… Pain…
… Green eyes…
… Lily… Oh, how he wanted to see her again and hold her close, never lose her like he had that night.
Severus registered that Harry was in front of him and pulled him close, motioning with one hand to the tears streaming down his face. "Take it… take it..." A rasping issued from his throat.
Hermione grabbed a vial from her bag and handed it to Harry. He held it under Severus' left eye and caught enough to fill the vial. "Take it to the pensieve," the man murmured as Harry glanced at it.
"Look… at… me..." The dying Headmaster breathed out. Surprised, Harry looked back at Severus. A moment's silence, before Severus spoke again. "You have your mother's eyes." Then, the light in his black eyes dimmed and he exhaled for the last time as his head rolled limply to one side.
Just as his physical self died, Severus felt a tugging at his soul. Before he knew it, he was racing through time backwards. With a feeling of growing unease, he felt he was going to be at a point of his life that was all important to him. His fifth year.
Severus unconsciously shuddered; he loathed this year first and foremost. This was the year he had unintentionally offended Lily Evans, the love of his life, who was a Gryffindor student. He would not make the same mistake twice, nor would he accept Lucius' offer to join the Death Eaters; he wanted Lily by his side more than ever, after all.
He planned to drop a really big surprise on the Marauders this year, too. One they wouldn't be expecting and hopefully afterwards, they could all get along. He also had an idea to give Lucius and Narcissa a bit of breathing room, so they wouldn't just be stuck serving under the Dark Lord.
But, for now, his plans and ideas would have to wait until the right moments. This was his fifth year nonetheless and he planned on acing his O. with Lily and the Marauders by his side, regardless of James' relationship with Sirius.
If he was honest, he thought James' homosexuality mixed with Sirius' bisexuality and Remus in the middle was quite touching. Clearly, both Potter and Black loved the Lupin boy, despite knowing he was a lycanthrope. They knew the danger they put themselves in every full moon, but still continued to go out with Remus.
If he wasn't fond of a Gryffindor himself, he would have called James and Sirius swine for not telling the group earlier. He only knew about them and Remus' issue because Lily accidentally found out one time after Remus told her what he was.
A calm came over him and he realized his soul was starting to settle into his fifteen-year-old body. He wasn't sure where he would be when he woke up, though the Slytherin dormitory was first on his list. Severus would be among Death Eaters, probably, not to mention normal Slytherin students. He would need to tread very carefully this time.
Severus rubbed at his eyes as he woke up, clearing them of sleep. He sat up and glanced around, wincing internally when he saw Avery looking right at him. "What do you want, Avery?" He asked in his usual drawl.
"Lucius wants to see you later, Snape," the other fifth year announced.
Severus gave him a deadpan look; this was about the time the Malfoy school graduate 'requested' that Severus join the Dark Lord's cause. Not this time, Severus thought. "No," he answered.
"W-What?" Avery stammered, unable to believe his ears.
Severus looked down at his fellow, with the subtle raise of an eyebrow. "I said no, Avery. Are you hard of hearing? I know what Lucius wants and my answer remains the same: no."
Jacob Avery stood, swallowing reflexively with fear. No one said no to Lucius. "I'll tell him; he'll still want to see you." He raced out of the dormitory quicker than he'd ever run before.
Severus watched him go, tilting his head as an afterthought. Glancing at the clock, he realized he needed to get ready for his Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. exam. Severus got dressed, went downstairs to have breakfast and then headed to the classroom.
…
Having both graduated two years ago and received the Dark Mark from the Dark Lord, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were standing in a room in the Malfoy Manor. Lucius had cast a spell so his father or any other adult wouldn't hear them. Outwardly, they were 'loyal' to the Dark Lord. But inwardly, they really wanted out and were currently discussing their options, having seen too many horrific things while in His service.
"I worry for you, Lucius," Narcissa replied, concern evident on her face. They were both distressed after one recent incident and it wasn't helping their health. "Should we ask Dumbledore for help?"
"Spies?" Lucius pondered on that, realizing it was the better option as he nodded slowly. "Let's do that. The others can't know, however."
…
Later, the O.W.L. exam for Defence Against the Dark Arts was over. Severus followed the Gryffindors out to the Great Lake and sat down, pouring over the answers he had given. He knew most, if not all, of them to be correct as he deliberated on what to do next.
Without warning, he heard James' voice. "All right, Snivellus?" said James loudly.
Severus reacted so fast it was as though he had been expecting an attack: Dropping his bag, he plunged his hand inside his robes, and his wand was halfway into the air when James shouted, "Expelliarmus!"
