Okay, so Pride was bad, so we'll pretend that didn't exist. Maybe you'll like this one. Yes, it's equally silly and weird, and it's probably the least accurate representation of how monarchies work, but hey, Great Harlock's here. He's such a good dad. Hopefully I can start updating my actual ongoing fics soon, but I hope you enjoy this silly filler stuff in the meantime.


My father was known throughout the galaxy for his stone-faced glare. People called him a cut-throat pirate and a merciless king. I wished those legends were true, at least for me. The side of him I experienced was far worse.

As soon as he saw me amble into the kitchen for breakfast, his eye caught an excited gleam. He stood from his chair and strode my way, while I took my seat and ignored him. Anyone who met him knew he was nothing like what the tales suggested. Perhaps to our enemies he was someone to be feared, but to everyone else he was too kind to be considered cut-throat. Too kind and a bit of a ditz.

Before I could start on my breakfast, he spun my chair to face him. "Phantom," he said, clamping his hands down on my shoulders. "I got you a husband."

I shoved an apple slice in my mouth and stared at him as I chewed. Give or take a couple decades, we almost looked like the same person. His hair mirrored mine in an unbrushed mess, though I had the excuse of just waking up. He only brushed his for formal events. He also hadn't shaved in a few days, his jaw covered in stubble. That eager shine consumed his eye as he waited for me to be equally excited or something.

To his credit, finding someone who would agree to marry the prince of Arcadia was more difficult than it sounded. We needed someone of royal blood who didn't want to see us both dead, and the handful who did fall in both categories weren't too keen on marrying me.

Swallowing my food, I finally bothered to answer. "Is it Zero?"

His expression fell to irritation. "No, it's not Zero," he sighed. "You can't have Zero."

Few people bested my dad the way Zero could. It was consistently hilarious. Every formal proposal my father sent off was returned with a strongly-worded letter.

"I don't even think you really like him," Dad grumbled, crossing his arms. "I think you just like reading his insults."

I nodded as I bit into another apple. "'Too incompetent to raise a decent son' was my favorite."

"Well it's not Zero."

"That Mars prince then?" I asked. "He was cute when we met a couple years back."

Dad shook his head. "Believe me, I tried, but his brother is the king, and he'd probably kill us if given the chance."

"What about one of the La Metal princesses?" In reality, it didn't matter if I cared for the one I married or not. Marriages between nobles were all about appearances and politics. The only times we had to pretend to like each other or even see each other were public appearances. Otherwise we could do what or whom we pleased. But since I had to kiss whomever I married at the wedding, I at least wanted someone I found attractive enough to kiss.

"La Metal is not the sort of place we want marriage connections to," Dad said as his brow furrowed. "And the queen frightens me. Besides, I said it was a husband."

"A'righ'," I said around the biscuit in my mouth. "Who?"

"The duke of Triton."

I blinked. "Jupiter's moon?"

"Neptune's," he corrected. "It was terraformed before Neptune and took to it better, so it was the favored moon of the bunch. Or rather, it was before the Earth king decided to have it blown up."

"Why?" I drawled. I was usually privy to the goings-on of the rest of the major planets, especially within the old Solar System, but this was news to me.

Dad's tone was stale with irritation. "Apparently Triton wasn't taking too well to the Earth king's policies, and then the moon just happened to have a very unstable space station crash into it. It's just a mass of rocks now, really messing up the orbits of the other moons. Since the former duchess of Triton was the one causing the most uproar against the Earth's decisions, it's easy to figure things out from there."

"So this 'duke of Triton' has no actual land to rule." Well so much for my dowry.

Dad attempted to smile despite his furrowed brow. "Yes, his father was rather desperate. They were on Neptune when the bomb hit, though the duchess was not so lucky. Since the father had less royal blood than his son, the son became the duke of a moon that no longer exists. And it's quite possible another 'accident' might befall them because of their status."

"So this father wants to marry his son into our bloodline for protection," I reasoned. We had no alliances with Earth. In fact, the Earth king despised us. I was biased in my thinking, but Arcadia was far superior to Earth in every regard. No matter the forces against us, our military was stronger. Our agriculture was better. Our people were happier.

