Warnings; I do not own Durarara
Amaya is my own character and not in the serie.
Contains violence.
It's a small story really, about, among other things:
* A girl
* A broken toy
*A song
*Some words
*and quite a lot of sorry.
"how can you forget someone that gave you so much to remember?"
Izaya's POW
Her green eyes so filled with hatred and disgust, her dark long hair a tangled mess, the crown around her trembling face;the crown of my work, she was on all four looking up at me with such hatred that i couldn't help to smile.
So easy changeable.
The world around us felt silent, like nothing else mattered, empty streets below us that followed with the light and low ticking of a broken traffic light. green, red, green,red clouded my vision.
She had been embracing me in her arms, believing that someone finally loved her, that someone would stop just to look at her, would stay quiet just to hear her voice, that someone would touch her, feel her.
Ah, the longing humans felt, the longing of being touched, thats why I had so easily gotten my claws around her, all i needed to do was to listen, to pretend i understood her longing for a human embrace, pretend that she mattered and she had swallowed it all: the story of a broken young man, trying to find love after the loss of his only friend, while the whole world turned against him, that she was his only hope, she had taken pity on me, wanting so badly for it to be true, that her mind had told her lies even I couldn't come up with.
Trying to protect her from the real truth, the world is a selfish place.
Just a second ago she had loved me, been whispering sweet words in my ears, words that i pretended to greet with my own, undying love. Now I was the monster. The betrayer, the madman once again, oh, how i loved this role, how i loved her, not for who she was but for what she was. A human, with emotions acting out of control, I laughed, a dry, fake laugh that colored the night with a madred, such beauty, so wonderful the human mind.
"You…you're, a monster." Her words came out forced and weak yet the anger and betrayal in them was unrecognisable.
"Oh, how boring Mi-chan!I thought you loved me~" I sang while i blinked towards her with long eyelashes, I knew that I was good looking, i'd been mistaken for a girl in my entire childhood until i started junior high but looks don't matter. They are deceiving, a nice smile and the right attitude can hide any thing, its nothing interesting about a pair of pretty eyes, what's interesting is what hides beneath the surface. Take my lovely Shizu-chan for example, behind that weak facade hides a strength beyond any human. The body is just a shell, hiding the treasure underneath, the human mind, a complex palace of emotions and memories, bring them together and what will you get?Something to play with.
I got down on one leg in front of her, the ground cold underneath me.
She was so beautiful in her distress, I would bet every little dirty secret in Ikebukuro that all she could think about in this given moment was her self; and I could make that happen, considering that i knew every secret worth having.
Stripped down to her awkward form, a child who couldn't stop crying.
She didn't look at me, her eyes on the floor, oh she bored me now, such a normal reaction, i had expected more from her.
"I-I don't want… I just want to die."
There it was, so easy so easily changeable.
"Well, I'm not a nice guy, I won't stop you this time, it's kind of scary how much people trust me, really…. When i just as easily could end them" She looked up at this, fear in her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks,nothing I hadn't seen before. Usually I liked to observe things in a distance but on rare occasions like this i couldn't help to enjoy a bit of fun. Because this was fun.
"Please don't kill me…."
I smiled. Take away everyone around you, take away the objects you need in everyday life and what are you? Nothing.
"Well I won't stop you, your life are your own after all, yet~" I said while i got up, turning my back on her, the wind caught the edges of my jacket, making it fly behind me like the black cape of a villain, she whimpered slightly.
"Humans don't see it that way, we live for others, what other people say or think of us, if someone wants us a certain way we act the part, we live and die for others yet we do nothing but think of ourselves. Life is such a mystery, we never know what's going to happen, actions changes us. Everyone can look at a white wall and know it for what it is, yet everyone will think of it differently" My voice was sweet, like a thick fog.
Ikebukuro was so beautiful at night, so filled with misery and suffering, when i found it like this beneath me, saw all the people running around, I couldn't help to wonder how it felt. Being one with the crowd, melting in like you belonged.
