Seige on the Flame Alchemist's Office

OK, second attempt at fanfic in years (since a brief and embarrassing streak of JAG fics).

Rating: K+ just in case for very mild coarse language.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em

"She even ate all of her peas last night! Peas, Roy! And when I -" Maes Hughes stopped in his tracks, slowly sliding the newest model-perfect photo of Elysia into the safety of his coat pocket.

Boy did he come at a bad time. Colonel Roy Mustang stood behind his desk, leaning with both palms flat on the half-finished paperwork littering its surface. His eyes were narrowed, staring unrelentingly into the face of his target.

Across the desk, Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric held a pose just a defiant and focused. Slowly his steel fingers creaked as his golden eyes held steady. This was going to get ugly.

"I'll just come back lat-" Hughes managed to squeak out before turning on his heel and scampering from the room.

He was only able to take one step away before running straight into the tall metal form of Alphonse, Ed's younger brother.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Hughes muttered to the armored figure in front of him.

"But Niisan has to see!" he squealed, holding up a kitten between his surprisingly gentle hands.

"Well, if you're going to talk to your brother, I suppose I can borrow the Colonel for a moment," he said, sliding the pictures back out.

Their concentration broken, Fullmetal and Roy both grimaced, turned their heads toward the door, and in perfect, angry unison yelled "NO!"

"But Niisan!"

"Roy she's beautiful here. I mean, she's in the garden with Gracia, see she's eating a pea out of the garden. Right out of the ground!"

"Hughes, I couldn't care less right now. Do you know what Fullmetal destroyed on his last mission?" Roy asked, his dark eyes narrowing.

"And Al, no kittens. We've talked about this," Ed hated being the bad guy, but he also hated that he had to have this talk with his brother every time some stray cat in Central City had a litter.

"But Niisan, it's going to rain to night, and what it if catches a cold and -"

"And when I came home last night, she was already out of her bath and combing her hair. Roy, did you ever imagine that a little girl could be this brilliant and -"

Hughes, Al, and Ed were all cut off in their ranting by the bright light and surprising heat of a warning spark being emitted from between the Colonel's snapping fingers.

"Eveyone! Your daughter's lovely, your kitten is, um, adorable-" Roy choked over the word, "And Fullmetal you are gravely in danger of having Major Armstrong accompany you on every mission until you retire from your post as National Alchemist. For the love of sanity, will you all please get out of my office before I make a barbecue out of all of you and invite the rest of the office in for flambe!"

The quiet, shocked faces lasted for a moment before the yelling resumed.

"But Roy -"

"But Niisan - "

"And after she read me a bedtime story-"

"It was outside my window crying! What could I-"

Amid the chaos, Roy and Ed stole a glance at each other. Roy rolled his eyes while his subordinate shook his head. On a shared silent count to three, they both made a dash for the door at the same time and took off down the hall.

"Mark me out for the rest of the day!" Roy called over his shoulder to Hawkeye as he rounded the corner and followed Ed down the stairs.

They stopped when they made it around the corner of the building and both slumped into the grass with their backs against the rough stone wall.

"How we make it through the day with those two, I will never know," Roy sighed, catching his breath.

Ed, whose young lungs didn't need to recover, grinned. "I just want to know why you were going to flambe me along with them."

Roy smirked.. "Because you are a pain in my ass, Fullmetal," he said as he tossed an arm over the younger man's shoulders.

R+R please!