Beverly's Request
By Deanna Kranz
Disclaimer: Characters, ships, and jargon belong to Paramount.
Dr. Crusher walked into Commander Riker's quarters feeling quite a bit nervous.
"Beverly, what brings you by today?" he asked with a smile. She simply smiled in return trying to hide her uneasiness as she made her way to the couch. She had been working up the courage to come to him for several days and now was the time.
Will followed her to the couch, he could see there was something bothering her despite her smile. He had known her for eight years and knew what she looked like when she was nervous.
"Will," she began with here eyes on her lap, "I'd like to ask you for something." She looked up before she added, "A favour of sorts."
"Sure," he said with a smile. "What do you need?" He assumed she wanted him to use his rank to get her something, to facilitate something. He knew Beverly would never ask him to do something wrong, something illegal.
"I consider you a very close friend which his why I want to ask you. And it's alright if you say no, I understand."
"Beverly, what is it?"
She took a deep breath trying to decide how to ask him. He could misunderstand if she simply asked without offering an explanation first, he would say no simply because of what he thought she meant.
"I'm not young and time is running out for me," she began, to which Will gave her a confused look.
"You make it sound like you are old and senile, Beverly. You may not be an ensign, but you are not old."
"But I am," she insisted. "I am and I've let so much time pass and I'm running out of time. I really want this!" she said with determination in her voice, having forgotten that she had not asked yet.
"Want what?"
"A baby," she said, her voice full of hope.
"You want a baby?" he asked, still very confused. But looking at her, looking into her eyes, he suddenly got a bit of understanding. "You want to have a baby," he said, more as a statement than a question.
She nodded, still looking into his eyes, wondering if he understood what she wanted from him. But he didn't, and it was evident in his growing expression of confusion.
"I'm running out of time," she told him again. "I can't wait around hoping the right man will show up. It's too late for that. I've wanted another child for a long time. I always wanted more than one, but since Jack… Well, it just wasn't an option for a while. Then when I was ready to move on I thought I would wait, fall in love again, remarry. But it hasn't happened and I don't have time for that anymore."
He was beginning to understand, but he needed her to tell him. He needed to be sure he understood what she was asking.
"And where do I come in?"
"I'm no Virgin Mary, I can't get pregnant without a man. Well, without a man's 'genetic material,'" she said softly.
"You want me to father your child?" he asked with shock in his voice.
"I'm not asking you to be a father, just help me conceive a child. You don't have to be involved at all if you don't want to be. I am more than willing to care for a child all on my own."
"Beverly, what you are asking me is… is…" he couldn't find the right word.
"I know, it's a huge favour. I can give you some time to think about it, but I don't have too much time."
"Why me?" he asked.
She sighed heavily as she leaned back on the couch, recalling her decision making process.
"A sperm bank would be the most logical choice, wouldn't it? But I hope that someday, when this child is old enough to fully understand, that I can explain to him or her that I wanted a baby and someone special to me agreed to give me such a gift. I'd like this child to know their roots and not simply wonder. At the very least, I'd like to know. So I began by thinking of the three closest males to me. Wesley was out before I finished the thought. That left you and Jean-Luc. I know he wouldn't do it, not willingly. He might say yes simply because of our friendship, his guilt about Jack. He would also feel he has to be involved, even if he doesn't want to be. So that left you. If you say no, then I'm back to the sperm bank."
There was an uneasiness in the air as Will contemplated what Beverly was asking. All she wanted was his sperm, and his body made that daily. That was simple enough. But all the implications of what she wanted to do with it had him going around in circles. He didn't have to be the father figure, she was alright with that. But did he want to be the father figure? Would he be ok just sitting on the sidelines, knowing that that was his child? Knowing that that child was as much a part of him as it was a part of her? He just wasn't sure.
"If I decided to do this, how would it work once the child was born?" he asked.
