Chapter 1
Disclaimer- I don't own the Game Grumps channel.
The distinctive smells of pine wood and mouse shit fill my nose the moment I open the glass cage. I feel a tickle in my nose, the kind that foreshadows a wet and loud sneeze. I love my job, I really do, but a pet store is not a good place for anyone allergic to fur and dust. I concentrate on holding it in as I scoop the stale wood into a trash bin I had brought with me. After all the old stuff is removed, I add a few scoops of somewhat fresher shavings to the container and do my best to distribute them evenly over the ground. The mice skitter away from my gloved hands fearfully, hiding in their sleeping area where they considered themselves safe. When I finish, I withdraw my hands, only to have to stick them back in a moment later. One of the more fearless rodents makes an escape attempt, dashing towards the open side panel. I grab him and place him towards the opposite side, giving myself enough time to shut the panel. I make a subtle check of my surroundings to make sure I'm alone.
"Sorry little fella, not today. Trust me, It's safer where you are. There's a whole lot of kids with their pets in here, and those critters are liable to eat you." I snicker. "And those pets aren't good news, either."
I close the bag of wood shavings and toss my plastic gloves in the bin. As always, I check to make sure the panel has been shut all the way and is locked. I grabbed the bin and the bag and make my way towards the storage room. I place the bag on it's shelf, and the bin in the corner. At the end of the day, the contents of the bin would be dumped into a larger bin behind the building, labeled as being for biological waste material. Us employees lovingly refer to it as the Crap Can.
I scrub my hands in the storage room's sink before heading back to the rest of the store. Since I had been wearing my ridiculously large plastic gloves, my hands hadn't actually been exposed to anything, but regulations were regulations. Even if I didn't have mild OCPD making me want to wash my hands repeatedly after being even that close to feces, I would have to if I didn't want to risk losing my job. And losing this job was down there with eating my cat on the list of things I didn't want to do.
What really set this job apart from minimum wage jobs I had had in the past was the absolutely tiny amount of human interaction it required. Unlike working in fast food or retail, the majority of the job was not talking to people and pandering to customers. Most days, all I really did was feed animals, give fresh water, clean tanks and cages, and restock shelves. Occasionally I'd have to replace a bulb in a reptile tank, or clean after someone's pet had an accident. Because most of the customers we had were not first-time owners, they usually knew exactly what they wanted or needed without assistance from an employee.
"Hey, um, excuse me? Hi."
Of course, not all days go flawlessly as far as avoiding the customers. As I exit the back area, a guy who looks to be in his mid-twenties walked up to me. He has scruffy facial hair and medium length brown hair with a peculiar bleached streak in it. He seemed to be trying and failing to hide his anxiety.
"How can I help you?" After I give the polite response ingrained in all sales employees during their training, the dude bursts into a loud and upset explanation of his situation.
"Okay, so I brought my cat in because he needs a new collar and shit, right? And I had him on this leash thing. But then there was this huge monster of a dog-" He motions back in the direction he came from. I note, with no small amount of humour, that the only dog visible in the area he is motioning to is a Boston Terrier. I also note the lack of a cat or leash in the man's hands.
"-and it barked and my cat got away because I wasn't fucking paying attention and the leash slipped. And now I can't find him, and Suzy's going to be really mad at me." I nod and look around the store, thinking. It wasn't the first time a pet had gotten away from it's owner, but usually the pet was a dog. Dogs were loud, stupid, and easily found because they could only move on the ground. Cats were an entirely different type of beast, both literally and metaphorically. They followed the same physical laws as a liquid, and were small enough that they could hide in almost any space. They had the ability to climb as well, and made barely any noise. There were almost no limits to where a cat determined to escape it's owner could hide.
"Okay, what's his name, and what does he look like? I'll do my best to help." A big, dopey grin lights up his face. He apparently has no idea of the hell we were probably in for, trying to find a single cat in a pet store, but I don't want to break the news to him.
"So his name's Mochi-" I try my very best not to judge him. It's not the weirdest pet name I've heard by far, especially considering that I've always named my pets after dead mathematicians, but it was not what I expected. "-and he's grey and white and just fucking floofy as shit all over."
I nod. We began our search at the front of the store, checking aisle after aisle carefully for a glimpse of the stray cat. The guy calls the cat's name every few minutes, while I ask one of my fellow employees to keep an eye out for any pets without owners. We make our way through the entire store silently, afraid we'll scare Mochi off if we ever run into him. The cat is nowhere to be seen by the time we've finished checking every nook and cranny, which the store had more of than a package of english muffins, and his owner seems to be fairly close to panicking. I'm fairly frustrated myself, since we'd been searching fruitlessly for almost an hour, and finally I decide that I have had enough.
"I'm through with this bullshit. The cat must be moving. There is no way we can check the entire store at once." I growl. The customer seems to agree with me, pushing his bangs back with one hand in frustration. I'm about to resort to pulling the fire alarm when I get a better idea. "Or maybe there is."
I take one of the ladders used for restocking shelves and push it towards the center of the store. The man trails behind me, looking confused as to what I am planning. He is not confused for long, as I quickly began ascending the damn thing. I fly up the ladder like a squirrel up a tree, and don't stop until my head is high above the shelves, giving me a bird's eye view of most of the store.
"Anything?" He called up hopefully. I ignore him and scan the floors below. I turn my head just in time to see a feather duster-like tail disappear behind the fish tanks.
