A/N: I thought that since I'd uploaded "Just a kiss", I may as well put this one here as well. Also quite old, this was a follow up to JaK, written after but set before. It's a bit different, with less of the emotional rollercoaster that JaK had, but more focussed. Where JaK was about grace, this is about longing. Entirely from Hanna's point of view.
Looking back later, Hanna could never remember exactly when she fell for Paige. Maybe she didn't realise at the time, or maybe she didn't want to admit it. But she could remember when those feelings became overwhelming. It was in Rosewood Hospital, seeing Paige lying on that bed, bruised and bloodied. At that moment Hanna felt a pain she had rarely felt before, and when she had it was always over someone she loved.
"Hey Hanna, how are you?"
Hanna was happy to hear Paige's voice at the other end of the phone.
"I'm OK, but I need a favour," Hanna replied.
"Sure," Paige said. "What is it?"
"I need a study buddy," Hanna explained. "I'm trying to get ready for the Math exam and I don't get any of it. Emily said you're really good at Math…"
"I'm not that good," Paige protested.
"She said you'd say that too," Hanna responded. "She said you really are good and I should ignore you if you claimed otherwise."
"Well I guess you've got me then," Paige conceded.
"Thank you!" Hanna said. "If you can come around this afternoon I'll make you dinner afterwards."
"That would be lovely," Paige replied.
When Paige arrived, Hanna greeted her with a hug.
"Thank you so much," Hanna said. "I've been reading the text book and it's just making it worse. Right now I'm not sure I could add up the marks on the exam let alone answer the questions."
"I think we can get you sorted out," Paige said. "Is there anything in particular you want to concentrate on?"
"All of it," Hanna replied.
They went into the kitchen and sat down at the dining table, where Hanna had her books and notes sprawled across the the whole table.
Hanna gestured to the text book, which was open at the chapter on statistics.
"Are we really supposed to know all of this?" she asked.
"It can be done," Paige replied. "Just try not to be afraid of it."
"That's easy for you to say, you're smart," Hanna said.
"So are you," Paige responded.
"No I'm not," said Hanna, without thinking.
"Maybe this is where we need to start," suggested Paige. "You are smart."
"I'm not," Hanna insisted. "Spencer's the smart one. I'm just, I don't know, fashionable."
"Hanna, I've seen you dealing with real life problems that make this stuff look trivial," Paige said. "You are intelligent, resourceful and quick-thinking. If you can get through all of that you can get through a Math exam."
Hanna was having trouble believing this, but at least the fact that Paige was saying it made her feel better.
"You think so?" Hanna asked.
"Absolutely," Paige assured her. "And you're going to prove it to me today."
Hanna was amazed at Page's words. She knew she was probably grinning like a fool now, but she didn't care. She wanted to do this.
They spent the afternoon going through all the major topics, and as they did so Hanna's confidence grew.
Paige was a patient and attentive teacher. If Hanna didn't understand something Paige would look for different ways to explain it until Hanna was comfortable to move on. Paige would use examples, draw pictures and take Hanna through solutions. Most of all, she would guide Hanna to find the answers, not simply tell her what to do.
Eventually they had done what they needed to do, and it was time for dinner. Hanna felt like she could face this exam, for the first time she could remember.
"Can I help?" Paige asked.
"No I'm fine," Hanna replied, as she looked around the pantry for the spaghetti.
"I could cut up the vegetables," Paige suggested.
"You just relax," insisted Hanna. "I said I would make you dinner and I will make you dinner."
"It's not a problem," Paige countered. "I like helping out."
"You're as bad as Emily," Hanna said. "I bet the two of you are always going 'I'll do it.' 'No, I'll do it.'"
Paige just smiled.
"I knew it," Hanna said, proudly.
"Seriously though, I could cut up the vegetables," Paige suggested again.
Hanna knew that resisting any further would be pointless.
"OK then," she said, conceding defeat.
Paige's face lit up and she stood at the chopping board, grabbed a carrot and set to work.
Hanna, meanwhile, had found the pasta and was busy filling a pot with water.
"So have you always been brainy?" Hanna asked.
"I'm not…" Paige began.
"You are," Hanna quickly assured her. Hanna didn't quite understand why Paige would try to claim otherwise.
"I don't know," Paige said.
"But you've always done well at school, right?" Hanna asked.
"I suppose so," Paige replied.
"Do you study hard?" Hanna asked.
"I have to," Paige replied.
Paige's answer caught Hanna off guard.
"Why?" she asked.
"My parents," Paige explained. "Well, my dad really."
"What do you mean?" Hanna asked.
"He gets angry if I get bad marks, or if he thinks I'm not studying hard enough," Paige elaborated.
"Does he…" Hanna began to ask, but couldn't bring herself to finish the question.
