On a freezing cold January afternoon Andrea Dunbar stands outside the local primary school, a ten minute drive from her Sun Hill flat. She rubs her hands together furiously in an attempt to warm them, having left work in such a hurry she forgot to take her gloves. As the flurry of children begins to emerge from the school, racing towards parents, grandparents and child-minders there to pick them up, screaming, shouting and laughing as they go, Andrea scans the crowd for her own little girl. It isn't long before 5 year old Emma Manson comes running towards Andrea and launches herself into her mother's arms. Andrea bends down to kiss her daughter gently, stroking her hair and then taking Emma's hand in hers as they walk towards the car. Andrea can't help but smile as her little girl chatters away happily at her side about the school day and everything she did. Emma clambers into the car, still buzzing with excitement about the day's events as Andrea makes sure she is properly strapped into her booster seat. This is one of the things Andrea loves so much about being a mother, watching her child becoming acquainted with the world, every single day a new adventure to her, every new discovery she makes and everything she learns is treasured by her. To Emma the world is still a magical, wonderful place and Andrea intends to preserve that for her for as long as she possibly can.

Emma's narrative of the events of her day stops only when mother and daughter reach their flat.

"Ok sweetheart, you be a good girl for me now and get changed out of your uniform, then me and you are going to have a snack and cuddle up in front of the TV, how does that sound?" Andrea asks beaming at her daughter who mirrors her mother's huge grin and nods in agreement.

As Emma runs off to her room to change, Andrea heads to the kitchen and pours two glasses of orange juice and makes two bowls of fruit salad for them. Food is one of the things Andrea has always been strict on and while she does allow Emma the occasional treat, she prefers only to give her chocolate and crisps in moderation though she is well aware Emma's grandparents spoil her when she is with them. Nevertheless, Andrea's health consciousness has paid off and Emma loves fruit as much as she loves the rare chocolate treats.

Emma comes bounding back into the kitchen freshly changed, with her uniform in her hands ready for the wash. After putting on a load of washing Andrea joins Emma on the sofa, cuddling her close. As she snuggles close to her mother's body, Emma breaks into conversation, an important thought having suddenly entered her mind.

"Mummy," Emma begins gazing up at her mother.

"Yes sweetheart, what is it?" Andrea enquires, stroking her little girl's smooth, silky black hair.

"Are we going to go and see Daddy tomorrow?" Emma's huge chocolate brown eyes sparkle as she gazes into Andrea's own eyes. She is undeniably the image of her mother.

"Yes, yes we are going to see Daddy tomorrow darling we always go on Saturdays."

"Why do we not go to see Daddy every day Mummy?" the interrogation continues.

"Well, we used to go to see Daddy nearly every day when you were smaller, but we're so busy now and you are at school now, so we just can't visit Daddy every day anymore, see sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I suppose, but I miss Daddy," Emma responds dejectedly.

"I know that my love, so do I but he loves you so much you know, just as much as I love you," Andrea says softly trying to lift her daughter's mood.

"I painted him a picture today in school and I want to give it to him tomorrow can I show it to you now?" Emma's mood is suddenly uplifted as she gets excited again.

"Course you can sweetheart, go and get it, your school bag is out in the hall," Andrea replies just as enthusiastically, beaming at her daughter.

"Wow, its beautiful sweetheart," the astonishment in Andrea's tone is by no means fake, she is exceptionally proud of her little girl's work of art and like any mother she believes her child's work to be better than any other child's.

"That's me and you are holding my hand, and Daddy is standing beside us, and there is our house and that's where Daddy lives, do you think Daddy will like it?" Emma gazed at her mother expectantly. As she surveyed the mixture of images and bright colours of her daughter's prized painting, tears well up in Andrea's eyes but she quickly composes herself, not willing to let Emma see her get upset over Neil yet again. It is perfectly understandable that Andrea has these momentary lapses where even something as innocent as a picture made by her little girl can reopen the wounds which remain raw even after so much time has passed, after all Neil is the love of her life and Emma's father, he should be here now, they should be bringing up their daughter together. Despite her heartache, Andrea vowed a long time ago that she would not let it stop her little Emma having a happy life and that includes staying strong enough that she doesn't fall apart over every little thing.

"You know what Em? I think Daddy is going to love that," Andrea replies sincerely as she smiles affectionately at her daughter, and the pair resume their previous position cuddling up again on the sofa.


They leave their flat in the relative hush of the early morning, though this being London it is still busy even at 9am. The early start has not affected Emma whatsoever who as per usual is full of energy, though she isn't hyperactive or unmanageable simply bubbly and enthusiastic about spending the weekend with her mum.

"Mummy," Emma chirps from the back seat as Andrea negotiates a tight bend in the road.

"What is it sweetheart, you ok?" Andrea asks, peering in the rearview mirror to check on Emma.

"What are we doing after we've been to visit Daddy?" The question causes Andrea to smile, reminding her how simple the life of a five year old is, just moving from one day to the next wondering what exciting adventures you are going to have. Andrea is simply thankful that Emma does not yet have to deal with the complexities of life, or at least has not been as exposed to them and worn down by them as Andrea herself has. But Emma gives her a reason to put the pain to one side and deal with it in her own time, her little girl must always and will always come first.

"Well I thought as a special treat we could go into London to go ice skating, then afterwards we're going to have our lunch and go shopping,"

"Yeah," Emma cries, elated and her reaction makes Andrea chuckle.

When they reach their destination they pull up by the pavement. Andrea takes Emma's hand as she climbs out of the car, and the pair walk slowly together, Emma holding on to her precious picture as though her life depended on it and Andrea carrying a fresh bunch of white lilies in her free hand.

"I don't like this place where Daddy lives," Emma states solemnly, eyes wide and slightly clouded by forming tears. Andrea stops walking and crouches down to Emma's level, brushing away a few tears that have begun to fall.

"Oh my little sweetheart don't be sad, Daddy doesn't really live here, you know where he lives, it's the place you painted in your picture and it is far nicer than this place." Andrea envelopes her daughter in a comforting hug, attempting to reassure her. "Daddy lives in Heaven where the angels take care of him and he can't get hurt anymore. He's happy there sweetheart."

"Doesn't he miss us Mummy?"

"Of course he does my little one, every single day as much as we miss him but he watches over us and looks after us every single day. He loves us and he is so proud of you." After a few more minutes Andrea and Emma continue along the cemetery path and eventually come to stop in front of a smooth, shining granite headstone engraved with gold lettering. Compared to many of the other graves, Neil's was relatively new and was one of the best kept due mainly to Andrea's care and attention, though Neil's parents did as much as they were fit to do. It is simple, no flowery verses engraved on it, no ornate statues adorning it either, Neil would have hated that. It states simply that he was a beloved son, an adored husband and father and that his loss will be felt deeply by those who loved him. Those words do not even begin to do justice to the depth of love and devotion Neil and Andrea had for each other, or the extent of Neil's adoration for his baby daughter as Emma was at the time of Neil's death.

Andrea goes about removing the older, withering bunch of flowers from Neil's grave and replaces them with the fresh bunch of lilies she brought this morning. As she busies her self tidying round Neil's grave, Emma chatters away to Neil as if he were right beside her and she tells him everything about her week at school, the birthday party of one of her classmates she attended this week, her swimming lessons and the plans she has with her mother for the afternoon. Finally she leaves her family portrait on his grave, Andrea having had the foresight to place it in a plastic folder to protect it from rain damage. As mother and daughter kneel by the grave, Andrea's mind begins to wander as she contemplates the weeks leading up to Neil's tragic death and once again revisits in her mind the events which tore her life apart.