Sometimes when Shawn revisits that night at the drive-in which he does more often than he cares to admit.
He isn't quiet sure who turned down whom.
He knows he was there, and so was she and that she poured out her heart to him in her sweet, endearing, puppy in the rain way.
He remembers seeing for the first time in three years, the vulnerability in those blue eyes and a loss of composure. The blink and you miss it disappointment that flashes through the same eyes, quickly replaced with an understanding complacence.
He most definitely remembers that mind numbing kiss on the cheek and the soft, gentle brush of her fingers along his jaw line before she walks away from him.
All the memories are there, crystal clear in his head. Even if he didn't have eidetic memory, there isn't a single thing he could forget about that night.
Then why does he feel like he's the one who got his heart broken even if the facts say otherwise?
Maybe it was because he felt like someone wrenched a piece of him forcibly as he watched her walk away.
Or maybe the fact that he feels like he lost something that night. Something that makes him feel incomplete ever since.
He hates the way it's become so uncomfortable for him. The manner in which he becomes tongue tied and awkward around her. The fact that he can't even look her in the eye anymore.
But even more than that, he really hates the fact that she is so comfortable with all of it. It bothers him that she can act like nothing happened and talk to him and be friends with him.
"I am perfectly capable of keeping this platonic, as long as you are?"
"Oh please I can…"
"But how?"
Was he really that easy to get over? Just some harmless crush she decided to take a shot at and shrugged and went on with her life when it didn't work out. Didn't he merit a little bit of discomfort on her part. Something even remotely indicative of the fact that she wasn't quite so okay with all of it. That her feelings for him, hadn't just disappeared into some forgotten vault of her heart never to be confronted again.
It certainly was a scary thought to imagine he was so…dispensable.
Well he could take a page out of her book. He could be as mature as her. It might take some work to not be so hyper-aware of everything about her but he could do that. He could try and ignore the soft perfume that wafted from her neck and the proximity they were in by concentrating on her goofy head gear, which surprisingly she pulls off.
He could invite her to a date that he was supposed to be on with Abigail and share with her a breath taking experience without letting it be romantic..ish.
Even if at times, he comes dangerously close to wanting to kiss her on the most romantic place on earth or hold her hand as they took in the sight of the bridge.
"I refuse to be uncomfortable around you. It's silly. You mean too much to me."
He could make this work…
"But how?"