"However you want it to work. Will, I want this baby so badly that it doesn't matter to me. If you want nothing to do with the baby I will never talk about it to anyone. No one will know. I can collect what I need from you and simply tell my doctor it is from an anonymous donor. If you just want to be around, be a part of the child's life, but not be a father then you can always be 'Uncle Will.' If you want to be a father, I will be happy to share in the responsibilities with you."
He thought about the different scenarios Beverly had just given him. She was leaving it up to him and she didn't seem to have a preference to which she preferred. But which did he prefer?
"You don't even have to decide that right now," she added. "You can wait until the baby is born, just be around like any other friend. You can then decide what role, if any, you'd like to play in his or her life."
Desperation was coming through in her voice and he could see her eyes beginning to swell with tears. He didn't need Deanna's empathic abilities to know how badly she really wanted this.
Deanna.
He hadn't even thought about her. Despite the fact that they were just friends, she was his closest friend and wondered what she would think about it. He looked into the eyes of the woman sitting before him, those eyes filled with unshed tears of hope.
"Look," he said as he pushed the pad of his thumb over her eyes, causing the tears to fall and wiping them away. "This is a very big decision. How long can you give me to think about it?"
She gave him a small smile. She would have preferred that he made his decision right then and there, but she also knew that what he was saying was right. She couldn't really expect him to make such a decision on the spot. She started making some calculations in her head. How long until her next birthday? How long could it take for a successful implantation? How long was a pregnancy? What was the oldest she was willing to be when giving birth? Will could clearly see that she was crunching a lot of numbers.
"You're actually doing calculations?" he asked in disbelief.
"Like I said, I don't have much time left. Getting pregnant right now already puts me in the high risk category. I can't wait too long." She thought a little more and added, "Two, maybe three months at most. Any more than that the chances of it actually working are too low and the risks if it actually does are too high."
"Alright," he said in understanding. "I will try my very best to get you an answer before then."
"Thank you," she said as she stood up. She walked to the door and added, "I'll see you later," before she left.
Commander Riker sat in Counsellor Troi's office, waiting for her to arrive. She wasn't late, he was early. He laid back on the couch, thinking about why he was there, why he needed her professional services.
It had been two weeks since Beverly had gone to him and asked him to father her child. All the possibilities plagued him every moment he was not engrossed in something else. Should he? Could he? What about the future?
Deanna walked in and saw him laying there, deep in through. He looked over at her and smiled, but she had already sensed his anxiety, his uncertainty. She had sensed that he was distracted lately and wondered if that's what he was there about.
"What brings you here today, Commander?" He was in uniform and in her office; they were simply colleagues at the moment.
Will sat up and looked at her, trying to form the words.
"I need your help as my friend, not just my counsellor," he told her. "But I needed to make sure I had confidentiality. I know that you sometimes blur the lines between counselling and friendship when outside of your office." Deanna looked hurt at the accusation even though she knew it was true. If she wasn't in her office, she didn't always keep conversations confidential. She never did it for gossip or to hurt someone. She did it to try to help them, help a situation. He didn't want her to interfere in whatever was bothering him, didn't want anyone else to find out.
"Alright, Will. What we discuss here will stay here. How can I help you?"
"Two weeks ago," he began, knowing that with Deanna, he could get straight to the point. "Beverly came to see me. She wants to have a baby and she asked me to father her child."
Deanna blinked several times, not believing what she had just heard, shock evident in her expression.
"She had obviously given it a lot of thought," he continued despite her expression. "She said that I could choose whether or not to be in the child's life. And how involved I wanted to be if I decided to be in its life. I've been thinking a lot about it and I'm no closer to a decision than I was the day she asked."
Now he was giving her a chance to speak, but she did not. She gave a sympathetic sigh and smiled. Though she was still shocked at the situation, he needed her to be there for him, to help him, and that is the front she put on.
"What is it that is keeping you from saying yes?" she asked him in a kind voice.
"What do you mean?" he asked feeling confused.
"Since you haven't said 'no,' then you are obviously considering saying 'yes.'"
"How do you know if I haven't said 'yes' because I am considering 'no'?" he asked her, still confused.
