Hansel and Gretel...Er... Thom and Alanna
Disclaimer: What is this point of these things?!? Does anyone REALLY think that I own any of these characters??? If they do, they might want to go to the psychiatrist to get there head checked out. I would like to recommend my psychiatrist. I have to admit, he hasn't done much for my sanity, but then again, I am hopelessly insane.... Ok yeah, I don't own Hansel and Gretel either. Don't think anyone does. Wouldn't that be funny if someone did? Someone asks you: "So, are you investing in anything?" And you answer "I own Hansel and Gretel." If someone really does own Hansel and Gretel, my deepest apologies *sniggers* ON TO THE STORY!!!
A/N: Sorry, haven't read Hansel and Gretel since I was like, six years old. I'll probably end up reading it tonight. So I probably will end up messing up most of the details. Teehee. Please don't pain yourselves to correct every mistake. Some of them may be my intentional changing of the story. I'm not just gonna retype the original story and just insert the names Thom and Alanna wherever Hansel and Gretel would be. That would be stupid. Besides, if you tried to point out every mistake, you'd be up all night.
Ahh!!! I was listening to Newsboys-Breakfast and Sugarcult- Bouncing of the Walls when I wrote most of this (I just kept playing them over and over) so its very....... different. BEWARE!!!
'Darn those blasted kids' Lord Alan of Trebond thought with a sigh. ' What were the infernal brats' names again? Er... Uh.... oh screw this.' "Children!!!" he called loudly. The two twins came shuffling reluctantly into his study-' Thom and Alanna. Thats the names'-. "How would you like to go on a picnic this afternoon? Just us three?" ' Finally, my *evil* plan will go into effect. Can't wait to get- what were their blasted names again?!?- them out of my sight forever... Finally.'
Thom and Alanna didn't really want to spend time with their father, but saw no way out of it. What was the point of asking them if they wanted to go if they had no choice? With one glance at his sister, who he knew was inwardly groaning, he spoke up "I- we- would love to have the opportunity to spend time with you, dearest father." He crossed his fingers behind his back.
"Very well. Be ready to go at midday."
When they had gotten away from their father, Thom rushed to his room. He suspected his father was up to something. Why would he want to spend time with them? He yanked open his dresser and pulled out a small pouch. In it was one of his fathers toenails. (A/N: Sorry, I wanted to use something other than hair and...er... IM NOT CREATIVE!!!!) He had learned from Maude how to read peoples minds using a focus. True, it wasn't the most hygienic focus, but it would work.
As he murmered the spell to connect him to his father to him, violet light spilled over the toenail. His mind raced as he became two different people; himself and his father. ' When the little buggers go into the forest, I'll just abandon them there. They'll never find their way back. Then I can enjoy my books and scrolls without having to figure out what to do with them.' Lord Alan thought. Thom broke the connection. He knew he should have felt sad, but he was just pissed.
"Alanna! Alanna!" Thom yelled as he rushed to his sister's room. When Alanna just glared at him, he explained their father's plan. "The scheming bastard!" Alanna whisper-screamed when he had finished. "It's all right, Alanna," Thom reassured her "I have a plan."
When midday came, Alanna and Thom prepared for the picnic and met their father by the stables. Alanna mounted Chubby (I hope thats the name) and Thom mounted another horse named Skinny. (lol I told you I'm not creative) When Lord Alan mounted his horse, they set off for the forest.
As they traveled through the forest, Thom left small traces of his Gift so that they could find their way home. Lord Alan was preoccupied with his *evil* plans and didn't notice the violet- colored trail behind Skinny. When they finally reached a likely- looking clearing, Lord Alan dismounted and motioned for his *cough-beloved-cough* children to do the same. When they had dismounted, Lord Alan grabbed Chubby's and Skinny's reins. "Er.....Uh...." Lord Alan began. ' What are the fucking names again?!?' "Thom, Alanna, please allow me to take your horses to the river for a drink. I'll be back as soon as possible" Alanna snorted softly but allowed him to take Chubby. Thom did the same. (minus the snort)
Once he left, Thom and Alanna started the walk back home. "Maybe we should give him a chance....? Maybe he really doesn't mean to abandon us....." Alanna began hesitantly. Thom raised his copper-colored eyebrows at her and stared disbelievingly (is that a word?) Alanna let out a short laugh at his gullibility (is that a word either?) and sprinted back towards home. ' Grrrr...... her and her frickin tricks.' Thom thought, irritated. ' Oh well' He raced after her.
Within an hour they were back at the...er.... Trebond Manor. (what would they call their home???) Lord Alan was outraged, but tried to hide it. ' He always was a bad actor' Thom thought with contempt. "Children! I was so worried about you! I looked and I looked, but I could not find you!" Lord Alan explained. "Then how did you get home before us?" Alanna mumbled, yet loud enough that Lord Alan could hear her. Yet he still pretended he hadn't. "What was that, Alanna dearest?" 'Ha! I remembered the name!' he thought with satisfaction. "Nothing, father dearest." Alanna replied sarcastically. The lord of Trebond did not notice.
"Since we did not get to spend time together today, why don't we try another picnic tomorrow?" Lord Alan suggested. Alanna started to growl until Thom elbowed her in the stomach. "Whatever pleases you, father." Alanna answered with gritted teeth. Once again, Lord Alan was oblivious to her anger.
