The Look
A/N: For all of those, who are recipients of 'the look'. You are not alone and you are not unusual.
There it was. 'The look'. She was so tired of that look. She'd been on the receiving end of it for years. It was a mixture of wonder and pity, evoking the feeling of shame from deep within her. She hated it and knew that she shouldn't let 'the look' affect her like it did, but her heart just couldn't accept it.
Logically, 'the look' was just a judgment being passed on her by another human with a different mindset and a different set of priorities. She knew this, but logic didn't make it hurt any less.
She had received 'the look' all through high school when her peers began the natural stages of rebellion. She didn't know what it meant at first. To her, the life she lead was just as invigorating than anyone else's. She made good grades, she liked art, music, and above all she liked to read. She spent her nights enthralled in the tales of people who explored caves, discovered treasure, and solved crimes. She never cared much for interacting with her classmates, who never seemed to care about anything other than sex, alcohol and shopping. She was content to read between classes and talk to her teachers.
The first time she witnessed 'the look' was during some downtime at the end of one of her science classes her freshman year of high school. The girls at her table were discussing they're weekends and their sexual exploits. Suddenly the girl across from her turned to her and asked her what she had planned.
She drew a blank at the unexpected address, and then answered with the first thing that came to mind,
"I'll probably read most of the weekend. I'd like to get this book finished".
The girl blinked at her for a moment taking in the cover of The Scarlet Letter. After regaining her senses the girl placed her hand over Brennan's and gave her 'the look'.
"You poor thing! Don't you ever get out to the mall with some girlfriends or go over to your boyfriends house?"
To Brennan, that came completely out of left field. What did that have to do with anything? She frowned a little and said, "I don't have a boyfriend."
This time a quizzical look graced the girl's features.
"But you're so pretty."
She was becoming more and more uncomfortable under the gazes of the other girls.
"Uh… Thanks. I just never really thought about it."
The girls were once again taken aback. It seemed to be all they thought about. After a few moments the other girl patted her hand and pulled on her usual smile.
"Don't worry, one day you will!"
The girl then turned her attention back to her other companions leaving Brennan to breathe a sigh of relief at being out from under their curious gazes.
It was hard to explain to other people. She did have crushes and go shopping but she never really found it quite as intriguing as everyone else around her.
It got harder as she got older, when alcohol and dancing came on the scene. She found it difficult to worm her way out of her friend's invitations to "have a little fun". Their idea of a good time simply wasn't akin to hers, but trying to explain that without appearing to be condescending or a "goody-two-shoes" was extremely hard. She didn't care if they wanted to have fun their own way and she wasn't morally judging them, she just simply didn't find parties to be fun and most people just couldn't seem to understand that.
The first few years of college were the hardest but soon she entered her major and 'the look' all but disappeared, replaced with the zeal of mastering a career.
Now, nine years later and she was once again at the receiving end of the look, but this time seemed to be worse. It wasn't as bad coming from strangers but now it was directed at her by her best friend, someone whose opinion of her mattered most.
"Sweetie, seriously, vacation time. Dancing, drinking, letting go! What is so hard about this concept?" Angela asked, hands on her hips, with 'the look' on her face.
And she was back in high school trying to explain to a group of virtual strangers, her idea of a good time.
"Ange, I really don't find that as entertaining as you do. I like going to new places, seeing knew things, and helping out when I can. I find helping others acquire a sense of peace far more gratifying than shaking my butt in a bar full of intoxicated strangers."
"Nicely put."
"Thanks."
Yet, it was still there: pity and wonder, this time with a hint of worry only Angela could pull off.
Angela looked her in the eyes and with a sigh of resignation conceded defeat.
"All right, just… this time, choose someplace safe to take your hiatus. I really hate it when you pick war zones. I don't sleep as well."
"Okay Ange. And… thanks, for understanding."
Temperance gave her friend a small smile, which Angela returned. She gave her hand a squeeze and turned toward her office leaving Temperance feeling, once again, like she was doing something wrong.
The next day was the day she would turn in her vacation request, crushing Angela's spirits, as she had chosen to go lend a hand in Montreal instead of reclining on a beach somewhere.
Her last trip to Canada had been a blast. She had a few friends in that area and they enjoyed giving her the grand tour. She also loved having a reason to practice her French. It was rare to get that opportunity in America and she relished it. While she would still be working, the cases they had her on were much less stressful, and she had more time to relax. She might even make it through a few novels she'd been putting off reading the past few months. In short, she needed the break and a change of scenery and was looking forward to it. She was not, however, looking forward to telling Booth.