I started walking on the edge of the roof, balancing with my hands out on either side, even if i didn't need to balance myself, If i wanted I could walk this roof on my bare hands.
"Being alive is such a strange thing, don't you agree? We find our own reasons, yet to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all… To say that you want to die, you must first ask yourself… Are you even alive?" I slipped willingly, almost falling of.
She looked at me , trapped in my words, sitting on her legs like she didn't know what to do.
"All you have to do is to keep evolving, or one day you will simply...slip." I said, arms out, while i let myself fall back, down the roof.
I could hear her screaming after me, a fake name of many others.
The air in my hair and the falling sensation in my chest, this must be how it felt falling in love. I laughed when i saw her, trying to reach out for me, so weak this one was.
It always struck me how long time it took to reach the ground, It felt like momenst gone by.
It was at times like this i truly felt alive, I closed my eyes, listening to the wind screaming at me, waiting for me to hit the ground and become one with my surroundings. A bloody pulp at the end of the road.
I didn't fear death, why would I? As long as i was alive I didn't care if i went to heaven or hell. Thats why falling never scared me, it was just a state of being, like being asleep, as long as you knew how to wake up you had nothing to fear.
I let myself fall freely in the air, until my hands found the lather, it braced the fall enough so that i landed gracefully on the concrete, the girl still screaming in terror while i started walking away, hands in my pockets, bored.
Ahh… Ikebukuro,how I love this place. Maybe i should try to find Shizu-chan and get some exercise on my way home?
I was tired and had an abnormal feeling clutching to my chest, as if i was drowning. Hoping that Shizu-chan would keep me on other thoughts.
Its because of the nightmares.
Its because of her.
All this time, everything so far have been about her.
I've hid it so far, haven't i? Just act like you always do, don't be weak.
Just keep your mind focused on something else, don't let it get to you, don't let it get you you!
You're Izaya Orihara, you're not weak, you're beyond feelings like that.
Shizu-chan wasn't usually up this late but thru some valuable information i knew that he had a late nights job. It wouldn't hurt to pay him a visit… If i dodged that is.
I smirked while I turned the corner, I knew where he was, I always knew, thats the great thing with being an informant, knowing things that didn't belong to you.
Shizuo's POV
"Please, please don't! I promise, I do-don't-"
"Shut up!" I squeezed my hand closer around his throat, his legs above ground, kicking. Why did they always have to beg?
The guy looked up at me, his grey cap glued itself to his sweat covered face. He looked like one of those tugs i usually beat up.
"I know nothing! Just let me go, please I won't tell anyone!"
The begging had started when he realised he didn't stand a chance... So just around the time i had spotted him.
"Easy now, all you need is-"
"I don't knooow!" Oh god, let me go, you monster!"
I sighed, i hated violence and i didn't feel like killing someone tonight. I let my grip around him go, he wasnt worth the effort, he falled heavy to the ground, crawling with his back against the wall, scared.
Great, everyone was scared of me."Shizu-chaaan!~ Did you miss me?!" Well… Not every one.
Izaya Orihara.
I turned around just in time to see the reflection of a blade trapped in the moonlight, i caught it between my fingers, frowning…
"Don't you have anything better to do? Some poor girl to torment?"
"Ahh~Shizu-chan, no fair! It isn't nice bullying poor girls!" Izaya said in his sing-song voice while he stepped out from the shade he had been lurking in. The small light from the lamppost made his red eyes glow, a smirk across his face. He looked like a cat, a Cheshire smile with shiny eyes, moving with unnatural grace.
What wouldn't i give to see those pretty eyes of his close one last time? To punch that smirk away once and for all, see him crawling at my feet.
"Isn't it all you do,flea?"
A dangerous spark in those red eyes, he rocked back and forth innocently."I don't bully….Bullying people is lame! Pathetic even, all i want to do is to share my love for the world!"
