DOPPELGANGERS

A League of Legends Fan Fiction Play

By Cavebear

Dramatis Personae

Andrei, a magical technician

Gotfrid, Andrei's supervisor

Maxim, Director of Tech Support, known as The Finger, Gotfrid's boss

Jarvan IV, Prince of Demacia, a League of Legends champion, enemy to Jericho Swain

Jericho Swain, Grand General of Noxus, a League of Legends champion, enemy to Jarvan IV

Arv, a commentator

Cliff, a commentator

Gangplank, Pirate King, a League of Legends champion

Sarah Fortune, a bounty hunter and pirate chaser, a League of Legends champion

Taric, a knight, a League of Legends champion

Darius, General of Noxus, a League of Legends champion, brother to Draven

Draven, Executioner of Noxus, a League of Legends champion, brother to Darius

Katarina, Assassin of Noxus, a League of Legends champion, in love with Garen

Cassiopeia, a mage, a League of Legends champion, sister to Katarina

Garen Crownguard, a League of Legends champion, in love with Katarina

Luxanna Crownguard, a League of Legends champion, sister to Garen

Shyvana, Chamberlain, a League of Legends champion, bodyguard to Jarvan

Vayne, a Demacian warrior, a League of Legends champion

Ashe, Queen of the Freljord, a League of Legends champion

Tryndamere, King of the Freljord, a League of legends champion, husband to Ashe

Berit, a shield-maiden, Ashe's body servant

Vi, a League of Legends champion

Jinx, a League of Legends champion

King Jarvan, King of Demacia, father to Jarvan

Doctor, the Royal Physician

Scene:

Act I—The Halls of Justice

Act II—The Demacian Royal Palace

Act III—The Demacian Royal Palace

Act IV—The Demacian Royal Palace

DOPPELGANGERS

[Act I Scene One]

Gotfrid's office—Andrei, Gotfrid

Andrei: "Shit! This doesn't look good."

Gotfrid: "No it doesn't. What do you suppose Old Finger will say when he finds out?"

Andrei: "We'll be snookered."

Gotfrid: "Indeed. The boss is not exactly known to tolerate error, is he?"

Andrei: "Bugger! The old tosspot? Not in the slightest."

Gotfrid: "Then we'd best locate them and get them back right away. Not so?"

Andrei: "Right-ho. Still…that could take a bloody long time. When are you going to report this?"

Gotfrid: "I'm not."

Andrei: "You're not? We can't just pretend it didn't happen."

Gotfrid: "You'll be the one doing the reporting. That's what assistants are for."

Andrei: "Fuck me!"

Gotfrid: "I'm sure Old Finger won't shoot the messenger. Best get cracking."

Andrei: "Sod off."

[Act I Scene Two]

Maxim's office—Andrei, Maxim

Maxim: "Let me get this straight: You LOST two champions during a trial of our new grudge match arena?"

Andrei: "Yes, sir. Teleportal malfunction."

Maxim: "And not just any two champions: Jarvan IV and Jericho Swain."

Andrei: "Yes, sir. Those two exactly. They did have quite a large grudge to settle."

Maxim: "Spare me the obvious, Assistant. You do realise that we cannot afford to tell the Demacians and the Noxians about this, don't you?"

Andrei: "Afraid I don't quite follow you, Your Genius."

Maxim: "Of course you don't. You are merely a dim-witted magical technician, not a politician."

Andrei: "Right you are, Your Reverence."

Maxim: "Why did we create the Fields of Justice in the first place?"

Andrei: "To bring an end to the interminable wars that threatened civilizations all over Runeterra. Even I know that. I'm not a bloody moron."

Maxim: "I'll be the judge of that. What do you think will happen if we tell two of the most powerful and warlike nations in recent history that we have lost their military leaders? To a freak teleportal accident?"

Andrei: "Bugger! I mean, knowing them, they won't believe us."

Maxim: "And then…"

Andrei: "And then they'll blame each other of sabotage, or assassination, or something."

Maxim: "And then…"

Andrei: "And then they will declare war on each other, and lay waste to Valoran…Oh, fuck!"

Maxim: "Your language leaves much to be desired, but I believe you have hit upon it exactly: Oh, fuck! In layman's terms, that is."

Andrei: "What are we going to do, Your Genius?"

Maxim: "We are going to replace the VIPs, temporarily…until they can be found, recovered, and restored. We'll get Waldo Moreau the Illusionist to help us."

Andrei: "But he's a dangerous criminal, Your Reverence!"

Maxim: "Yes, but he's no fool. He'll co-operate in return for a pardon and his freedom. Lesser of two evils, for us."

Andrei: "I suppose so, Sir. But whom do we get to impersonate the champions? We can't just send bloody anybody onto the Fields of Justice, can we Sir? Are you going to cancel all their matches?"

Maxim: "Certainly not. We'll have to use other champions, unfortunately. There are bound to be a few who could be convinced to do the job, discreetly. Of course, the fewer who know about this, the better. So you will be my personal ambassador until further notice. Do you understand?"

Andrei: "Yes, Sir. But why me? I mean, diplomacy was never my strong suit, and shit, I'm not exactly gifted with language."

Maxim: "Just so. Nobody will believe that your business is of the gravest importance, for what fool would entrust a hyper-delicate diplomatic crisis to one such as you?"

Andrei: "Ah…I understand now. People will think that I am arranging some sort of practical joke like that time I spiked the lemonade in the Apprentices' Cafeteria."

Maxim: "That was you? I always wondered what prime idiot was responsible."

Andrei: "Bugger!"

[Act I Scene Three]

The Rusty Nail, a tavern and pirate hangout—Andrei, Gangplank

Gangplank: "Shiver me timbers! This be a right lot of swag ye be offerin' me for this practical joke. An' all I gotta do is pretend to be Jarvan for a couple of days?"

Andrei: "Yes, but nobody can figure it out, or you won't get paid. So, what say you?"

Gangplank: "What say I? I say that I be a rich man already, mate."

Andrei: "Bugger! Well, looks like I lose my bet with Miss Sarah Fortune."

Gangplank: "Miss Fortune said that I wouldn't do it?"

Andrei: "No, she said that you couldn't do it, actually."

Gangplank: "Yaaarrh! And just what was the bet, laddie? Tell me afore I cut ye ta pieces!"

Andrei: "Well…she said the chances of my persuading you and you pulling off the deception were so low, she would sleep with me if you were successful."

Gangplank: "Now why couldn't the little lassie have made that proposition directly to me? I be ten times the man ye be, chum."

Andrei: "Bugger if I know. Still, it's all academic, since you don't need the money."

Gangplank: "I've changed me mind. I be a pirate king, so why shouldn't I be able to play a prince convincingly?"

Andrei: "Exactly. And with the help of our illusionist, you will look, sound, smell, and even taste like Jarvan IV."

Gangplank: "That be some illusionist friend ye've got, laddie."

Andrei: "Shit yes. You and he ought to get on perfectly."

Gangplank: "If an' I be successful, yer illusionist friend will make me look like ye, and I'll be enjoying the bounty of the one and only Miss Fortune. What say ye?"

Andrei: "Sod off."