Severus' wand flew twelve feet into the air and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Impedimenta!" he said, pointing his wand at Severus, who was knocked off his feet, halfway through a dive toward his own fallen wand.
Students all around had turned to watch. Some of them had gotten to their feet and were edging nearer to watch. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained. Severus lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands up, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water's edge as he went. Wormtail was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Lupin to get a clearer view.
"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.
"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."
Several people watching laughed; Severus was clearly unpopular. Wormtail sniggered shrilly. Severus was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes. "You — wait," he panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. "You — wait..."
"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"
Severus let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but with his wand being ten feet away nothing happened.
"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "Scourgify!"
Pink soap bubbles streamed from Severus' mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him —
"Leave him ALONE!" James and Sirius looked around. James' free hand jumped to his hair again.
It was one of the girls from the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders and startlingly green almond-shaped eyes — Harry's eyes. Harry's mother...
"All right, Evans?" said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature.
"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"
"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."
Many of the surrounding watchers laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and neither did Lily. "You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
Behind him, the Impediment Jinx was wearing off. Severus was beginning to inch toward his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Severus. "OI!"
But too late; Severus had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James' face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Severus was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of greying underpants.
Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter. Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, "Let him down!"
"Certainly," said James and he jerked his wand upward.
Severus fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "Petrificus Totalus!" and Severus keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.
"Take the curse off him, then!"
James sighed deeply, then turned to Severus and muttered the counter-curse. "There you go," he said, as Severus struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus —"
"My name is Severus, Potter," the Slytherin replied coolly. He turned to Lily, thanking her for her help. This, of course, surprised both the boys and Lily. He waved his wand, replacing his trousers, before turning to the boys. By this point, Remus had looked up, intrigued by the change in Severus. "We'll meet in the Gryffindor common room later. It's time to talk."
As he walked off, the boys glanced at each other, wondering what was going on. What had changed in Severus?
…
Later, in the cozy common room of Gryffindor which was round with squashy armchairs, Severus sat after being invited in by Lily. He waited for Lily and the Marauders to be seated, glancing around the room as he did so.
"Alright, we're here," Lily said pleasantly as she and the Marauders sat down. "What do you want to talk to us about, Sev?"
James snorted in disdain, while raising an eyebrow and snuggling closer to Sirius. "Yeah, what could Snivellus have to say to us?"
Sirius leaned over and kissed James on the lips, which caused Remus to smother an embarrassed chuckle. "Pipe down, Moony," Padfoot whispered. James was squirming beside him, wanting more attention. "Calm down, Prongs. Jeez… Such a diva..."
Severus glanced at each of them, pausing at Remus who looked pale and peaky. "Lunar cycle coming, Remus?" Lupin nodded silently. They were all here, so he could get started. "I would like us to start afresh- No, it's not that hard to believe, Potter." He added, seeing James' indignant expression. Nothing would stop him from explaining this. "I'm sick of being bullied and retaliating in kind. And I'm pretty sure the two of you are tired of bullying, especially when you, Prongs, know you're not getting anywhere with Lily."
Sirius sighed and straightened up, pushing James off of him. "Severus is right, James. We've let it go on for too long. I've got plans of my own, as I'm sure you have. We can't have kids on our own, you know? We'll need surrogate mothers."
James' indignation lessened with every word Sirius said until his face was almost its normal colour again. "You're right," he spat in annoyance, closing his eyes to Severus' smirk. "We'll stop bullying you, Severus."
"And stop harassing Lily, while you're at it," Severus insisted.
James waved a hand dismissively, agreeing. "Yes, yes, that too."
Sirius burst out laughing at James' pained response. "The dawn of a new era, right? We'll walk into it together." He raised an arm to cheer. Only Remus smiled.
…
Looking up at Rosier's wand, Lily glared with unyielding fury into her attacker's eyes, prepared for whatever spell he planned to hit her with. All but one.
"Crucio!"
Lily's strength immediately faded as she was enveloped by indescribable, constant pain throughout her body. Her cries were all she could hear, the heart-stopping shrieking all that she could focus on to keep her mind from breaking underneath the torture.
"Get the bloody hell off of her! Confringo!" Sirius shouted as he blasted the ground between all three attackers as they dove for safety, releasing Lily from her torment.
Avery's eyes widened with terror as he gazed up the hill, seeing a single figure sprinting towards them. "It's Snape!"
"Severus...please…"
The words triggered a terrible memory, Severus' grip on his wand wavered as his stomach lurched forward. He could feel it. The wounds on his soul. The memories those words forced into the front of his mind. He could see it: the death of Dumbledore, his own soul cracking and splintering as he cast the Unforgivable Killing Curse. The cold face of the old wizard as Severus felt the long life ended by his own hand.