"No, no," Paige answered. "He just gets angry and shouts a lot."
"I'm sorry," Hanna said.
Hanna stopped what she was doing and moved over to Paige, gently placing her hand on Paige's shoulder. Paige stopped chopping but her gaze remained fixed on the board in front of her.
"It's OK," Paige said.
Hanna wanted to hug Paige, but Paige stood facing the chopping board, knife in hand, so Hanna just leaned in a little against Paige and rubbed her hack.
"Dads can be stupid some times," Hanna said.
"He tries," Paige said. "But… yeah."
"Mine's the opposite," Hanna said. "He hardly cares at all. I could do pretty much anything and he wouldn't worry, so long as it didn't affect him."
"You're right," Paige said. "I shouldn't complain."
"No!" Hanna insisted, suddenly alarmed that Paige had taken her words that way. "You should. You should totally complain. They're both boneheads."
With that Paige began to laugh a little, as did Hanna. But soon Paige was crying as well. She finally put down her knife and turned to face Hanna. Hanna could see sadness on Paige's face, but resolution as well. She realised how much Paige had been through, and how little fuss she made about it. Like Emily.
Hanna put her arms around Paige and they hugged. All Hanna wanted at that moment was to make Paige feel better.
They sat down to eat. After the rather emotional process of cooking, they were both feeling more relaxed.
Hanna held up her glass of wine.
"To passing exams," she said.
"With flying colours," Paige added.
They clinked glasses, had a sip then started to eat.
"This is really nice," Paige said, after a couple of mouthfuls. "Thank you."
Hanna just smiled.
"What?" Paige asked.
"You sound like…" Hanna began.
"Emily?" Paige interrupted.
Hanna nodded.
"Actually it's disgusting," Paige said with a sly grin. "I was just trying to be nice."
"No!" Hanna protested. She knew it was a joke, but was still shocked to hear Paige say that.
Paige was laughing now.
"Say it's nice again, please," begged Hanna.
"It's lovely," Paige said.
"Really?" Hanna asked.
"Really," Paige confirmed. "You got the herbs just right."
"Thank you," said Hanna. "And I promise not to compare you to Emily any more."
"There are worse things you could say," Paige noted.
"That's true," agreed Hanna.
"So do you feel better about the exam now?" Paige asked.
"I'll make it," Hanna replied.
"I hope I helped," Paige said.
"You really did," Hanna assured her. "You were better than my teacher, actually."
"Well, I'm glad," Paige said. "Just remember what I said. You are smart."
"Thank you," Hanna said. "You know, you're good at this. You could become a teacher or something if you wanted. Is that something you could do in between swimming?"
"I hadn't thought of that," Paige replied. "You thought I was OK?"
"Better than OK," Hanna said. "Like, Spencer knows things but I can't, well… understand a word she says. But you can put it in English when you explain something. And you listen and stuff."
Paige was smiling now, and Hanna thought she could see a bit of pride on her face.
As Hanna looked at Paige she noticed something else. How beautiful Paige was. Really, she'd known, but for some reason the beauty of Paige's face struck Hanna now. Her eyes, her smile, just the kindness and warmth she exhuded.
"What?" Paige asked.
"Huh?" Hanna responded, quickly realising she'd been caught gazing at Paige.
"You looked like you were going to say something," Paige explained.
"I was just thinking…" Hanna began, trying to come up with an excuse, "…how great it is that you and Em found each other."
That sounded plausible.
"Yeah," said Paige a little tentatively.
"After everything she's been through, she's so lucky to have you," Hanna added.
"I'm the lucky one," Paige responded. "Sometimes I still can't believe it."
"Hey, these things don't happen by accident," Hanna said. "You two were meant for each other."
It was true. Emily and Paige had a special bond. And that is what Hanna had to keep reminding herself.
It was late. They had got carried away talking. Now Paige was collecting her things and heading out the door.
"Thank you so much for coming over," Hanna said.
"Anytime," Paige said, and gave Hanna a hug.
With that Paige got on her bike and with a final farewell, rode off. Hanna watched her until she disappeared down the street.
Hanna was lying in bed, but she couldn't get to sleep. She was too busy thinking. She had really enjoyed spending time with Paige, but it felt strange. Hanna knew Emily was happy that she and Paige had become good friends, but it made Hanna uncomfortable, like she should be careful. Hanna knew Emily wouldn't be jealous. She wasn't even sure why the thought had crossed her mind.
Just then Hanna's phone announced a text message. Hanna reached over to her bedside table to see what it was.
"At the hospital, paige injured on the way home, pls come, em"
Hanna sat up with a start, her heart racing. In an instant she jumped out of bed, threw on a sweater, pants and shoes and was headed downstairs. Her mind was racing with possibilities. She had to get there, had to see what had happened, had to make sure Paige was OK.
