NATURAL

Prelude: Five Steps

Disclaimer: The characters and universe belong to LJ Smith and Julie Plec.

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SONG : WAIT - M83

I slip into the meanders.

I slip and nobody catches me. I slip and I ask for a real attention.

To you, who I hate. You, who have taken everything from me. You, who sucked me every drop of life. You, who made me believe in doing my best to finally kill me slowly. Poison me.

Why did you do this to me?

Shock

I should not have be affected by her death.

Each passing day, was like a knife. It was amusing itself plunging into my heart. Repeating. It was painful and short. I felt the tears came to my eyes, running down my skin and crash on my bed. Large salty drops. Bitter. I was breathless.

Anger

My grandmother. She was dead. My mentor, my life. And she was dead. A second time.

The spirits killed her.

Because I did not have listened to them. A second time. And my grandmother too. A second time.

Why do I never learn? Why do I not keep my job? Why do they keep using me so easily? I hate myself so much. I wish I could disappear.

Bargaining

I'd do anything. Anything.

I would even give up my power.

I would give it, I would sell it.

Then return them to me.

Give me back my mother. Give me Grams. And take it.

Take it.

Depression

"- Bonnie? Caroline whispered, knocking on the door. Can I come in?

I buried my face in my pillow too weak to respond, while Caroline took the liberty to enter my room.

We could have thought, I was a happy girl. Posters of Two Doors Cinema Club which covered my walls were witnesses of my optimism, my merry way to enjoy life.

But there, at that moment, all that was in my head was a continuous sound, exhilarating. Continuously. Voices. Even Radiohead, couldn't do anything.

Caroline sat down next to me, neither too close nor too far, just to contemplate the disaster I was. She took my hand in a desire for compassion but I took it back. Sharply. Because seeing death was impossible. See death was inconceivable to me. Caroline was dead.

Just like my mother.

"- I can't, I managed to blow. Forgive me.

She didn't want it. She just looked at me with a look of deep sadness.

"- Elena ...

Elena ...

I showed a disheveled me,jumping which surprised Carolina who backed up a little scared. My face wet, only a spark shone in my dead eyes. A glimmer of destructive hatred.

"- I don't want to see her.

- But Bonnie ...

- I don't want to see her Caroline ! I yelled at one go.

Not now. Not today.

Caroline impressed by my anger filled with madness, obeyed and bowed her head.

"- I get it.

I sat back and looked at her without really seeing. Caroline got up and wanted me to touch my shoulder, but suspended her gesture, changing her mind.

"- Rest Bonnie. I will come back.

I laid down again on my bed and watched the ceiling. The silence spoke. Nothing touched me. I closed my eyes slowly and sent a long expiration. I calmed down.

Acceptance

I know. I know what to do now. And I would.

I was hate. And I would recover.

They will be proud of me. I'd be a real witch. A real Bennett.

I would recover my powers. And I would keep them.

They might ask. Everything. Threaten me.

But I would be stronger than them. I could kill them without a thought.

Them, with their ridiculous crusade.

We weren't friends for a long time.

You have taken from me too much. Elena.

And now it's my turn.