Behind Bars

Chapter 1
It Does Not Make Sense!

Garrison stared in horror as "The Chewbacca Defense" was given. Surely she would be found guilty now. No jury stood a chance at understanding this defense.

She had been minding her own business at home, talking to Mr. Hat about Mr. Slave and yelling at him, saying she was no longer jealous that he had married Big Gay Al. Of course she could never be jealous of a fag! She was practically a pimp, what with all the women at Les Bos 'thanking' her for saving the place. Why in the world would she want him back?

Then, police officers smashed through her door, handcuffing her, and throwing her in the back of the car. Garrison didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to Mr. Hat, and cursed the officers out on the way to  the prison.

"What the hell did I do now?" she demanded to know.

"You have been accused of Breaking and Entering, Garrison."

"I never did---"

"YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REAMIN SILENT! ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN THE COURT OF LAW!" the officer screamed, as demonstrated by the caps lock above.

Janet rolled her eyes. "I'm telling you, I've been home all night! Ask Mr. Hat!"

"Mr. Hat is a puppet." The officer told her, as if she didn't realize this.

Garrison exploded at the officer and an arguement insued, consisting of many curse words and a lot of harsh name-calling. It wasn't until a few minutes later, she realized this wasn't the best idea. No matter, she had a witness and Kyle's dad would be her lawyer for a cheap fee.

Little did she know, this would somehow involve five of her students, Johnnie Cochran, and three of her exes.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it does NOT make sense!" Cochran pointed out to the jury while showing a picture of Chewbacca. 

The jury stared in awe, and whispered to each other. Kyle's dad pounded his fist on the table while Garrison tried to glare Cochran to death. Even with her witness, she didn't stand a chance. She patted her puppet friend on the head. "It's OK, Mr. Hat. It's not your fault."

What had really stung was when she realized who was accusing her of this crime. She could have punched his lights out when she saw Mr. Slave walk in court with Big Gay Al. Garrison only became angrier when she realized Mr. Slave was carrying Mr. Twig! Why would one of her own puppets turn against her?

While Mr. Hat was on her side, he hadn't helped much. When Johnnie Cochran called him up to the stand, he froze in fear, and Garrison had to throw him over. He took oath, but was still frozen in fear when asked any questions and Garrison begged to sit up at the stand with him and help him prove her innocence.

"So, Mr. Hat, why do you think a Wookiee would want to live with a bunch of Ewoks? Does that make sense to you?" Mr. Hat sat in silence, pondering the question. "Right, I didn't think so."

Though she loathed both of them, she had to admit Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al had done a good job answering the question.

"Maybe he just wanted to be best friends with the Ewoks, silly goose." Big Gay Al told him.

"Well, who knows what those Ewoks could do." Mr. Slave thought for a minute. "Ohhh, Jesus." he shuddered.

It also didn't help that her own students were against her, since most of them looked up to Big Gay Al. Especially Stanley, who had gotten in trouble because he would call her a "silly goose" in class.

When the jury came back, she already knew the verdict. They would say she was guilty, and she would be sent to prison for Breaking into the home of Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al. She had done no such thing, and the only people who believed her were Mr. Hat, Kyle's dad, and the girls at Les Bos. They rioted outside the court through the whole trial.

However, what really infuriated her was when they couldn't figure out whether to send her to a prison for men or women...