Summary: NozoEli meet in a toilet. Angst/Tragedy (?). Non-Muse AU, Pre-Otonoki

This is darker than it seems. Family issues, ? angst in general i guess. For a happier ending, read the epilogue after the AN at the end.

Also named such because it was literally a toilet moment idea.


Toilet


Two mothers looked back

One with indifference

One with desperate love and anguish


"I'll never be a mother like my own." Eli declared - no, chanted once more. It would have been a fairly more compelling statement if she weren't sitting atop a toilet lid.

Strange as it sounded, toilets were the safest place for her. A strange, hopefully sanitised sanctuary of some sorts. One could hide in a room, but have the room forced open. If you force your way into a toilet, well, you'd be branded a pervert. And so, toilets became her personal space.

Until someone in the neighbouring cubicle runs out of toilet paper. Which is what had unfortunately occurred. Between counting the number of times the doors opened and closed, and noting how many people were in the same space as her, Eli had quietly passed the entire roll of toilet paper to her left neighbour, or more specifically, the 11th user.

And as she sat, her pants pressed against the white cover, she rediscovered her serenity and found familiar thoughts rushing back.

It had been five years after Ayase Eli was born when she actually realised her mother didn't give a shit about her. At first, she had thought her mother was just a little unfriendly and different from the other kids' mothers. She thought her mother was like a block of ice; you could try to hold it and it would hurt you instead. And the ice never held you back. Of course, and that age she didn't know that 'cold' would have sufficed.

Now cold did not suffice.

When Arisa, her younger sister was born, she realised that her mother showered so much love, had a huge amount of affection for her younger daughter. She might have been a dense child, but she was not stupid to that extent.

And so Eli took precious care of the only daughter her mother loved, at first believing she could feel the remnants of her mother's warmth through her sister. But Eli learned to love her sister with all her might, and for once, a family member loved her back as well.

Her sister hugged her at the age of seven, and she had marvelled at the contact. Since then, she had promised herself to always be the type of person who could make people feel the same happiness she had felt then.

She broke it momentarily though, when she made her decision to go to a school with a dormitory. Her sister had pleaded for her to stay, but her mother's absence persuaded her to go. It was liberation from painful ignorance. She graduated, and the first person to greet her was her sister.

The second person to greet her was her neighbour, when she stepped out of her home the next day.

And now, here she was, resting her bum on a public toilet cover because she was unable to spend another minute with her birthgiver. Arisa had dragged both of them to the department store, and proceeded to go out to meet her friend, demanding her older sister and mother spend some 'quality time'.

What a mistake. Eli had immediately taken the opportunity to flee to the toilet. She could have more quality time with the toilet than with her mother. She couldn't bother about how laughable her current situation was. She had returned from her dorm, and failed to get into the school she wanted. Because scholarships to a private all-girls school were rare, and her family had accepted it. Without her consent.

And till the next academic year, she was sandwiched between her sister and her mother. Loved by, admired, and unwanted, respectively. Returning home after a long time should be a joyous moment, but how was one to feel at home when home rejected you?

She sighed, and the cubicle beside her drowned it out with a loud flush. Another person entered the cubicle on her right as the left neighbour left.

"Should I go to a boarding school or…" the voice coming from the stall to Eli's right was one of a young girl, and Eli replied without thinking.

"Boarding school."

A startled gasp passed the gap of the walls.

"Was I speaking out loud?"

Eli smirked. "Yes. yes, you were." How strange it was, to be conversing with another person, nothing but a mere toilet cubicle wall separating you and the other person.

"I… this is embarrassing but funny." a light giggle reached Eli's ear and she smiled.

"I guess it is. This is a first for me."

"I don't talk to people in toilets usually either. Well, if you don't mind me asking… why a boarding school? When I had not listed the other option?"

"If the other option has a dorm, I'd be fine with both options."

"Eh, why is that?

Perhaps it was the anonymity of the toilet wall that gave her courage, and Eli spoke. "Freedom and independence."

"Indeed. I was considering that because I won't have to worry my mother. I hope this isn't strange, a conversation in a departmental store toilet."

"It is fine. Please continue. I mean, I escaped here to take a break." Yeah right, a 'break'. Eli had counted 12 opened doors and 11 closed ones since she had entered. And now it was just her and school questioner.

"Who am I to judge how bizarre this is?" A cough. "I was actually, well, my mother's condition makes it hard for me to leave her though. She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself but she'll get lonely…"

Eli nearly scoffed.

"You see, no one can talk to her much."

"Why?'

"She's… she can't speak."

At this point, neither could Eli.

"I've learnt to be a lot more observant, and I learnt how to sign, but I lack social interaction with others. My mother can get along with her job well, but since there are few people she knows who can sign, she can't really talk to them. Communicate, I mean."

"You're filial. With a reason." Eli tried to let that slip out as a compliment, but it was so bitter, like the black coffee her mother always drank. She drank it once, when she was younger, hoping her mother would like her more.

The only change was that she learnt to hate coffee.

"Eh, you seem like the responsible type though. The cool, reliable sister. But I guess everyone has their own circumstances."

