When Lily Evans Cries
Whenever Lily Evans cries, I'm there. No matter what. Whether she hates me or not. No one should ever cry alone.
You could say me and Lily didn't get off to a great start.
I first met her on the train. She had red hair. I never knew anyone with red hair. It was fascinating. She had green eyes. Yes green eyes and red hair. Who would've guessed she could be so pretty?
We were eleven.
I didn't know a thing about girls. I thought she was pretty. So I picked on her. Because that's what eleven year old boys do.
It was in Charms.
We were levitating feathers. She had gotten it on the first try. It took me seven times! She smiled bashfully when the professor praised her. Then she ducked her head and helped Peter with the wand movements. He got it immediately with her help. They both smiled brightly.
I was frustrated, I couldn't get the charm right. So I scribbled a note and flicked it onto her desk.
She picked up the parchment innocently and read it. I remember the way her eyes glistened with tears as she folded it back up and stuck it back in her bag.
It had said: "No one likes a bloody show off Evans. It's no wonder you have no friends."
I didn't sign it.
She asked to go to the lav. And then ran from the classroom. I regretted it instantly. It wasn't her fault she was good at Charms and I was rubbish at them.
When class was dismissed, her good friend, Alice picked up her bag.
As I walked by the girl's lav I heard sobbing.
I had made her cry. I ducked my head.
I was ashamed
We were twelve.
I was still clueless about girls. But Evans was even prettier. I still picked on her. But less than before. I had turned my wrath on her best friend. Severus Snape.
It was in Potions.
We were brewing potions today. Snape and Lily were both brilliant in Potions. They were partners. I was with Remus. We were right next to Lily and Snape.
Everyone's potions were brewing correctly.
By now I had realized I fancied Lily a little bit. Okay, it was more than a little bit. I adored her. Unfortunately I noticed someone else did too.
Snape.
This was the reason my wrath had been turned to him now.
I shouldn't have done it. I knew I shouldn't have. Potions can be dangerous. They ought not to be meddled with. But Lily liked him more, and that bothered me so much.
It made me mad and frustrated.
And we all know what happens when I get mad and frustrated.
"Don't worry Lily. It'll be fine. Trust me!"
"Whatever you say Sev."
Sev. It sickened me.
I should not have done it. But I did anyway. I slipped an extra ingredient into the cauldron.
Soon there was a strange smell in the classroom.
BOOM!
The cauldron had exploded.
Once the smoke died down I heard sputtering and coughing. My heart broke as I turned around. Lily was on the floor curled up and sobbing. The cauldron pieces had hit her in the chest and the face. Sev hadn't been harmed.
She was rushed to the Hospital Wing with tears slipping down my face.
I went to visit her and wiped the tears off her pale cheeks.
Three of her ribs had been broken and she had a large cut on her temple.
I ducked my head for months, unable to make eye contact with her. I couldn't even look at her. I brought her so much pain.
I was ashamed.
We were thirteen.
Lily was beautiful. I still picked on Snape. He was feeding her lies about me. And she was a loyal friend. So she believed him.
It was in the Great Hall.
Lily was sitting next to Remus. He looked horribly ill.
It was the night after a full moon.
Lily was joking with him. Playfully talking and teasing. Friendly enough so that it wasn't flirting.
I was relieved, I wouldn't have to kill Remus.
She looked at him and cocked her head.
She was adorable when she did that.
"You look tired." she told him.
He chuckled, "Thanks Lil, I was visiting –"
She cut him off. "Remus don't lie to me. I know you're a werewolf."
His eyes opened wide.
"Oh."
She rolled her eyes and proceeded to tell him that she could care less that he was a werewolf and that it didn't matter at all to her.
He was shocked.
I couldn't hear their whispers anymore but soon enough a tear slipped down Lily's cheek.
She threw her arms around Remus' neck as a few more tears slipped out.
Later on Remus told me that she had been crying for him. She had wished that she could take away the burden, or at least the pain. She had been crying for Remus because she cared about him.
She cared so much.
We were fourteen.
Lily was stunning. I, of course, still picked on Snape. He was a bad man with bad friends. I couldn't convince Lily of this though. She was too loyal.
It was in the halls.
Lily was walking in front of me.
I couldn't help but stare at her.
Sirius had told me in the beginning f the year to ask her out. So I did. She said no again and again.
So my ways of asking her out had to improve. That was the problem..it had to be.