"You sure as hell have a sick way to show it on." I said while i lighted a cigarette, Ignoring the whimpering man in the corner of my eye, he locked back and forth between us, waiting for the fight that soon would break out.
"Don't do that Shizu-chan, it will kill you one day, and who will play with then? A mindless beast would be enough but-"
"You little-"
Before even i had time to react i was throwing a garbage can towards Izaya by pure instinct, he dodged it without trouble, the tug giving out a small scream beside me when dirt and god knows what else rained down on him...Together with my smoke… So much for that.
Izaya laughed, folding in double, hands on his knees, his black hair hiding his face."Oh, Shizu-chan, you're always just as fun! What would I do without you?"
I knew that the flea was trying to piss me off, wanting me to go on a rampage, hunting after him while he laughed in delight, making me lose my cool.
He got up and started walking closer to me, trying to provoke me furhter, and it partly worked..."nooo~ Shizu-chan, don't be like that! I haven't been around in a long time, i miss talking to you, i miss our little game, i miss the way you look at me." I glared at him, trying to muster as much hatred as possible, I wouldn't let him break me, not tonight, i had work to do."Yes! Yes~ That way, thats what i'm talking about, that hatred, tell me Shizu-chan, how does it feel hating someone so much?" He purred.
"You tell me flea, you're not crazy about me either."
Izayas eyes got wide, while he clutched at his heart."Well, Shizu-chan!~~How can you even say such a thing! Don't you know that i'm madly in love with you~" Izaya sounded hurt, his voice girly, trembling slightly while he spoke.
I would believed him, if it wasnt for the fact that he was Izaya Orihara, Izaya couldn't love any one...
"That's when you're wrong Shizu-chan! I do love you!"
How did he do that? The flea had always had his way around words, I would never admit it but he was smart, but when he spoke your own mind, like he could read your thoughts, thats when it got too much.
I grit my teeth."Shut up stupid flea."
"Now why would I do that when its so much fun talking to you!" Izaya said while he looked up at me with innocent eyes, still the mocking smirk that never seemed to leave his face made the picture of an innocent Izaya crash and burn. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?
"Because I have no one else shizu-chan, isn't that obvious? Or are a monster like you with just half the brain to stupid to even notice the-"
Izaya dodged the container, letting it fly over his body, bending down in an impossible angle.
" I will kill you..."
"You keep saying that shizu-chan yet i'm still alive am I not?" Izaya said, hands up as if he was trying to calm me down, what a joke! I growled."Hey, whoow~ Take it easy big guy or else... Someone will end up dead, and it wont be me!"Izaya backed away, knowing fully well that I would run after him by my heart's content, I heard an animalistic sound and looked behind me just to realise that it came from me.
Then i leaped forward, missing the flea just in time for him to get a heads start.
"You are slacking behind Shizu-chan, are you scared of hurting me~!" Izaya yelled, sounding scaringly much as a mocking school girl.
I kept up my hunt, forcing my legs to go faster, why was the flea so damned fast? We passed people on the way, up and down almost empty streets.
"Oh, why won't you smile Shizu-chan? Am i boring you?" He asked while he suddenly turned around forcing me to run past him, not able to stop.
I turned towards him, just to feel the usual pain, crimson red coloring my sleeve, the blade of a knife visible thru the darkness. I didn't focus too much on it, i was used to the pain and it wouldn't do any significant damage.
Izaya should know by now, such a wound wouldn't budge me the slightest.
"ooh~I'm soooo, sooorry shizu-chan, did I hurt you?" Izaya said, while he giggled.
I tried reaching for him but he just backed away, out of my reach, every time, dodging my fists right before i got to him .
"Nah-ah, don't get ahead of your self!"
I growled, ripping the nearest street sign from the ground, it ironically read STOP, just as heavy as a lollipop in my hands.
I swinged it at him, but ofcorse he jumped away, landing on top of it, his weight didn't make any difference, how little was the damned flea any way?
