Tenchi Muyo! Star Roars

Six drabbles on a theme of George Lucas

©2010 Golden Banana

1. The Quantum Menace

"Mihoshi!" Sasami yelled, banging a spoon against a frying pan. "Dinner time! D-I-N-N-E-R!"

"Don't worry about her," said Washu. She peered over the top of her book, an imposing tome by Erwin Schrödinger. "She's helping me with an experiment. She may be late."

Suspicious glances went around the table.

"Late?" Ryoko asked. "Helping? By 'helping', you mean 'being an experimental subject'?"

Everyone jumped up and ran into the laboratory, wherein they found a large box. They broke it open to find Mihoshi and some ominous radioactive apparatus.

"Washu, what have you done to her?" Tenchi snarled. "She looks half dead!"

2. The Cone Wars

"I can't believe that even you would suggest such an atrocity," said Aeka.

"Shut yer yap, princess," Ryoko snapped back. "I'm just giving Tenchi what he wants."

"Tenchi is not an uncouth barbarian! He is a man of taste and refinement. The future Emperor of Jurai would never settle for what you are offering."

"You wanna make something of it, princess?" Ryoko growled. Energy arced between her fists.

"Any time you're ready." A ring of logs formed around Aeka.

"Ladies, ladies," said the man behind the counter.

The two turned and glared at him.

"Chocolate!" said Ryoko.

"Strawberry!" said Aeka.

3. Revenge of the Yith

"Miss Washu, what does this button do?"

Washu turned, horrified, to see Mihoshi's finger pressing the big red button.

"No! Don't… too late. You idiot! You just activated my portal from the distant past. I haven't set up the containment field! Dinosaurs could come running through here any second!"

"Really? Cool!"

Something huge and polypous hurtled from the newly formed portal and crossed the chamber. A ten foot high conical creature followed it, one clawed tentacle holding a paintball gun which it pointed at the polyp.

"My name is Ffrhggh Thoerswhgt," it said. "You splattered my father. Prepare to dye."

4. A New Soap

"Can you believe that guy?" Ryoko grumbled.

"I know," Aeka agreed. "How many years is it now?"

"I've lost count. How much longer will he keep us in suspense? It can't really be that hard to make a decision, can it?"

"To be honest, I've lost faith. We'll never see a resolution. Enough is enough."

"What? You can't wimp out on me now! Not after all we've been through together!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Ryoko, but… yes, I've had enough of his unending indecisiveness and the back and forth. From now on, I shall watch Light Years of our Lives instead."

5. The Umpire Strikes Back

"Fifteen love!" Aeka declared.

Sasami threw two balls to Tenchi. He returned to the baseline, waited until Mihoshi was ready to receive, threw one of the balls into the air, and served.

The ball went so wide that it smacked Aeka in the side of the head. She yelped and flailed her arms as the umpire's chair toppled sideways, depositing her on her tush.

"Oops," said Tenchi. He turned and fled, but a loud crack! sent him into a world of pain.

"Silly Tenchi," said Sasami. "You know better than to turn your back on Aeka when she's got Oshioki-kun."

6. Return of the Red-Eye

Tenchi awoke groggily. He scratched his head, yawned, and sat up.

"Good morning," said a bleary voice from a disembodied head sticking out of his bedroom wall.

Tenchi screamed and jumped out of bed. Ryoko phased fully through the wall and squatted atop two feet of thin air beside him. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"Ryoko, have you been drinking before breakfast?"

"No."

"Then… you've been up all night, watching me? I've told you not to do that!"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Just got back back from Paris. Geeze, how do Earth people cope with long haul air travel? Jet lag sucks."