"What will happen if you say 'no'?"
"She will have to go to a sperm bank or give up on the idea," he answered.
"And to you?"
"Nothing," he said. "She said she would understand if I said 'no.'"
"So there are no consequences to you if you deny her what she wants?"
"Right," he said, still not understanding where she was going with all this.
"Then," she said, answering his confusion, "'no' is the easy choice. Nothing for you to do, no consequences for you to live with, no future for you to consider. Since you are still thinking about it, still considering it, you would like to say 'yes' but something is holding you back. What is it?"
Understanding flooded Will's head and expression.
"I'd like to give that to her, give her a child. I could see it in her eyes how much she really wants this. She's a very close friend of mine and she's not asking for much, in a literal sense." He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts. "I guess it's the fact that it will result in a living, breathing being that troubles me. Even though she said that I could decide after the baby was born if I want to be involved or not, it is that very decision that keeps me up at night. I've always known I want a family someday, but how does this affect that? If I accept this child, how will that affect my future? Our careers might take us to different places and separate me from that child, my child. How will this child maintain a relationship with my other children when I decide to have them? And if I deny this child, let her keep it as just her own from an anonymous donor, can I live with that? Can I live knowing that there is a child carrying my blood and I have chosen to reject it? What if my future children somehow find out? How will they take it? What will they think of me? What if they meet one day without knowing and fall in love?!"
Deanna got up and went to sit next to him. She took his hand in hers as they faced each other. She knew what he really wanted to do, she had read between all his concerns and understood it very well. He wasn't talking about some woman he would meet some day, he was asking her what she thought, how it would affect them. Looking into his eyes she gave him a reassuring smile.
"Those are all very real concerns and I am glad that you have taken the time to consider them. No one will hold anything against you if you were to deny her request. No one would ever know. But if you grant her her request, it would be the most amazing, selfless gift you could ever give her. Everyone who would know would see it that way. Everyone that would matter, including your wife and children. Relationships can always be worked out, especially those between parent and child and between siblings. These are bonds that are developed before birth and are extremely difficult to break."
Will nodded in understanding. He knew she would give him a perspective he hadn't looked at. But more questions nagged at him.
"But am I ready to be a parent? To give up my career?"
"Many people have a career and children, they do not have to be separate. And as I understand it, Beverly wants to keep this baby. She wants to be the primary parent. I'm sure she won't expect you to sacrifice your career for this child."
"True," he said, nodding in agreement.
"Will," she began in a more sincere, caring tone, the tone she used only with him. "No one is ever fully ready to be a parent. She has some experience and I'm sure she will be more than happy to help you. Actually, I think she will insist and accept nothing less."
He leaned in and gave her a slow, lingering kiss on her lips. She had understood him the way only she could. He didn't have to pour himself out to her completely for her to understand. She just did. And she knew what he had really wanted, what he needed to hear.
"Thank you," he said as he pulled away.
She gave him a teasing smile before saying, "I hope that's not the way you always thank your counsellors."
"No," he said, "Just you."
Beverly Crusher sat in her comfortable chair reading a medical journal. She had been reading for almost thirty minutes in complete silence when the door chime startled her, causing her to jump and drop the PADD.
"Come in," she called as she got up to pick up the PADD from a few feet away.
"Are you busy?" came Will's voice from the door as she picked up the PADD.
"No, no, come in," she told him with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"
"No, thank you," he said as he sat on the couch. Beverly took the PADD to her desk before returning to the chair she had been sitting in.
It had been almost four weeks since she had gone to his quarters to make her request. She did not want to pressure him and had done her very best to simply continue life as if she had never asked him. Will appreciated this, it certainly had made a very difficult decision much easier without her constant reminders. As she sat back down she had no expectation of getting her answer from him on this day. It was not uncommon for him to come see her for various personal and professional reasons.
"Beverly," he began, but did not continue. He felt they were too far apart for what he had to say. He moved further away from her on the couch, making more room next to him. "Can you join me?" he asked her, patting the seat next to him.