"Over by the fish!" I call out, shimmying back down the ladder almost as quickly as I ascended. Unfortunately, my foot catches under one of the last few steps, throwing off my balance and flinging me headfirst towards the ground. I close my eyes, anticipating the pain that would come in the next second. Sure enough, my face hits the tiles with a loud smack. I don't try to get up right away, instead laying there and drowning in my pain and embarrassment. I lie still for a solid three seconds before the incredibly awkward silence is broken.
"...Are you alright?"
I sigh and roll onto my back, staring blankly up at the dude. "Oh, yes. Absolutely. It tickled, really."
He looks as if he is unsure whether or not it is appropriate to laugh. He offers me a hand, which I accept. I rub my nose with the back of my hand, and pull it away to see a tiny bit of blood smudged across the smooth skin. I am most definitely going to look like someone punched me when my face has had time to bruise.
"Thanks. And actually, no. I am not alright. My face hurts like a motherfucker. Let's just go get your fucking cat and get you out of here before something else potentially deadly happens to my person." I take a few steps before I freeze, realizing how rude that last statement sounded to someone unfamiliar with my particular brand of humor. I turn to face the guy to apologise. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong, I-"
"It's absolutely fine. That's nothing compared to shit I say to my friends." I nod, and we share a brief smile before continuing our trek towards the hiding place of the cat. Our pace is not quite a run, but it's fast enough that we arrive there in no time at all. I glance behind the fish tanks and see the cat seated just out of my reach in what would be an uncomfortably tight place if he were almost any other animal. The gap that we are standing at appears to be the only way in or out, so the cat has no escape route. Unfortunately, we seem to have to wait for the cat to decide to exit on his own.
"Mochi!" I call quietly, and click my tongue at him. His only response is a disinterested glance in my direction before returning his gaze to the colorful aquatic creatures in front of him. "Mochi- oh, this isn't working. Dude, you try. You're his owner."
"Yeah, no problem." I move to the side and allow him full access to the gap. "Mochi! C'mere, you little guy. Mochi!Mochi. Mo-chi. Shit." The cat has not moved a single inch. The owner runs his hands through his hair in frustration. He makes eye contact with me, silently requesting assistance. I shrug and shove my hands into my back pockets, to show that I had no ideas. I feel something dry and flaky against my fingertips as I do so. I withdraw my hand and look at it, noticing tiny green flakes stuck to it. I reach back into my pocket and collect a pinch of whatever the stuff was. Bringing it up to my face, I pick out a couple pieces of pocket lint and determine that it is definitely some kind of plant. I notice the dude sending me a really weird look.
"What are you- Oh." I look back at the dried plant. "Oh. This- This isn't weed. At least, I hope not, because I don't do that shit. And I don't think anyone else has worn these pants." I sniffed my fingers, and flicked my tongue out to taste a bit of the leaves. "Catnip." I determined.
"Why is there catnip in your pants? Is that normal? I mean, like, weed is one thing. But catnip?" I fix him with the most deadpan look I can muster.
"I'm actually a cat-person from Neptune. My baggy pants are used to hide my furry tail. I was sent here on a mission to conquer your planet. Now that you are aware of my mission, I will have to kill you."
"I thought cats landed on their feet."
"Okay, fuck you. That was uncalled for."
I'm really surprised that I am getting on so well with someone I've just met. I normally have trouble holding a conversation with my close friends, let alone strangers. "Okay, so maybe I'm not a cat person from Neptune. Maybe I just have a cat at home."
"That would make a lot more sense." I nod my agreement and hold my arm as far as it will go into the gap. It takes a bit, but eventually I feel something fuzzy nuzzle against my fingers. I hold still for a moment before scooping up the cat, nestling him securely in my arms where he can't escape.
"Do you want him back, or should I hang onto him while you grab the stuff you need so he doesn't escape again? Or, you know, if you decide that you don't want him any more, I know this chinese restaurant-"
He laughs. "Nah, I think I've got him now. I'm Arin, by the way. I just realized I never introduced myself."
"Ah, well, I'm John. You know, in case the nametag didn't give it away."
"Awesome. Thanks for this, by the way. I know chasing cats and falling off of ladders probably isn't something you do every day here."
"Only when the cat's owner is a complete damsel in distress. It was fun, well, mostly. I could have lived without introducing my face to the floor, but what can you do, really." I laugh awkwardly, the fact that I was talking to someone I knew almost nothing about finally catching up to me. "Um, well, if that's all you need, I... I should get back to work. Not that I'm not having an absolute blast talking to you but- uh-" I gesture wildly around the store.
"I get that, it's fine. I could just lose Mochi again, but there are probably responsibilities you have to get to. I don't want to be that guy." The very idea sends a flash of panic through me, and judging from his laughter, he definitely notices.
"Yes. You are absolutely correct." I turn as if to walk away, before looking back at Arin. "Oh, I almost forgot." I plaster the fakest smile I possibly can on my face. "Have a wonderful day."
His laugh sticks with me for the rest of my shift, along with the thought that his voice seemed familiar somehow.
AN: This is my first fanfiction on this account, and my first Grumpfic in general. I have the next four chapters already written, so I'm going to be adding a couple more in this first update. If they go over well, I'll be sure to add more. I'm not sure what my regular update schedule will be, so don't hold your breath or anything between updates. If you see some flaw in the story that I overlooked, PLEASE bring my attention to it. 95 percent of the time I will not have done it intentionally. I am also welcoming any suggestions as to how this story will develop, but I'll only listen to them if they don't veer too far from my original plans.
