Dear Diary,
I'm… well, my Mum told me to write in this. She said it'll help me release my anger without throwing things. I… I honestly don't know what to write. Should I just write about my school day? It'll be boring, but at least I'll be able to please Mum.
Well, English class sucked. I wasn't concentrating, so Mrs Sotone gave me extra homework. How stupid is that? As if homework's going to stop me from looking at Miku instead of Mrs Sotone. I guess I shouldn't have laughed out loud when Miku gave me a note with a picture of Mrs Sotone as a pig.
Oh Miku, you really need to stop passing funny notes to me. I'm having a hard enough time trying to see your flaws as it is. Ok, um, you're kind of airheaded, I guess, even more airheaded than me. I think you're the one Mrs Sotone should have given extra homework for not paying attention. Other than that, you're practically perfect. Great job, you Mary Sue.
Wait… I'm writing in my diary, not to Miku. Silly me. Well, I've already written so much that I can't be bothered erasing what I've written. Oh well.
Well, if I was writing to Miku, I would ask her why her smiles are smaller than usual. And why does she come to school with scars on her face? What happened? I don't want to pry, but I think that, as her best friend, I deserve to know. I just want to cuddle her and ask her what's wrong.
Don't get the wrong idea! She's just a friend. Just a friend. So why… why do I want to know everything about her? Why do… no, I refuse to say it. I'm not some sort of lusty demon or anything. I just want a hug from her. I already get plenty of hugs from her, but it's not the same.
Okay, Okay, I want a kiss from her. Damn it. Why do I want that? Like I said, she's just a friend, honestly! She just happens to be special to me.
Hell, before I met her, I was only interested in guys. Why the sudden change? Oh, I don't know. What the hell's wrong with me? This is wrong. This is very wrong, but I can't help it.
I wonder what her lips taste like. Does that make me a pervert or something? I'm so confused. I remember when I hugged her once that her hair smelt like chocolate. Do her lips taste like that? It'd be pretty funny if I asked her that outright. Well, it wouldn't be funny at the time. I'd be so embarrassed that I'd stay in my room for weeks.
I know personality's important and all, but daaamn. She's hot. There's no other way to say it. I already wrote about her personality, so I may as well just say it now.
Damn you, Miku. Damn you for being so damn likable that the whole damn world thinks you're the best damn person in the whole damn school. Wow, I need a thesaurus. Damn it. Oh great, I wrote it again!
Okay, Luka, calm down. You're almost as popular as , who am I kidding? I'll never be good enough for Miku. I'm the opposite of her. I'm grouchy, sarcastic and cold to people around me. Well, opposites attract, right? Right?
You know what, Diary? I should confess. I should just get it over and done with, instead of worrying that one day it'll slip out of my mouth at the most inappropriate time. No, that's stupid. Every time is an inappropriate time. When could I possibly tell her how I feel?
Well, I hope you're happy, Mum. I feel a lot better now. I wonder what Mum would say if she found out that her precious daughter is romantically interested in her female best friend. I think she might actually know already. Whenever she asks me how school is, she gives me a knowing look. I don't tell her, of course. I don't tell her anything anymore. She's taken me to a psychologist, but even then I don't tell anyone anything.
Maybe that's the reason Miku's smiles falter slightly when she sees me. She's probably sick of me being so cold to everyone. To be honest, I'm sick of pushing everyone away too. Most people have given up on me; my friends, my teachers, my psychologist and even my own dad.
Mum hasn't given up yet, though. She honestly thinks she can stop my random bursts and temper tantrums. Wow, I'm just like a five year old. I know I already asked myself this, but what's wrong with me?
I'm sick of trying to find the answers to everything. I give up. No, really. I have officially given up on all questions but one- How can I tell Miku how I feel?
Yours sincerely,
Megurine Luka
