SCENE 1.

The village of Berk.

Enter Hiccup on balcony.

Hiccup:

(Speaks to audience.)

This bare and hostile spot of land is Berk.

It lies a fortnight North of hopelessness

And any further up you'd freeze to death.

It firmly sits on misery's twisted arc.

The village from which I originate―

Put in a single word: A sturdy place.

The Vikings have been here for generations

But ev'ry single house we have is new.

And while there aren't many big attractions,

There's Fishing, Hunting, and a lovely view.

The only ever problem are the pests:

While flies and bees are terrible companions

And mice can put your patience to hard tests,

The thing we're dealing with on Berk is―

Enter Spitlout below on stage, from left.

Spitlout:

―Dragons!

Enter Hoark and Burnthair from right, alarmed.

All three exit left, with battle cries.

Hiccup:

(Continues to audience.)

A man in his sane mind would surely leave

But our Viking nature makes us stay.

In fight, there isn't much we can achieve,

And yet these men fight gladly any day.

(Descends from balcony onto main stage.)

My name is Hiccup Haddock― Great, I know.

But trust me, it is really far from bad!

Bad names can ward off gnomes and trolls, and so

There's many names much worse I could have had.

Vikings, including Spitlout, Hoark, and Burnthair, begin to pass from one side to the other, preparing for the fight.

Hiccup:

Prepare to meet my lovely Viking tribe!

This one is Hoark the Haggard―

Hoark: ―Get inside!

Hiccup: Burnthair the Broad―

Burnthair: ―What are you doing here?

Hiccup: And Spitlout― Well, the names are rather clear.

Enter Stoick.

Stoick:

Hiccup? What jest is this? To me at once!

(To Vikings) What is he doing out here in the fight?

(To Hiccup) Your place, young boy, is Gobber's

weapon shop!

Get back inside this very instant!

Hiccup: ―Right!

Exeunt Vikings with battle cries.

Hiccup:

Stoick the Vast! Berk's chief― First warrior, too.

It's said: When he was just an infant boy

He killed a beast as if it were his toy―

Do I believe that tale? I surely do!

Stoick reappears with Spitlout, catching breath.

Stoick:

Good Spitlout, pray you give me quick report!

Spitlout:

'Tis Gronckles, Nadders, Zipplebacks, and Hoark

Did see a Monstrous Nightmare, I am told!

Stoick: Any Night Furies?―

Spitlout: ―None!―

Stoick: ―Pray stay that so…

(Shouting to Vikings offstage.)

Now hoist the torches, man the gates anon!

Both exit.

Enter Gobber on balcony, handing out weapons to Vikings offstage. Hiccup ascends to join him.

Gobber:

Ah, Hiccup. Nice of you to join! Methought you had been carried off by one of those beasts!

Hiccup:

What, me? You jest! I'm too big for their taste.

They know not what to do with all of― this!

(Points down at himself.)

Below on stage, enter Stoick and Vikings, passing.

Stoick:

We'll move on to the lower half of town

And counter their attack with catapults!

Exeunt Stoick and Vikings.

Hiccup:

(Speaking to audience.)

I'll warrant now you understand the meaning

Of why we have no single seasoned building!

Enter Youngsters from right, pulling a large cart filled with water. They start extinguishing the fires.

Hiccup:

And these young lads form our fire defence,

Although 'gainst dragons it's a hopeless task.

'Tis Snotlout, Spitlout's son, the Thorston twins,

Fishlegs, and that young lady there is― Astrid!

(Watches in awe as Astrid returns to the cart to refill.)

Their job is truly worth much more than mine…

Exeunt Youngsters with cart.

Hiccup:

(Tries to descend to stage, but is held back by Gobber.)

Gobber, please! The fight's about to start!

Pray, let me join, I need to make my mark!

Gobber: Oh lad, you have made far enough of those, just all in quite moronic places!

Hiccup:

I beg you, Gobber! If I slay a dragon

My life will hence be infinitely better!

If even Thorston's twins can pull that wagon

Why won't you let your youngsters do't together?

Gobber: Hiccup, you can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe. Heck, you can't even throw one of these chains!

(Holds up a rope with rocks attached.)

Hiccup:

'Tis true to say my skill with arms is flimsy―

(Heaves up a large crossbow-like device, shows it to Gobber.)

―But technical device shall throw it for me!

(Device backfires, taking out Vikings offstage.)

Gobber: See, this right here is what I'm talking about.

Hiccup: 'Tis but a slight concern of calibration!

Gobber: Hiccup, if you ever want to get out there and fight dragons, methinks you need to stop with all of― this.

(Points down Hiccup's body.)

Hiccup: But you just pointed well to all of me!

Gobber: That's right, young lad. Just stop with all of you.

Hiccup:

Ohhh, you do tread on a dangerous terrain

To keep this much raw Viking-ness contained!