Dad shrugged. "Protection and to ensure their royal bloodline continues in some form. Without their moon or anything from it to use as a dowry, they don't have much of a chance."

"So what are they using as a dowry?"

His expression softened, his eye wandering toward the skylight. "The transport ship they used to get to Neptune and the remains of their planet. Everything else they owned is gone. They seem like good people. They certainly hold no love for Earth's king."

"I guess that works," I sighed. "I'll marry the poor guy." Besides, I could marry someone else too if I wanted. "I'll get a crown prince or princess one of these days."

Dad snorted. "You have enough power being the crown prince of one planet. You don't need to control two."

I leaned my chair back onto two legs. "But you're too stubborn to die, so you'll be king of this planet forever. You have to give me at least one."

He chuckled, his laughs rarely little more than a breath. "I have to go pick them up and see them safely here, so you get to be king while I'm gone."

I had a feeling he'd already planned his departure before asking me if I would be a willing participant, but I'd come to expect that sort of thing from him.

After breakfast, I went to go inform my other future husband of his new competition. I'd hacked his computer ages ago, and with a quick command a holographic projection of him popped up in front of my desk. He lay on his bed, reading, until he noticed me and gave a violent jolt.

"Oh my God, Harlock," he hissed, slamming the book down on his bedside table. "Quit popping up like that."

"But if I call you, you don't answer."

His eyes narrowed as he stood. The projection followed him through his room, almost a perfect recreation of everything. The colors were just slightly paler to ensure I didn't confuse what was and wasn't really there. In reality, his room and clothes were covered in a deep, blood red. It clashed a bit with his auburn hair. I would have reached out and messed those wavy curls of his if I could.

His bed vanished as he stepped in front of my desk, glaring down his oversized nose at me. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to inform you that I'm getting married but not to worry." I placed my hand over my heart to show how genuine I was. I was always equally genuine and sarcastic for Zero. "They will not be taking your place by any means, and we are still going to get married also. But you should start thinking up a good wedding present for me."

His tone was so dry it rivaled sandpaper. "We're not getting married."

I kicked my feet up on my desk and flashed him a winning smile. "Well not right now. I have to marry my new betrothed first."

Zero breathed a sigh through his nose. "Who is he?"

"The Duke of Triton in some form."

In a rare moment, Zero's anger faded to curiosity. "The moon that blew up?" At my nod, he hummed in thought. "So he's trying to get away from the dangers of the Earth. I see. The king will not be happy."

I shrugged. "The king is never happy with anything we do."

"But having you so close to the Earth bloodline will really piss him off."

I stared, waiting for him to realize a mistake in his wording or laugh at one of his own bad jokes. But he continued to stare off in thought. I felt like I was missing a large piece of a massive puzzle. "What?" I asked at length. "You mean the Neptune bloodline?"

"No, the Duchess of Triton is from the Earth bloodline. She moved out there to be with her husband. She was actually very close to the Earth throne. That's presumably a large part of why she was killed." His eyes flashed to me. "You didn't know this?"

"Dad conveniently forgot to mention it." Me being anywhere near the Earth throne was likely to send the king into fits. The moment he learned I had the chance to marry in, my betrothed's head was even closer to the chopping block than before. "Maybe I shouldn't have told anyone this," I muttered.

"It's not like I'll go tattle to the Earth King," Zero said with a shrug. "But keeping your mouth shut is a good idea. It's about time you figured that out. I can't believe you of all people are going to marry into the Earth line. I swear, if you manage to get that throne…" With another sigh, he left the horrors of my reign of Earth up to the imagination.

According to all official records, Dad left on a trip to build relations with Neptune's royalty. There was no talk of weddings or engagements. Even the staff of the palace seemed oblivious to it. Until that duke arrived safely on Arcadia, no one could know in case the information found its way to Earth.

Dad took our fastest ship, with one of the best warp drives in the universe, according to Dr. Oyama anyway. I believed him. Dad was back in three days.

He strode into the main hall wearing his crown, silver with black stones. He hated the thing, and I could tell with a glance he was itching to take it off. But he earned no sympathy from me. He'd sent a message as soon as he was within range telling me I had to dress properly to greet our guests. My crown was thinner and more intricate than his, making it stab into my scalp. As if that wasn't enough, my suit and cape were too stuffy to ever stand comfortably in. I felt like I was acting in some old-fashioned play with how ridiculous the whole outfit looked.