"Severus...please...please…"
Dumbledore's face shifted to the frightened, tearful visage of Charity Burbage, who unlike the Headmaster, had not accepted death. Charity had been murdered by Voldemort while Severus, her colleague and acquaintance, had been forced to watch with disinterest as she was hideously devoured by Nagini.
Lily tried to reach her weak, tired arms around her best friend's body, but Severus snapped forward, the remnants of his traumatic relapse still fresh in his mind as he feebly marched toward the castle. He had to be alone. He NEEDED to be alone.
That night, Severus walked down to the end of year feast by himself. He'd had to demonstrate to Pomfrey that he was capable of getting himself out of bed and walking around before she'd agreed he could go.
He hadn't minded at the time, as he found it nice to be fussed over by an adult for once. But he had a flash of annoyance when he arrived in the Great Hall to find it already full. Blue and bronze hangings decorated the hall in celebration of Ravenclaw's winning the House Cup and a large banner showing the Ravenclaw eagle graced the wall behind the staff table.
When Severus walked in, the entire hall fell silent for a second, before everyone started talking very loudly. Severus tried to ignore the people standing up, reminded forcefully of his Slytherin Sorting, as he walked quickly over to the Gryffindor table. He slid into the seat between Lily and Remus and looked around.
"Hi Lily, Remus. I didn't miss anything?"
Remus shook his head as the other fifth years all started telling Severus how glad they were to see him. Lily even gave him a hug. "Did you get my bluebell chain?" she asked as she pulled away, blushing slightly.
Severus smiled. "I thought it was yours! Yes, thank you. It was great. Professor Slughorn even put a charm on it so it won't wilt."
Lily opened her mouth to reply when Dumbledore strode into the hall. "Another year gone! And I must trouble you with an old man's wheezing waffle before we sink our teeth into our delicious feast. What a year it has been! Hopefully your heads are all a little fuller than they were… You have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts…
"Now, as I understand it, the House Cup here needs awarding and the points stand thus: in fourth place, Hufflepuff, with three hundred and sixty-two; in third, Slytherin with three hundred and eighty-four; in second, Gryffindor, with four hundred and twenty-four; and first, Ravenclaw, with four hundred and twenty-six."
The Ravenclaw table erupted into cheering. "Yes, yes, well done, Ravenclaw. However, recent events must be taken into account."
Silence descended on the Ravenclaw table at Dumbledore's words. "Ahem. I have a few last-minute points to dish out. Let me see. Yes... First, to Mr Severus Snape, for standing up to an older Housemate in the defence of a fellow student, I award Slytherin house fifty points."
Severus' face reddened as Lily and one of the Gryffindor girls hugged him, but he was smiling. Severus looked down the table to see Alice and Frank joining in the applause, but he grinned cheekily when he saw James looking disappointedly at him.
Dumbledore waited until there was silence once again. "Second – to Miss Alice Nelson… For being a wonderful prefect role model, I award Gryffindor house fifty points."
Severus, Lily and Remus jumped to their feet as they joined in the Gryffindors' cheering. Severus looked at the staff table and nudged Lily; Slughorn was clapping almost hard as McGonagall beside him. Alice buried her face in her hands and, as he sat down again, Severus suspected she may have burst into happy tears.
"Third – to Mr Regulus Black... For being loyal to his friends and a hard worker, I award Slytherin house sixty points."
Slytherin table burst into applause again as people quickly did the maths in their heads. Severus noticed Regulus trying to slink down in his seat, but he pulled him to his feet along with the rest of the table.
Dumbledore raised his voice over the din. "Which means we need a little change of decoration." He clapped his hands once and the Ravenclaw decorations shivered and changed colours. Blue and bronze were replaced with green and silver and the eagle banner was replaced by a serpent. Slughorn and McGonagall were shaking hands. As he dropped McGonagall's hand, Slughorn looked out over the crowd to Severus and smiled warmly.
…
A/N: Hi everyone! Yes, this is yet another timetravel! AU where Severus goes back in time to fix what was his greatest mistake and reinstate his friendship with Lily. If homosexual/bisexual themes put you off, please don't read. You are more than welcome to, of course, but I'll be deleting any flames.
Challenges: Challenges of Magic Big Series Bingo prompt #150: slice of life and Magic Diversity section F50: write about gaining an understanding for something.
Credit: Snape's Worst Memory from book 5 for the Lake scene and the last page from The Elder Wand in book 7.