"I'm not really." Eli protested, and shifted her numb bum.

Another person entered, and the two girls fell a sudden silence, their thoughts swirling in their minds.

A flush, rustled clothing, zipping, and a squeak.

Water rushing, stopping, and the squeak again.

"Ah. She's gone."

Both girls exhaled, and could not hold their laughter back.

Once it had subsided, Eli spoke again. Was it indeed the anonymity the toilet provided? The fact that both of them were girls? The clean walls? The lingering smell of disinfectant used to clean the toilet?

"I don't think I should have been born. My mother…" Eli sniffed. It was a fact to her, but it still hurt all the same to admit it openly.

"She has no attachment to me." With each word that burned it's way out of her throat, jumped onto her tongue,and tumbled carelessly out of her mouth, she felt her vision blur. "She loves my sister so, so much, and me, so little."

"So we're in different plights. I now understand more why you would choose a dorm."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

Eli reached for - ah, right, the toilet roll had been donated. Her sleeves soon grew damp. This… this was quiet, solemn acceptance, which even her relatives had deprived her of.

No one believed her, until now. The stranger in the toilet.

Although it was strange to call her a stranger at this point.

"Thank you… for just listening." Eli choked out, and dabbed at her face again. A toilet roll was passed under the gap to her.

"Thank you too."

An alarm rang, and Eli didn't want to move.

"Probably a shoplifter." She muttered.

"You think the culprit would come in here?"

"And join us for a chat?" Eli chuckled. It was strange how at home she felt, in the toilet with a stranger whose face she had yet to see.

"I'm going to be in my first year of middle school next year. Not that it matters that much."

"But you have to decide fast, huh?" Eli asked.

"Mmhmm. What about you, are you attending a school with a dorm?'

"I used to." Eli admitted. "I have to transfer to an all-girls academy for middle school."

"Hey, are you transferring grades too? Does that make us the same age?"

"Yeah."

"That's fate! Fate!"

"Fate, huh?"

"Yup, which school are you going to?''

"Otonokizaka." Eli regurgitated the name.

"Otonokizaka…"

"Hey, that's an awful lot of noise out there." Eli noted. "Screaming?"

"Yeah, I noticed. Maybe the alarm was for an armed robbery.

Eli laughed. "With all that screaming, it's more likely to be a pervert." She tried to joke, but cubicle 1's occupant responded.

"Like a flasher?"

"What if one came in?" Eli pondered, her cheeks still wet.

"Will you protect me?"

Eli smelt burning. "Yeah."

A beat.

"I'll protect you too."

A wail, sirens.

"You ready to go out?"

"... yeah."

Two simultaneous clicks. Two squeaks.

"Say, I'm insured. How much do you think an insurance will provide?"

"Funny, I was thinking of the same thing." Eli cleared her throat and washed her hands.

Purple hair, watery green eyes and a red nose greeted her.

The water from the faulty tap kept running as the smoke puffed in from below the door.

The blaze of red raging outside, a fake sunset at 3 pm.

"I'm Nozomi."

"I'm Eli."

And as two hands connected in a firm shake, trembling all the while, the two girls watched everything crumble.


Two mothers.

One could not bring her heart to care, could not feel, could not cry. But she looked back and her hand instinctively touched her womb. She walked off, following the crowd as her hand reached for her phone.


Two mothers.

One could not talk, could not scream for help as the crowd pushed on, swarming her, and like waves swept her to and fro before knocking her back.

She lost her footing, but her hands frantically moved, her fingers forming words no one paid heed to.


A young man noticed the fallen woman. She was gesturing wildly - was she deaf? Was she mute? She was certainly in danger. He ran forward.

"It's alright, ma'am. I'm sorry, I can't understand sign language, but there's a fire, and you need to get out of here."

Her ankle was swelling, and her legs were shaking.

"Ah, you're injured."

She pointed to the toilet, her eyes wild.

He nodded. "I know you need to use the toilet, but please, ma'am. The toilet can wait!"

She shook her head.

"I guess there's no choice."

He raised her, heaved her into his arms and carried her down, down, out of the department store, and out of reach.

An ambulance siren blared.

A red truck.

Had she been too late?


Two mothers cradled their daughters
As if they were infants once more.


End


AN: I hope that wasn't too confusing. Was it rushed? Yes. was it supposed to be rushed, confusing, and that dark? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Well, it really is up to your own interpretation, so feel free to leave a review about what you think, or if you want to know exactly what's going on. I'll try to reply to every review seeking answers.

Please don't share your life story with complete strangers in the toilet please.

Here's the happier epilogue below. Enjoy.


Epilogue


White sheets. The sharp smell of disinfectant.

"I'm in a hospital." Toujou Nozomi realised. Her body hurt, but she was able to turn her head.

She could make out a head of blonde hair towards her left, and smiled at the familiarity of the situation.

"Otonokizaka, huh?"

The girl in the other bed stirred. A light snore.

Nozomi smiled gently.

"I guess I'll see you there next academic year, Elicchi."