The pattering feet of the staff filtered in through the walls as they rushed to make preparations. This was the problem with secrets. They kept the staff from knowing how much food to make.

"How does my husband-to-be look?" I asked as Dad reached my side.

"You didn't look him up?"

"I tried. There was nothing about him."

"Ah." Dad nodded. "His parents tried to keep his identity secret due to the Earth Kings habit of not approving of other heirs. I think you'll find him cute." Licking the thumb of his glove, he swiped a stray strand of my hair back in place. I swatted his hand away before he could do any further damage to my pride.

One of the maids rushed in to stand by the open door, her cheeks rosy and her breaths quick. She stuttered through gasps for air. "Um, p-presenting His Grace, the Duke of Triton a-and his father." Confusion tilted her words. I doubted she knew who our guests were until moments before when someone told her what to say.

Dad tried to hide his smile for the poor maid's sake, instead turning it toward our guests. The father came in first, dressed in some sort of sharp black outfit. It appeared to be some sort of Japanese wear, and he did appear to be from Japanese ancestry. He looked far older than my father, though, with white hair and a drawn face. I suddenly worried about how old his son might be.

The man walked forward and bowed for my father and me. Then came the hard click of what sounded like high heels against the granite, and his son walked through the doors.

I saw the duke's robes before I saw anything else of him. The brilliant pink of his formal wear flowed out in all directions and seemed to swallow him. White flowers spun designs across the silk. With each step, his bare toes appeared from beneath the hem along with little wooden sandals. The whole outfit was elegant, though I couldn't say it fit him well. His walked as though he was on an ocean-borne ship, and his skin was so pale it matched the flowers. I could have dealt with all that if not for his age.

It took all my hours of courtesy training to keep from grabbing my dad by the throat and dragging him into the other room. I needed an explanation, and I needed one now. There was no way in hell the boy in front of me was legal. He was so young that he could only be called boy. His shining brown eyes were large like a doll's, and his cheeks were round with youth. He had to be at least six years my junior.

"Maybe we should cut out the tradition," Dad offered with a hesitant smile. "I think the warp sickness is getting to him."

The duke's father turned with a frown to see his woozy son. "I apologize, your majesty. It was his first time warping."

"Well it was quite a bit all at once, so it's understandable," Dad said. "And really, you don't have to use such formalities with me." It was always entertaining when people called Dad "your majesty". A near-invisible cringe twitched through his eye. And there was another name he hated being called just as much.

"Father," I said through a forced smile. I could feel my anger dripping from every piece of my expression, but there was no way to avoid it. "We need to talk about something."

He knew what he'd done wrong. I knew he knew. "You need to introduce yourself first," he said, an equal warning in his voice. The duke's father appeared to notice, his eyes taking on a shade of worry.

The duke, meanwhile, appeared oblivious to everything. His face shone with a sheen of sweat as he inched forward as best he could, his whole body trembling. It wasn't enough to make me pity him, but it was close.

"I'm Phantom Harlock the second," I snapped, trying to grab the boy's attention.

It worked. His head jerked up, which seemed to cause a chain reaction. I couldn't tell with the robes covering him, but it appeared one foot caught on the other. As he began to fall, his hand flew forward to grab the front of my suit. I nearly went down with him, but he was light enough that I managed to right myself. He was a good foot shorter than me, his hands small enough that I bet I could hold both of them in one of mine.

His head hung down, almost touching my chest. "Sorry," he said in a wobbly voice which had thankfully hit puberty.

Then he threw up all over my shoes with a guttural wretch. Every inch of me tensed, wide eyes straight ahead to keep from looking down. No one said a word. No one moved.

The boy broke the silence by spitting away what was left on his lips. He raised his listing head to face me. "Nice to meet you, your highness," he slurred. "I'm Tadashi Daiba."

Despite my father's attempt to turn his face away, nothing could hide the sound of his wheezing, barking laughter as it filled the room.

He was a dead man.


I actually do want to continue this sometime, but the only other chapter I have for it is with a different royal family. Let me know if you like it or anything I guess.