Hey my name is Macy I'm xxCharmspeakerxx's friend and since she doesn't use this site anymore she's allowed me to use it so drop a review and I hope you like my story that I've written. I don't own any characters in the story by the way. Love you!


Chapter One: Why Did You Do This To Yourself?

Dan lay in his warm bed, waking up to yet another morning with his best friend/flatmate with another day telling stories about his past embarrassing moments. Dan smiled and stretched his arms as he sat up in his bed.

"It's today for another video!" He said to himself as he left his room and walked to the kitchen. Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal and decided to check Tumblr for about an hour. As he checked his Tumblr, he noticed that Phil hadn't been up yet and normally Phil is the one telling Dan to wake up because he has a video to record or edit.

Later that day, when Dan was editing after filming for two hours for his new video, he still noticed that Phil hadn't come out of his room yet. Dan kept his eyes on Phil's room, waiting for him to open the door and smile at Dan while making cat noises.

Ten minutes went by when Dan decided to go check up on Phil. He opened Phil's door without knocking thinking about if Phil was still asleep, then Dan would wake him up. As quietly as Dan could, he closed the door and looked at Phil who was still sleeping on his bed. Dan smiled at Phil; he looked so cute curled up in a small ball while holding a razor in his hand –Wait, what?!

Dan tiptoed closer to Phil and opened his hand to see that there were three razors in his hand. Dan's eyes went wide with horror and confusion. Why would Phil have razors in his hands? What's going through his mind? Maybe he's doing a video about how people shouldn't cut! That must be it.

"I'm . . . Sorry, Daniel." Phil said as he rolled over so his back was facing Dan. Tears started streaming down Phil's eyes as he rolled over facing Dan again. "Please, I didn't mean to be this way!"

"Phil . . . Phil, wake up." Dan said lightly shaking him. "Phil, you're scaring me. Wake up."

Phil started to turn over to the other side over and over and over again, crying his eyes out and telling Dan that he was sorry and that he couldn't help it. Dan tried his hardest to wake Phil up as fast as he could but knowing Phil, he's a deep sleeper. It got to the point that Dan had to yell at Phil while Phil was screaming for Dan to forgive him and pleading for his forgiveness and that it's not his choice to be the way he is.

"Phil –no!" Dan said as Phil started making the motion of cutting his wrist. Dan held Phil's hand away from his clean wrist but struggled to keep it away from his skin. "Phil! Wake up!" Dan was now crying and pleading for Phil to wake up from his terrible nightmare. It took Dan all of his strength to try and keep Phil down on the bed but found it harder than he expected. "Is that . . . A bone?"

Suddenly Phil stopped moving and stayed still for a minute. Phil took a deep breath and started to calmly breathe in and out at an even pace like he was when Dan came into his room. Dan shook Phil lightly again hoping that Phil would finally wake up.

Phil's eyes fluttered as he was forced to wake up from his terrible dream. He yawned and looked over to see Dan balling his eyes out with tears. "What happened?" Phil asked. Dan quickly grabbed onto Phil's jumper and ripped it off along with his shirt. Phil tried to cover himself with his quilt but Dan already knew what he saw.

"How long? How long Phil?" Dan demanded. "How long has this been going on?"

"I-I don't know!" Phil lied. Phil curled back into a ball and silently cried hiding his body from Dan, the one he had to fall in love with. "I don't know just leave me alone!"

Dan stood up and threw the razors in the bin and went back into Phil's room. Phil was still curled up in a ball but had moved closer to the edge of the bed. Dan took his shoes off and climbed under the covers of Phil's bed. Phil clamped his eyes shut as he felt Dan's arms wrap around his very small waist. Dan pulled Phil closer to his body and kissed his cheek with a quick peck.

"Please speak to me, Phil." Dan said laying his head down on Phil's pillow. He rested his forehead on Phil's back and let the warmth of his body go into his skin and warm up his brain with Phil's body heat that he was currently giving him. "Phillip, please tell me when it went to shit for you."

Phil sighed. "If actions speak louder than words, I'm the most deafening noise you've heard. I'll be that ringing in your ears, that will stick around for years." Phil quoted from the song Tide by Touché Amore. Phil turned his body over and placed his head underneath Dan's chin. Their body was fitted together perfectly like it was meant to be together. "I did stuff and I got the consequences out of it. That's that." Dan felt the tears falling from Phil's chin onto the pillow as he whispered the lyrics of the song that he quoted from to himself. "I have to tell you something but please don't run away or hate me afterwards." Dan nodded and waited for Phil to say what he had to say. "Dan, one of the reasons why I did this to myself is because . . ." Phil paused and took a deep breath. ". . . When I was younger and when I say younger I mean about two weeks ago or earlier than that, I'm a target for people who like to bully other people. I don't know why they do it but it only happens when I'm in collage and sometimes after and during my classes. I think I know a reason why they bully me but I can't say."

"Who are these people?" Dan demanded in a soft voice. "Why didn't you tell me before? I can help you!"

"Because then you'd find out a reason why they're bullying me!" Phil burst out in tears again and hid his face in Dan's chest. Dan and Phil stayed in each other's arms for the rest of the day. Whenever one of them was thirsty or it was time to eat they wouldn't leave each other's side. When it was dinner time, Dan held on Phil's hand while he cooked tacos. When Dan needed both of his hands for chopping up the vegetables, he would grab both of Phil hands and wrap them around his waist and Phil would rest his head in between Dan's shoulder blades.

Phil didn't eat that much that night. His body isn't too bad but you could see his bones and he looked so fragile but it wasn't like there was only bones, you could see some of the fat that Dan has put on him and that made them both happy.

"Dan," Phil said after just eating one taco. "I can't eat anymore. I'm sorry."

Phil felt so guilty for not being able to eat anymore of the meal that Dan had decided to cook for him. Dan did so much for Phil and he was so close to him that day. Phil loved every minute of the time when Dan held him and listened to his problems as he spoke about his body but he didn't tell him about the scars on his hips and underneath his feet.

That night, Phil slept with Dan in his room. They both were so at peace and never wanted this peace to end but Phil had lessons tomorrow, and God, he was not ready to face them.


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Love You! xxCharmspeakerxx