This came to me while watching „Mother's Day" for the first time. Oh damn… it seems like no matter how much we torture Danny and Jamie in ff, they are still worse in the series' reality. Honestly, what the hell? It's been a long time since I wanted to reach through the screen and hug Jamie that badly. Anyway, I wanted to do something with these intense moments. Maybe it's total crap, I can't really say right now. Don't hate me. Phrases in italics are quotes from the episode (I hope I got them right).
There are the rules, and there's the way it's done.
Someone tugged at his sleeve and he obediently dropped his gun into a plastic bag. The sharp noise of bullets flying through the street still rang in his ears, reverberating in his veins.
There are the rules, and there's the way it's done.
Bile rose up Danny's throat. Had those really been his words, just seven hours ago? What had he wanted to prove? What did he still want to prove? That he was in total control of everything?
The hell he was.
A voice mumbled something incomprehensible and Danny decided to take it as dismissal. His legs felt heavy as he left the crime scene, as if still loaded with Mackeroy's weight.
Officer Liam Mackeroy, killed in the line of duty twenty-three minutes ago.
His breath came out in a wheeze, so embarrassingly loud that it almost drowned the beating of his heart. It had been close. Mackeroy hadn't died because he was slow or not smart enough. He had died because… because… Why? Give me a reason. Give me a clue…
No, Danny. I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation.
Jackie's voice faded behind him and Danny forced himself to let the world in again. Just for one moment, just to hear if she was following him.
Why?
Because.
The lapse in the fog closed again, trapping Danny in a nightmare that only partly was born out of imagination.
Liam Mackeroy had been in Joe's class, ever since high school. They might not have been bet friends, but eventually they all had got to know each other. A good man. A good cop, at least in his very last minutes on the earth. Now he was dead, just as Joe was. Just as Jamie was likely to be soon. Why bother pretending to hope otherwise?
The wheezing noise changed to a gargling. Danny stumbled forward, riveting on the piece of street right under his feet.
There are the rules, and there's the way it's done.
This was exactly what he had meant. This was what he had wanted Jamie to see. You learn, you practice, you think about everything that could possibly happen. And then it happens and you can't do nothing against it. You thought you were the director but you're just an actor, and someone else does the shooting. All you can do is react, get out your lines and bullets and try to survive. Reaction. Swiftness.
There are the rules made by men, and there's the animalistic, instinctive way it's done.
How could he have failed to make Jamie see that? How could he have failed to make Joe see it? How could he, with all he had seen, have left his brothers so unprotected?
You were a hardass to him, just like you are to me. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how well he died, he could never get your respect!
The pain on Jamie's face choked him, more than the dead eyes of Liam Mackeroy. Or were it Joe's eyes he felt burning in his back, stabbing him with every step?