The next day was much the same. Lord Alan led his children deeper into the forest. Except this time, when Lord Alan walked away, he noticed the violet trail leading back towards home. (finally he notices something) He used his highly trained Gift to make it disappear. (lol, Lord Alan goes to the convent. No, he really knows how to use his Gift, but tells his children not to. What a hypocrite)
When Thom and Alanna started back toward home, they realized (of course they realized, they're not as oblivious as their dad) that their trail to get home was gone. Thom started to ponder how it could have disappeared, when Alanna's swears broke the silence.
The two twins trudged lazily through the forest for what seemed like hours. Alanna was singing softly: "When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned and Cap'n Crunch is waving farewell, when the Big One finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell." (A/N: That's what happens when you listen to the same song over and over again. Sorry I had to put that in. Its from Breakfast by Newsboys. Good song.) "Shut up, Alanna" Thom murmered sleepily. They continued the long, hopeless trek through the forest.
'Finally. I thought I would never get rid of..... DAMNIT! WHATS THE POINT OF NAMING KIDS! I CAN NEVER REMEMBER BLOODY NAMES ANYWAY!!!' Lord Alan thought. 'Hmmm..... What should I do with all this time I have? I know!!! I listen to Newsboys!' *starts singing Breakfast*
After walking through the forest for hours on end, and after Thom listened to Alanna sing Breakfast over and over again, (and occasionally joining in) the Trebond twins came upon a huge cottage. But this cottage was not made of brick or wood. It was made of cheese.
"Oooooo yummm cheese!" Thom said. "BEHOLD! The Power of cheese!" Alanna exclaimed.
And they dug in. Having not eaten since breakfast much earlier that day, they were ravenous. They attached their mouths to the delicious cottage and gorged themselves on it. Every once and awhile they would make a trip to the enormous melted cheese fountain on the side of the house. (oooo im getting hungry)
They continued in this fashion for a half hour, not noticing the evil man-witch (wizard doesn't sound right) watching them intently. Finally the evil man-witch (LOL! MANWICH! YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS ON COMMERCIALS!!! I just had a vision of a spamburger with arms and legs. *shudder*) spoke up. "Ahem." He said. Alanna and Thom appeared not to hear. "AHEM" He said, louder. "AHEM!!!" He shouted. 'Wow, he must have a bad throat disease, having to clear his throat that loudly' Alanna thought with a giggle. The evil man-witch glared at her. Alanna yelped and jumped aside as the evil man-witch tried to melt her with heat vision. (lol morgan i hope your reading this! everyone else, its an inside joke)
The evil man-witch grabbed them both by the ears. (pain!) "You two are now in debt to me because you ATE half of my HOUSE! You now work for me. Oh yes, my name is Duke Roger of Conte,(what a surprise) and the only reason I'm telling you that is because the author of this fanfic is sick of writing evil man-witch, because every time she types it shes reminded of the evil spamburger with arms and legs." Roger explained, out of breath because of the enormous run-on sentence. (Eek! Please don't tell Ms. Wilson about that!)
"Er... uh...yeah... right...." Thom said. His next comment was cut off as he was thrown into a 1 by 1 foot cage -that was NOT made of cheese- by Roger.
Alanna stared at her brother, trying to decide wether to laugh or yell. It was very amusing, looking at her brother squished up in a tiny box. (JUST HAD ANOTHER VISION!) But she was very mad at Roger for putting her brother there. As Alanna battled with herself, Roger dragged her away.
"Now, child, you will boil water for me" Roger ordered. "I will have quite a feast tonight. Your brother is still young, but he still has enough meat on him to feed me. If you do not do what I say, I will eat you tonight, also." (AH! ROGERS A CANNIBAL! A/N: I know that in the real story, Hansel holds out a bone when the witch checks him to see how fat he is, but I can't picture Roger being senile. Actually, I can, but its really scary.)
Reluctanly, Alanna did as she was told. She had no desire to be eaten. She could just picture Roger's teeth on her cooked flesh...
"Now you will check the tablecloth." Roger commanded. "It's over by that cliff, drying. Bring it back to me, and I won't eat you." But Alanna was only half listening. She was struck by a sudden idea. "Where?" She inquired innocently. "Over there, you senile brat!" Roger exclaimed, pointing. "Where?!?" Alanna insisted. "I'll show you" Roger gave in. He led her over to the cliff and stopped in front of the edge. "See?!? This cliff!"
"Ooooohhhhhh! That cliff!" Alanna said. With a wry smile, she shoved him off of the cliff. His girly screams could be heard throughout the forest.
Alanna reunited with her brother, and after gathering tons of cheese and wandering around in the woods for a few hours, they finally found their house. Lord Alan was not pleased by there arrival, but he had to admit, they would have an endless supply of cheese.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
A/N: You like? Sorry about all of my comments. I know that the witch wasn't pushed of a cliff, but Roger could save himself from a cliff, and he needs to come back so Alanna can kill him again later. Teehee. I plan on doing other fairy tales. I'm planning on Rumplestiltskin. Sorry about spelling errors, I supposed to be at my friends house right now and I need to post this ASAP!
Disclaimer: What is this point of these things?!? