Chapter One:
Far Too Far
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I'm too weak
to take what I need
and if you don't feel
you cannot soothe
and if I know love the
first sting is soft compared to the end.
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What were you supposed to do with 14 years of marriage. Wrap it up tightly and hope it never gets broken? But there are knocks and scapes, little tumbles along the way that slowly cause it to crack. But you would mend the cracks and the marriage would stay intact. But this time someone had been careless. They'd let it slip over the edge where it fell and smashed into a million pieces. The damage is irreparable. It couldn't be picked up and put back together. The trust that glued the pieces together was gone. Leaving only bits and pieces that didn't mean anything. The marriage couldn't be saved this time.
Derek hadn't moved from his car seat. He'd left his house in a mad rush, flying feet and hurried curses, just wanting to get into his car and drive. It was no surprise that he'd ended up at the ferryboats. Ferryboats felt like home. They calmed and eased his mind. And his mind, right now, really needed to be calm and at ease.
The scene of him walking quietly up the staircase of his house, as if he was in a dream, kicking away the leather jacket that got under his feet, and opening his bedroom door to find his worst nightmare being acted out between his wife and best friend refused to stop playing in his mind.
Ex-wife, ex-best friend, Derek thought bitterly as he watched the lights of New York twinkle in the distance. The details and complications of the situation hadn't really sunk in yet. It was just wave after wave of betrayal and he felt himself drowning in it. Something needed to save him. Someone needed to be his breath of fresh air.
His phone buzzed at his side, and automatically he picked up, not even thinking about who could be on the other end. "Hello" His voice was deep but strained, laced with exhaustion.
"Dad…" The small voice on the other end was soft and quiet, filled with unshed tears.
"Yeah Jaime"
"When are you coming home?" Derek felt tears prick at the corner of his own eyes. They weren't tears for his tainted marriage, they were tears for the confused and helpless daughter that was looking to him for answers. He felt the waves start to cease and the pain in his chest loosen, making it easier to breath. A calm washed over him, chasing away the feeling of drowning, as the responsibility he had once again settles on his shoulders.
"Soon, I won't be long. Promise"
"As long as you promise. Please don't run away somewhere, please come back home." Her voice was shaky though she was trying to appear strong and Derek realized how scared she would be.
"Since when have I broken my promises to you Jaime?" He said softly, steering his car away from the ferries and in direction of the brownstone. In the direction of home. If only it felt that way.
"Never"
"I'll see you soon then"
"Ok"
"I love you"
Dropping the phone down onto the passenger seat Derek let out deep breaths, grazing his knuckles over his eyes briefly. She was his breath of fresh air. The need to shelter and protect her, to comfort her and whisper reassuring words to her had pulled him from the tumbling sea of despair he'd been about to let himself fall into. He was drowning and she saved him. That's all there was to know.
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Ok, some good ole' Derek/Addison angst. I got the idea for this fic when I was watching the episode Yesterday and Meredith asks Derek if he thought it would have been different if he and Addison had kids. So my mind got ticking. And this was the result. It's kind of a spur of the moment thing so just go with me since I'm kinda writing blind. But anyway I hope you enjoy the ride, even though it might not be the smoothest.
In this chapter basically Derek has walked in on Addison and Mark. He's angry and storms off to the ferry boats. And he would probably stay there all night stewing in his own self pity if he didn't get the phone call from little Jaime Shepherd. She snaps him out of it. Instantly brings him back to reality and his responsibilities. He's her father and she needs him. She's his breath of fresh air and he needs her. So matter what happened with Addison, he needs to go back and take care of her. He doesn't run off to Seattle. He doesn't run off and have a one night stand with a girl in Seattle. He stays because his daughter needs him and he needs her. But he doesn't want nor need Addison so things are gonna get messy.
