Jack got the call when he was just twenty years old. When I heard, I cried until all the tears were gone from my eyes. It hurt so bad to even think about how it could have happened. He was so young and has his whole life ahead. I look at pictures now and think about the times when he smiled so big, it made me crack up. Still, he got the call and nobody in my family could bear it.
There was this one time before the call that he and I were walking outside late at night just talking about our days. It had just snowed and it was freezing. He'd given me his coat, saying he didn't need, when it was obvious he did. His breaths were shorter and his cheeks were like ripe red tomatoes. His eyes got teary, like they always did when it was cold outside. And it was funny because his eyes are the kind of blue you'd imagine ice to be. So his eyes looked like ice in the chill of the winter. "Shelly," he'd say, "The snow reminds me of life."
"How so?" I'd respond. Jack was like a huge Book of Proverbs. He always had some kind of wisdom to share. I always wanted to know what he had to say about something. I actually started to write them down so I'd never forget them.
"Snow is like life. It's a circle. It comes down and stays for a while, but then it's the sun's turn for nature and the snow goes away. But then more, new snow comes around the next winter. And over, and over, and over this happens."
I would smile every time he'd say something like that. I had to stick it to my brain so I wouldn't forget it. "That's interesting, Jack, and you know, it does make sense!"
"Has anything I said not made sense?" he'd ask laughing hysterically.
Jack had the best laugh. It was deep and playful, and it could go on for hours! His laugh was even contagious. Whenever he laughed, I found myself laughing too. That's one of the things I love best about my brother.
And that's when I started laughing too.
When Jack got the call, everyone was in shock. Did he really deserve this? I remember the phrase going through my head: This isn't happening. It's all okay. Wake up! My mom cried the moment she found out and clung to my dad. I waited until I was up in my room that night and cried the whole night. I couldn't go to sleep knowing what just happened to Jack. I could hear my parents wake up and move about their bedroom talking and my mom hyperventilating. My dad tried calming her down, but I knew he was just as upset as she was. But men are men. The day after, we met with some family to comfort each other about it. Nobody talked at first. That's when I ran upstairs and brought down Jack's book of his proverbs.
One time, Jack decided to take my best friend and me to the movies. There was a movie he'd been dying to see, and dragged us with him. I can't remember the movie, but I do remember what Jack said about it after. "You know, Shelly and Diane, that movie makes me think."
"About what?" I'd respond, as usual.
"The movie makes me think about how much I want ice cream." We all laughed because it was one of the stupider things he's said. But it did make him take us for ice cream.
Jack likes chocolate peanut butter, and I like mint chocolate chip. Diane doesn't like ice cream and got a smoothie instead. She'd always say, "How can you guys eat that stuff, it's disgusting!" Jack would tell her, "It's easy, just scoop some up and put it in you mouth, chew and swallow." When Jack was sarcastic, it always made me laugh.
My parents lit up a bit when I told them what it was I was holding. They also liked Jack's wisdom, as much as anyone who knew him. I started reading them aloud.
Everything I see is green and that is life right there, Shelly, you know. It's all beautiful, and when it doesn't get what it needs, it sort of dries up until someone can help it.
The clouds, Shelly, are the best part of the sky. They give it character. Without clouds, the sky is a big blob of blue. The clouds are fancy Christmas decorations for the sky.
Mom and Dad, you know that grade I got on my math test, well it's not my fault. The lights in the sky did not work and studying was just not an option.
Everyone got a kick out of the last one. I wished at the moment that he was there listening to all the wonderful things he'd said that kept me going in my life. He's my angel.
When I was fifteen, he was eighteen. He was just about to go to college and I was in my sophomore year in high school. My boyfriend, Marcus, had just broken up with me. That's when depression started. He'd broken up with me because I wasn't pretty enough and that I never was with him. That was a lie because I was with him about every day. Then he started dating this one girl, Tiffany, who was studying to be a model. I literally felt so betrayed and ugly that I wanted life to end. I didn't want to live if I wasn't pretty enough and would never find someone else.
Jack would come into my room sometimes when I was crying and just sit and listen to me. It always made me feel better knowing he was always there. Just there, and that's all I needed. I remember him telling me, "Shelly, you don't need him. You know, that girl is super ugly and conceited. Have you seen runway models? They're too skinny and too angry-looking! You're perfect, Shelly, and he's stupid." That always made me smile. That's a big brother!
It's been about a month since the call to Jack, and I still don't think everyone's over it. Recently, I'd been reading the Proverbs of Jack. I stopped on that one from the winter night, the one about the snow. Then I started thinking that what Jack had said was true. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe God just thought it was somebody else's turn to live, and Jack had fulfilled his duty here. And boy, he was the best. I'll never forget Jack, the best brother in the entire world. The Book of Proverbs. The angel.