I ignored his laugh at my- what I hoped not to be- impressed face and slammed it against the bricks of an old building, one of the few in Ikebukuro. Hoping that i would hit him with it, a pile of dust from the broken cobblestones clouded my vision when it cracked, making me unable to see.
I almost thought that id got him, when i heard a laugh, a sweet laugh and a warm breath on my neck, it followed with something cold pressed against my throat.
"Thats so cute Shizu-chan, you go thru so much trouble trying to make me happy~! Izaya giggled, I could hear the smirk thru his voice, his breath was way too sweet, intoxicating, it felt sticky.
"I'm sorry that playtimes over, Iza-chan." I said while trying to copy the fleas annoying tone. I was just about to throw him over my head when i felt his body stiffen behind me, the knife slipping to the floor with a scramble that seemed to colour the world.
What the hell?
"flea-"
I said angrily, sure that this was just one of his tricks, why else would he leave himself vulnerable like that? But when i turned to face him my heart stopped.
Raven hair fallen slightly over a pair of shocked eyes... Only that they weren't the usual ruby red, they were milky, cold… I shivered, they stared out over nothing, like he was caught in a bad dream he couldn't wake up from... Dead.
His hands trembling and the smirk blown away, his mouth opened in a comical O.
"Ey, flea, it isn't funny any more, snap out of it, stop playing around!" I yelled, he didn't react towards my words, it almost felt like he was slipping further away, standing still like a statue except the trembling in is small body, and just like that Izaya was gone. All I could see was a small young man, lost. Sence when was he ever so small? Had he always been so... so... Little? His body seemed fragile... No, he was still Izaya, he was still the stupid flea! This was just a trick!
"Damn, it! This isn't funny any more!" I reached around the collar of his jacket and slammed him against the wall, I could feel the air leaving him.
"No-no, don't die not like this…" The fleas words was haunted and fragile and sended shivers down my neck. They were so unlike his usual taunting words, so unlike the mockery tone and childish voice, they were so… So human.
I smacked him hard across the face with my open palm, sure that this was just a silly game, an act by so many others but what would he win by it? I had never seen the informant like this before. Shut down from the world, hell, I had never seen him without that smirk of his before at all and this was really creeping me out.
I started going back in my mind, trying to understand what could have triggered it, had he hit his head against the wall? He shivered."No...no...NO, amaya-chan...!"
His voice was like needles, filled with so much pain that I couldn't do any thing else than stare. Stare at the broken replica i was holding against the wall, he was a lifeless marionette with out any strings holding him up.
"Please…Don't…why…" He started to giggle, but it wasn't the usual giggle, the one that made me filled with furry, fantasizing about ripping his throat up, no. This giggle was more of a hiccup, filled with pain, suffering and god knows what else, just like the garbage can, filled with something so dirty that you didn't even want to smell it.
I was stunned with shock, my hands felt numb against his throat.
"SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!" I yelled while i made an effort by punching him hard against the wall again. When that didn't work i did it again and again, before a pain filled moan escaped his lips. Dont lose control, dont loose it! You can do this, focus, dont let it get to you, dont lose it... dont lose it!
I let his body fall to the ground in terror, nothing holding him up, wiping my hands on my bartender vest as if i was trying to wipe away something dirty.
A mark after his body left in the wall, a cloud of dust followed him down. How...
He started coughing violently on all fours while something started to change in those dead eyes, the milky red turned ruby once more.
His body shaking, he blinked, as if he just woken up. Then something close to realisation hit him. He tried to get up, fast, it was almost painfull to watch, his breathing sounded like a low whistle.
By the love of...
I reached down instinctively, trying to grab him, helping him up, just to do something but when my hand touched his shoulder he slapped it away, back against the wall, away from me."Don't-touch...me." His voice wasn't scared anymore but it was still shaken.
Normally I would have laughed at this, the great semi god Izaya Orihara down on his knees, shivering and shaking in front of me. It was a dream coming true, then why didn't it feel as sweet? Why did i feel helpless?
No.
