"What am I going to do?" he wailed, pulling out his hair in frustration, "Just what the hell am I going to do?!"
In light of the situation, Lexaeus was doing the best he could to stop his fellow apprentice from doing anything...rash.
"Now Vexen, calm yourself. There is no need to feign anger over this..."
"That bastard is after my virginity!"
It was realized that 'awkwardness' was one of the pseudo 'feelings' a Nobody could posses.
"If that's all, you should just do what he wants and avoid unnecessary conflict."
Vexen fumed. He had already thrown innocent objects against the wall and howled like a wounded animal, now he was just simmering amongst the wrecked study.
"Give up my body to that conniving filthy little neophyte? I am his superior, I refuse to be violated to fuel number Eleven's overgrown ego!"
Lexaeus began to clean up the room. Though he could have gotten a Dusk to do it, he needed something to take his mind off Vexen's whining.
"I thought," Lexaeus noted, "that you and Saix hit it off back in Never Was?"
Vexen growled and rubbed his hand on his temple, spitting out,
"Almost. We were just about to when who walks in? Guess!"
Lexaeus shrugged helplessly as IV vented, "The Superior! Xemnas stormed right in, pried VII away from me, and threatened me that if I so much as look at the Diviner I would face unspeakable consequences. The damn neophyte was cheating on the Superior with me and didn't bother to mention that detail beforehand. And now, to add insult to injury, I'm expected to follow the orders of Marluxia!"
V nodded and attempted an expression that would convey sympathy and asked,
"What do you plan to do?"
Vexen slumped into a chair, defeated.
"That damn snake...the very prince of snakes and he wants me to be his bed-mate."
The Silent Hero contemplated the situation for a bit. Vexen was an unofficial 'friend' of his within the Organization, and they formed a certain bond from being locked in Oblivion's basement with Zexion. Even though Marluxia was the castle's 'lord', Lexaeus felt that his loyalty remained with the core members of the Organization. Besides, XI was a pompous bastard who didn't even extend proper greetings to the basement dwellers when they came to the topside, it would serve the Assassin right not to get his way for once.
"Snake Prince?" Lexaeus mused, stroking his chin in thought, "I think I might have a solution..."

Marluxia had just finished preparations when he heard a knocking on his door. The room was lit with a warm array of scented candles, his black satin sheets were covered with red rose petals, lubrication and handcuffs hidden under his bed, and he himself was lying luxuriously on the bed with his shirt unbuttoned halfway and a perfect smirk of utmost villainy on his face.
"Come in dear, the door's unlocked."
The door opened slowly and his conquest stepped into plain sight. And what a sight he was.
"Let me get a better look at you," Marluxia purred as his eyes ran freely over the Chilly Academic, "I see you've followed my instructions to the fullest, that dress looks lovely on you."
Vexen growled in a way that was supposed to come off as angry, but Marluxia thought it was kind of sexy. Marluxia had wanted to demonstrate his superiority to the fullest, so in the private memo he had sent Vexen, ordering him to come up to his bedroom at an indecent hour to do indecent things, he had also commanded Vexen to be in woman's attire, if only to humiliate Vexen further and satisfy his craving for kink.
"Just get it over with XI." Vexen was seated at the edge of the bed, barely touching the mattress. Marluxia chuckled deeply as he crawled over to his prey, wrapping his arms around the thin waist and pulling him into a constricting embrace.
"Now there, dearest. Don't be coy with me, we both know you make a very pretty woman. Now, let's see how pretty you are under this dress..."
A simple zipper separated Marluxia from the most beautiful night of his life. He kissed the reluctant blonde's neck and slowly removed the beautiful gown...
...to find he wore another dress underneath it.
Marluxia laughed at the scientist's futile attempt to discourage him.
"You really think that this would stop me? Come now Vexen, if anything, now I want a better look of you in that dress. Spin around for me and come back so I may have my way with you."
Vexen slid off the bed, scowled, and did a silly twirl before edging back into Marluxia's waiting arms. "Now where were we?" The Graceful Assassin murmured as he fiddled with the buttons on the second dress. He nuzzled Vexen's neck and nipped at his ear, ready to claim what was his. He let his hand wander from Vexen's hair, his face, his neck, his collarbone...
...and the fabric of a third dress.
"Hmph. I don't know where you get all these dresses, but they do look stunning on you. Perhaps I shall have you model them for me one day soon."
This dress had straps on the back, Marluxia quickly unfastened each one, hands trembling with anticipation...
...and dress number four appeared.
"You can't avoid the inevitable, my sweet, only prolong it." he hissed as he figured out all the ties from the ribbons that held this one. Now he was sucking on Vexen's neck over his racing pulse, leaving a mark of ownership he prayed would not fade for weeks...
...how could Vexen fit five dresses on?"
"You know," Marluxia muttered, "if you weren't an ice elemental, you'd be dead of overheating."
He undid the buttons and ties this dress had, only to meet with a sixth.
"What is the meaning of this?! The damn zipper is broken!"
He pushed the entire garment over Vexen's head to see the seventh dress. This was pure white, a mere slip with tiny buttons, it complemented Vexen's figure perfectly. Marluxia, in his frustration that bordered true anger, grabbed the dress and ripped the material in half, throwing the tattered remains to the ground. He dived for the bare flesh before him, tuning out Vexen's protests and, in a barbaric display of un-restraint, wrapped his hand around Vexen's
metal underwear.
It took Marluxia five seconds to register, and when he dared to look he all but screamed, "You've got to be kidding me! A chastity belt? A goddamn chastity belt?!"
Under the cover of darkness, Vexen had the biggest smirk on his face.
Marluxia pushed Vexen off the bed and stormed out in his state of half-undress, screaming through the halls, "Larxene! Axel! Either someone goes to the World that Never Was and gets Roxas here, or we drag Sora to floor thirteen, but I need a Keyblade now!"
The Lord of the Castle's voice carried all the way to the basement floors, where Lexaeus was enjoying his manga. Upon hearing his plan was a success, he couldn't help saying, despite himself, in a very quiet voice,
"Call a locksmith..."