Title: Next Caller

Summary: Harmony needs some advice, so she calls Kitty's radio show.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Kitty and the Midnight Hour by Carrie Vaughn. I am making no money off this fanwork.

A/N: For Angel, set post series; for Kitty Norville, set between Kitty and the Midnight Hour and Kitty Goes to Washington. I don't often write a story that's entirely dialogue, but when I do it probably involves a radio show.


"We have Harmony from Los Angeles on the line. Hello, Harmony."

"Hi, Kitty! I love your name, by the way. So adorbs. And I'm so happy you took my call. I'm having a serious issue here."

"Uh, thanks, and you're welcome. What seems to be the issue?"

"I listen to your show, like, religiously, and you always give out such good advice, so I thought you might be able to help. See, I've just lost me job, and I'm a little worried about getting a new one. Oh, I guess I should tell you I'm a vampire, and as you might imagine, most night jobs involve doing things that are just, eww."

"Well, Harmony, most of the vampires I know don't worry very much about the job market. They usually work under their master. Since you haven't mentioned one, though, am I to assume you don't associate with the local master?"

"Uh, duh, no. I'm one of the independent undead, thank you."

"Let me guess. Bad break-up?"

"...I...well...yes...My first real 'master' was kind of a jerk to me. I mean, hello, he staked me, and even though we hooked up again recently, and he seemed to be a really different person, it turned out he was different to everyone but me. So, I'm totally over him. For real. And I'm over having a master. I was even my own master for a while."

"You. You were a master vampire?"

"Yeah. I had minions and everything. But that, uh, didn't work out..."

"Okay, so let's get back to the job hunt. You said you just lost your job?"

"I was the secretary to a very powerful vampire CEO, and oh-my-God, it was way harder than it sounds, but totally worth the dental insurance. But I moved up the ladder really quick, so, like, everyone was jealous of me. Which, I was always super popular in high school, so I'm used to that, but things were pretty intense around the water cooler. One of the other secretaries even tried to frame me for murder."

"Sounds extreme."

"It was. And I totally thought I'd was getting canned after I staked her, but apparently, it worked in my boss's favor, so it was cool. Still, afterwards, the break-room was totally hostile."

"And that's why you quit?"

"Oh, I...I didn't quit."

"You were fired."

"Technically...I mean, I guess you could say the business was kind of going under. And, well, also, I might have slept with my boss's enemy and told him some things..."

"You gave away company secrets?"

"Sure. We'll go with that."

"So, in summary, you betrayed a master vampire who wasn't your master vampire. And now you're looking for a job? Harmony, are you sure you should have used your real name and location when you called?"

"Oh, Angel isn't coming after me! He was really okay with the whole thing. He even left me a nice letter of recommendation."

"You have a letter of recommendation from a CEO, a recent work history...It sounds like you already have what you need to find a new job. Maybe what you're looking for isn't a new job but a change?"

"Okay, you got me. It's not just any job I need help finding...What I really want is a job in entertainment. That's why I called you, you're a working-class werewolf, living the dream. If anyone knows how to get started, you do, obviously."

"Trust me, I didn't plan on being in radio, or having my own show. It just kind of happened."

"But it really took off after you came out, right? Because that's what people like about the show, it's about the supernatural?"

"Well, I like to think I'm helping people become more aware and addressing the problems of the supernatural community."

"I know, but like, the supernatural stuff really helps rating, right? So, like, say a vampire wanted to get her own show or magazine column or book deal or something - "

"Harmony, trust me, you might want to think twice before 'coming out'. It can be dangerous for a vampire, even one without a master."

"I get that, sure, but what if that hypothetical vampire, like, uh, got caught doing something, like biting a celebrity. I mean, that doesn't count as coming out, does it? I mean, she couldn't really get blamed for people taking pictures of that, could she?"

"..."

"Kitty? Am I still on the air?"

"Next caller, please."