"EVANS!" I yelled out. "Go out with me?"
She stopped in her tracks. As did everyone else in the whole hallway.
They all turned to stare at her. I smiled at her. It may have been more of a smirk actually.
I was arrogant and vain.
I walked around like I ran the school. A pompous prat.
And I knew that Lily hated attention.
I shouldn't have done it so publicly.
I humiliated her.
Completely drew everyone's attention to her.
She looked around like a lost puppy. A deer stuck in headlights.
Green met hazel and I'll never forget what I saw.
Fear.
She was terrified. And humiliated.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
She ran away from me and to the lav.
I should have ran after her but I didn't.
As I passed the girls' lav I heard it.
Soft sobbing muffled over by the noise of people passing in the halls.
But I heard it. It was Lily.
I did not duck my head in shame. I held it high and did this to her everyday. Lily never cried a second time though.
She'd just glare at me and storm off.
We were fifteen.
To try to describe Lily's beauty would never do it justice. I picked on Snape mercilessly.
It was under a tree by the lake.
Snape came waking by.
I shouldn't have done it. I should have done something...anything else.
But no. I hexed him.
A crowd gathered and Lily stormed over and demanded his release.
I tried bribing her.
She was furious.
But she was gorgeous when she was furious.
Snape was mad. He said the word.
"Mudblood."
And directed it right at Lily.
Her face steeled over. With a few biting words she stormed off.
I released Snape and followed her.
She didn't see me go after her, but I followed.
Lily went to an empty corridor.
She sank down to the floor and cried.
I sat next to her.
She wanted nothing to do with me.
I stayed anyway, apologizing over and over to her.
She said it was not my fault.
But the guilt stayed with me anyway.
She brought her watery gaze up to mine.
Green met hazel.
I saw tears. She looked hurt. Disappointed. Betrayed.
I comforted her, but still she cried.
Eventually we went back to the Common Room.
She claimed she was fine and then went into her dorm.
But I heard her sobs all night. And the soothing voices of her friends, trying to heal her wound.
I kept my head down. As did Snape. I was ashamed of what I made him say. He was ashamed that he had said it.
We were sixteen.
There was no other girl I ever saw except Lily. She was so beautiful. I didn't pick on Snape as much. He generally started it now.
It was in the Gryffindor Common Room.
It had been a Hogsmeade day.
I had seen Lily slip out of the booth with her boyfriend who was calling her name. She ran out of the Three Broomsticks.
I followed.
She ran back up to the school until she hit the Common Room. She collapsed on her favorite couch and began to cry.
I followed.
We had become semi-friends.
I sat down next to her.
She told me how her boyfriend was cheating on her.
I stood up to go find him.
She grabbed my wrist and said no.
I sat back down.
She cried more.
She told me she felt so betrayed.
I wanted to kill the kid. I wrapped her in my arms. I did all that I could to make her smile again.
It worked...a little.
She was heartbroken. But eventually she stopped crying. And then she smiled.
I held my head up happily as her ex ducked his head in shame.
I glared at him wherever I went. Lily did not deserve to be treated like that.
He did not deserve her.
We were seventeen.
I'm running out of ways to describe just how beautiful Lily was. She was perfect. And she was mine. Officially. She had finally said yes. I had stopped picking on Snape completely. I had better things to do now, namely Lily. But if he hexed me first, I wouldn't lay down and take it. But I never attacked first.
It was in the Head Dormitory.
Lily had skipped Charms and wasn't at dinner.
I was worried.
I ate two bites before going off in search of her.
I sprinted to our dorm.
My breath caught when I rushed inside.
She was on the floor leaning against the couch. In tears. A letter was in her hand.
She managed to tell me her parents had been murdered before collapsing in hysterics again.
Voldemort had murdered them and Petunia, her sister, was blaming her.
She cried for a long time.
I held her in my arms and tried to make the pain go away. It didn't work.
She confessed that she felt vulnerable.
I hugged her tighter.
She said she felt safer when she was around me.
I vowed never to let her go.
She told me she was scared.
And lonely.
I kissed her forehead and told her that as long as I was living, she'd never be alone.
She kissed me.
I kissed her.
She stopped crying for the moment.
I told her that I could never replace her old family. But we could create a new family together.
We walked together, heads held high, hands intertwined.
I was there every time when Lily Evans cried in her school years.
And I would always be there as long as I lived.
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