(Points down at himself.)

There will be consequences!―

Gobber: ―Hand them to me.

At present, your concern should rather be to sharpen all these swords ere sunrise.

Exit Gobber.

Hiccup:

I truly wish someday this fight to join―

On Berk, slaying those beasts is ev'rything!

A Deadly Nadder head perched on my wall

At least would have me noticed by them all.

The Gronckles are robust, though hideous―

Such price would surely spawn admirers…

A Zippleback? Exotic, and exciting―

Their double heads would net me twice the liking!

And then those fearsome dragons that are

Monstrous Nightmare named―

A price that ever no-one but the bravest men

can claim.

Yet still, the ultimate reward― The dragon

none have ever seen:

The one that since these fights began has

Stoick's nightmare been.

I wish one day my price would be

The one they call the―

Enter Stoick and Vikings on stage, exhausted.

Spitlout: ―Night Fury!

(Explosion nearby.)

Exeunt Stoick and Vikings on opposite side.

Hiccup:

This dragon― relentless, effective, and vicious―

Never steals, never shows― And it never misses.

No-one has ever killed this kind of beast,

And that's why I dream to accomplish it first.

(Takes the device and descends to stage.)

Enter Vikings, passing.

Spitlout: What are you doing, Hiccup?―

Hiccup: ―Nothing, Sir!

Hoark: Get back!―

Hiccup: ―I won't be long!―

Hoark: ―They need you here!

Exeunt.

Stage lighting switches to indicate change of location.

Enter Hiccup on balcony.

Hiccup:

This meadow plain shall make my shot fly true.

Yet night's so deep, I cannot see a thing!

Wait, over there― I spy a sudden fling

When dragon's wing across the starlight flew…

If now, by chance that tower burst to flame―

Alack, it did! The light shall guide my aim!

(Fires the device. Distant shrieking from offstage. Hiccup surprised at first, then runs down to stage, elated.)

I did it! Yes! Did anybody witness?

Enter Monstrous Nightmare, from right.

Hiccup:

I hoped for Stoick, not your ghastly grimace!

(Stumbles back to left edge of stage, evading attacks.)

Enter Stoick, from left.

Stoick:

Hiccup? Again at chaos' very centre?

If you survive, I'll swear you taste my wrath!

(Fights the dragon. It breathes fire, but Stoick dodges.)

Your fire's all extinct and empty, Devil!

Flee to that evil place from whence you came!

(Hits the dragon on the head with his hammer.)

Exit Monstrous Nightmare.

Silence. Enter Gobber, Vikings and Youngsters.

Hiccup:

(Speaking to audience.)

And there is one more thing you should not miss:

That Stoick, Chief of Berk― my father is.

(Awkward pause, Stoick panting. All eye Hiccup angrily.)

(To Vikings.) I shot the Night Fury―

Stoick: (Embarrassed.) ―Enough of it!

Hiccup:

But father, 'tis unlike the last attempts!

This night, while all the town was in the thick

I had a shot and took the dragon―

Stoick: ―Silence!

How come that on the moment thou appearst

Disaster is the single thing that follows?

Canst thou not see that I have larger needs?

When winter comes, all Berk I have to feed!

Hiccup:

As son to father, I have to confess:

Mayhaps the men could eat a little less―

Stoick:

(Enraged.) Tell me, my son: Is this a joke to you?

Why canst thou not obey the simplest order?

Hiccup:

'Tis in my nature, take it as you will:

If I espy a dragon, I must kill!

(Pause. Stoick exhausted.)

Stoick:

My son, 'tis true that thou art many things

But dragonslayer is not one of them.

Return to our home this very instant.

(To Gobber.) And Gobber, pray keep eye he

does it true.

Vikings and Youngsters begin to exit.

Tuffnut: What a performance!―

Ruffnut: ―Truly, it was flawless!

Snotlout: Aye, never have I seen a man cause such amount of problems.

Exeunt Vikings and Youngsters.

Only Hiccup and Gobber remain.

Hiccup:

I thank you, fellows! Truly, 'twas my effort.

(Aside.) Though, in my heart I know: I killed the beast!

If only I could make my father see

That finally I succeeded my endeavour…

(They ascend to balcony.)

Pray tell me, Gobber: Why can he not listen

To anything his son hath need to say?

Not even doth he any will display

To open up and see his son's position!

(Mimicking Stoick.)

Excuse me, barmaid, there's been a mistake,

For this is not the kind of son I ordered!

A large and beefy offspring was my wish

And not a talking fishbone such as this!

Gobber: Methinks you have the wrong approach on this. It's not so much what you look like, but what's inside of you that he cannot accept!

Hiccup: …Thank you for this explicit summary.

(They reach Stoick's house.)

Gobber: Young lad, the point is: You should stop trying so hard to be a man that you are clearly not!

Hiccup: My only wish is to be one of you!

Exeunt.