I just couldn't kill him in this state, it wouldn't be fair, after all the years hunting after him I wouldn't kill him without a fair fight.
Atleast thats what i told my self, but somewhere deep inside I was also shocked. Shocked because… I know its strange but I didn't think Izaya could feel.
Its stupid I know but after all the times i've punched him, tried to kill him, seen him in danger, hurt. During all that time, the only thing he'd shown the world was that smile of his saying: What else can you throw at me?
I guess i'd grown costume to the thought that Izaya Orihara was a man without human feelings.
That he wasn't human.
I turned my eyes towards him.
Izaya stood up, shaking, he looked a bit pale yet that annoying smirk was back in place.
"What the hell happened to you?" I said while I couldn't help to hide the worried disgust in my voice.
He just looked at me.
"What a-are you talki-ng about sweet shizu-chan~ Nothing happened!" His voice was too sweet, to normal, to forced.
"Don't try to act tough on me flea! A second ago you were shaking! Trembling of fear, now you're trying to act like nothing happened?!" I grabbed for him again, pushing him against the wall, he hissed in pain but I ignored it.
"I'm just asking one more time, what happened to you?" My voice was steadier than i felt.
"Oh, Shizu-chan are worried over me! How sweet! I don't know what to say I-"
I hit him across the face, I had to give it to the flea, he was a good actor, every sign of his previous breakdown was gone, instead all that was left was that annoying smirk and clouded eyes as if he hadn't woken up fully yet.
"I'm just asking one more time, tell me, or else ill kill you."
He just looked at me, ignoring my angry eyes. He looked calm, nonchalant as if all this was normal, as if he couldn't care less what happened to him, if he lived or died. Thats when I saw it, how much he hated me and not just hated... he looked scared. Like i was the bad guy, like I was the monster in the story,I almost didn't notice it, a small hint of fear hidden behind layers and layers of hate. It disappeared almost as fast as it comed, but it had been there.
I had never seen him openly show how much he hated me but now his eyes was filled with anger.
"Then kill me." He said simply shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't tempt me…" I growled, pushing him harder against the wall, his body tensed, he just looked at me with disbelief as if i was the one having a breakdown...Or whatever this was called.
"What happened, why did you lose it?"
"Oh, Shizu-chan, are your love for me making you hallucinate? I just got punched in the wall and got an after reaction… Nothing strange about that, you were the one to throw me after all~!"
Izaya sang, again with that overdone sweet voice.
"You were screaming… Amaya-chan, who's that?"
He winced by this, it had only been for a second, his eyes widening as if by pain, his knuckles white, his hands fists.
"Ohhh. poor, beloved Shizu-chan! I'm sorry but I can't stay any longer and listen to your imagination running wild! I have beauty sleep to catch up on and-"
"You were yelling, please don't die Amaya-chan… Do you think i'm stupid?"
Once again Izaya flinched by the name, a visible pain across his face, his body became lifeless, his head hanging. Before he started laughing, this laugh was mad, painful, forced even.
When he finally looked back at me his eyes was filled with emotions, but he quickly recovered, emptying his eyes until a small mischievous glint was all that was left.
"oh, yes shizu-chan I do think you're stupid and if you excuse me I have to go~"
A small cut ripped open my shirt, it was shallow and almost didn't bleed but it was enough for me to let him go, startled by his sudden control.
He bolted forward ,running of.
Izayas POV
Damn it, damn it, damn it! I cursed inside my mind, over and over while i ran.
I can't believe it, id let myself fall apart for the first time since…
Well never mind that but in front of him, shizu-chan.
And all because of her.
All because of those eyes.
All because of that voice.
All because of her smile.
I cursed my weakness while i continued running thru the night.
Something like this could never happen again, I had to do something and fast.
Before my past caught up with me, before she caught up with me.
So… this is it, its a long first chapter, i greet everyone that makes it untill the end, I have a vague idea of where this is going…
More warnings will be added later on!
Please leave a review or what ever you feel like!
I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes or spelling errors!
Thanks~
