Hold On
by Mashimaro Neko
A/n: Um, I don't really have too much to say about this, other than I love KxK. I can really relate to Koboshi and her feelings, and I wanted to write something for her. Yeah.
My bed is currently an island, a lonely island for me to think on. About this love. This one little-itty-bitty-tiiiny-wiiny love that's sending me through hell right now. Surely millions of people went through this feeling, this same feeling, this same problem… I'm not alone in it. I'm not special in it. But then, why do I feel so alone?
He... is amazing. Kind. Sweet. A little too studious, at times, I'll admit… Patient. Tolerant. Hard working. Sort of blunt.
And kind. If there's one trait I can say straight out, forever and always, he's extremely kind.
That's… part of the problem, you see… kindness… he can't say it straight out and say it rudely, like he should of. "Stupid! I like Misha-san!" (or is it Shia-san?) or something to that effect. Not tell me he's sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry… means… he sort of wanted to. But something made him not. He wanted to. In some way.
However. Let's look at this objectively.
I… am not amazing. Obnoxious. Loud. Too outright. Stupid. Spaztic. Clueless. Annoying. Stubborn. Horrible. Mostly the last.
Why did I think I had a chance? Was it because we were such good friends? Friends make horrible lovers, don't they, though? Why was I so idiotic?
Why am I still so idiotic?
I'm still feeling like I might be able to change it. Like this is a fluke. Like he's gotta like me somewhere. When I know he doesn't.
Why?
I can't change anything but…
I push a button on the phone. His message replays.
"January 30, 4:29 pm. All right, Koboshi-chan. I get it. You win. I'm sorry, Koboshi. I'm sorry."
How did I win? I never won. I never could. The only way I've won is by hearing your voice tell me such a sweet, honey-like lie.
I tried my best for 6 whole years, Kotarou-kun. And you still don't love me. That's not winning. It's not winning at all.
I hit the button again.
"January 30, 4:29 pm. All right, Koboshi-chan. I get it. You win. I'm sorry, Koboshi. I'm sorry."
Maybe… just maybe… He's telling me I can win? I've just got to try even more?
Is there anyway I can try harder? I'm not really sure. But… the thought, even if it's only a wistful one, is very comforting….
I lift my head and look out the window. It's a beautiful day. The sky's alight with vivid colors.
I should be out there. Holding on to these feelings and chasing the one I love. There's a chance I'll catch him. There's a chance I'll catch someone else.
I stand up and walk into the bathroom, to change into a new person.
I can't see it, I can't hear it, but I can feel it in my lightening chest.
A snow-white feather falls gently, indicating a work of an angel, nudging me in the right direction.