Booth never really liked it when she left town. Like Angela, he worried about her safety, but her leaving also meant that he'd get thrown much less interesting cases. Angela claimed that he got pretty surly last time she took a vacation and Temperance wagered that it'd be the same this time around.
It was with all this in mind that Brennan entered the Jeffersonian. It was 7am and she had every intention of turning in the request right then and there. To her surprise however Booth was standing in front of her office door waiting for her to appear.
"What are you doing here this early Booth? I've never seen you in the lab before noon," she asked as she approached him.
"A little birdie told me you'd be turning in your vacation request today and I thought I'd stop by to make sure you'd chosen an actual vacation spot," he said, charm smile firmly planted on his face.
She grimaced, "You mean Angela told you I was leaving and begged you to make sure I chose to go somewhere to party rather than work."
"In so many words, yes."
"Well sorry, can't help you there. I'm heading up the Montreal to help out on a few cases."
"C'mon Bones, you need a real vacation for once. Sand, sun, and relaxation."
"What I need is for you and Angela to butt out. I've already told her that this is what I enjoy. You of all people should know that by now."
She pushed him from his position and unlocked her office door. She entered and left him to follow in her wake.
"That's the thing, while you may enjoy working, I am sure there are other things you enjoy just as much. Why don't you try some of those? Instead of your usual working vacation, go rock climbing or diving or something that doesn't involve bones."
Planting her hands on the edge of her desk she closed her eyes and let out a sigh of exasperation.
"I'll probably end up doing a bit of that while I'm there. I have friends in the area and we always end up doing something. Besides it's not the work I need to get away from. Not really anyway. It's the stress of the FBI cases and the constant pressures in my life. Not to mention the pressure of my friends here telling me I need to get out more," she said giving him the eye.
He at least had the decency to look contrite. He crossed his arms and leaned casually against her desk.
"We just want you to be happy. It feels like, sometimes, in your haste to do what's right, you forget to do what's best for you. You're allowed to let go once in awhile. I'm just afraid you're gonna forget that," he said softly, his eyes belaying the concern he felt.
It was her turn to be contrite, "I know that. I am happy and I do have fun. It's just a different kind of fun," she said, just as softly. She smiled and added,
"Besides, the idea of sitting alone on a beach, doing nothing, for an entire week is really unappealing."
It worked, his mood changed from serious to teasing.
"You could always invite me Bones. You know, to make sure you eat once in a while," he said with a wink.
She laughed, which made him smile. They'd been becoming closer this last year and he enjoyed the friendship they had. They had dinner together almost every night and spent most of their downtime together. He liked that she had been opening up to him. She was fast becoming his closest friend and he could think of nothing better. Deep down he hated the idea of losing her companionship for the week but her happiness took precedence over everything else.
"Just be sure to have a good time, or Angela will kick my ass," he said, standing up to leave.
"I'll try," she said with a laugh.
He turned to leave but she stopped him at the door with, "I'll miss you."
He smiled and turned back to face her slightly flushed face. He knew it took a lot for her to confess that.
"I'll miss you too. Call me and tell me how it's going okay?"
She nodded and he once again turned to leave. Her eyes followed him to the door. Once he was out of her sight she turned her gaze downward and thought about her upcoming trip. Suddenly she bolted out of her chair and ran to the door. He was just walking passed the platform when her voice stopped him.
"Booth!"
He turned to face her once again, this time with a quizzical expression.
"Do you… will you come with me? I mean, maybe it is time for a real vacation and you are my best friend next to Angela, and you can make sure I eat once in a while…" she trailed off, holding her breath and embarrassed at her sudden shyness.
He looked up at her for a minute in silence and she squirmed under his stare. Finally he said,
"Sure Bones, I'd love too."
She gave him a smile, which he returned before turning and finally exiting the lab.
She wasn't sure why she asked. She just felt like it was the right thing to do. Booth and Angela were right about one thing, she did need to enjoy her trips a little bit more and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. What she had said was true, Booth was her best friend (next to Angela) and maybe his presence, in a non-work environment would get her to relax a little bit.
It wasn't until she was making her way back into her office that she realized that he hadn't given her 'the look' during the entire conversation. Not once.
A/N: I actually experienced that science class anecdote and I still resent 'the look'. Should I continue on with this or leave it as it is?