"Sure," she said with a smile and stood up to sit next to him. They both had their bodies swivelled slightly so that they could face each other.
"Bev," he began again, taking one of her hands in his. "I've been thinking a lot about what you want."
Her heart began pounding rapidly and loudly and she was sure he could hear it. This was it, she was going to get her answer. She didn't want to get too excited, he could say no, but there was a part of her that hoped, hoped so badly that he had decided to help her. Her anxiety and anticipation came through very obviously in her eyes and sudden trembling hands. He took her other hand when he noticed it was shaking as much as the one in his hand and held them both.
"I just have a couple of questions."
"Ok," she said in a shaky voice.
"How exactly does this work, medically speaking?"
"For you or for me?" she asked, a little confused by his question.
"Both."
"It's quite simple for you. You can either give me what I need in a container," she explained, trying to keep the conversation as comfortable as possible, "or it can be extracted in a very short, simple, painless procedure in sickbay. For me my doctor would take some of my eggs, fertilize a couple and insert them in my uterus for implantation."
"A couple?" he asked, suddenly feeling like she had not told him everything the first time.
"It increases the chances of one actually implanting. He would fertilize two or three and hope one takes."
"Hope?"
Beverly sighed, getting pregnant seems like such an easy thing to do when you consider that people are having babies all the time. In reality, it is a much more difficult process, for humans anyway.
"Conception is a very delicate process in which everything must be perfect for it to actually happen. There is no guarantee that one will take even if he were to insert six or eight fertilized eggs. But there is always a slight, very slight, chance that they will all take. Which is why we only do two or three at a time."
"So I might have to give you what you need more than once?"
"Probably not," she reassured him. "I will probably have to go through the procedure more than once before I actually end up pregnant."
"Why?" he asked in a concerned voice, her hands still in his.
"Will, not only am I not at the best age for having a baby, but it has been twenty three years since the last time I did. It's not like riding a bike. My body might have a hard time dealing with this. And this procedure does have its risks."
"And there is no other way?" he asked, still concerned for her.
"Well, there is. But I'm not sure you'd be up for that," she said blushing slightly.
"Let me guess," he said in his playful tone, "Something painful, probably involving the removal of body parts I've grown to appreciate?"
"No," she said, laughing slightly. "The way nature intended these things to occur."
"Oh!" he said, feeling embarrassed that he had not figured that out. "But you'd be up for that?" he asked with a bit of shock.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You said I wouldn't be up for that, not we or you and I."
"Will," she said in a soft voice, which sounded very vulnerable to him. "I really want this baby. There is very little I'm not willing to do," she said as her voice started to break a little, tears starting to form in her eyes. "I just hope that for the sake of our friendship…"
"I understand," he told her. "I'm just surprised. I have never seen anyone want something so badly."
A tear ran down her face and as she wiped it away on fabric covering her shoulder, another one fell down the other side. Will pulled her against his body and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. They remained like that for several minutes as her tears stopped and her anxiety grew.
"Bev, how much are you willing to do?"
"What do you mean?" she asked as she pulled away from his arms and sat up again. When she looked at him he had his mischievous grin, a sparkle in his eyes.
"I'm still curious about how you'd look as a brunette," he said in as much of a serious voice as he could muster up with a huge grin.
"I'll make an appointment with Mot right now," she said as she blushed deeply.
"So, are there specific procedures or are you just going to give me a cup and a magazine?"
Beverly gave him a baffled look as he sat there grinning. As she repeated the question in her head, realization hit her as to what he was saying and her expression turned to one of great joy. She squealed happily as she threw her arms around Will, catching him off guard. He put his arms around her as she said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you so much! This means so much to me."
"You mean a lot to me."
She finally let go of him and sat back down, tears of joy beginning to subside.
Will was glad to see her so happy, happiness he was bringing to her. But he just couldn't help one more playful comment.
"I hope this means I don't have to get you a birthday present this year," he told her with a smile.
"No. This means you don't ever have to get me a birthday present again."
