It had crossed her mind more than once as to whether John blamed himself for every situation she'd found herself in over the years. She knew he blamed himself for this particular ongoing catastrophe...if she'd been petty minded and angry, she knew she could have blamed him too. She could have blamed him for letting Rodney get ahead of himself and she could have blamed him for leaving her behind at the mercy of Oberoth and the others.
But she didn't. She knew that Rodney had done what he did to try and save her...save all of them she supposed and she knew she was the one who gave the order that, in the grand scheme of things, led her to her current situation.
Yet she didn't regret it. When she saw John and the others safe and well it felt like a weight had been lifted from her mind. She had asked Rodney to forgive himself for what had happened and that she didn't blame him. That she didn't blame any of them.
She also knew that John hadn't believed a word she'd said. The blanked out look on his face told her as much...told her he would blame himself for what happened regardless of what she said.
So the moment she stepped through the gate she made a conscious decision. She had to make it back. Had to figure out a way to get her original body back so she could look John in the eye and say "This wasn't your fault John. I have never blamed you. I never will blame you...I have only ever cared for you."
She knew there was more to it than that. They both did but until they were ready it would have to do.
The last thought she had before drifting into the dreamless slumber of her brethren was one full of hope...hope for both their futures.
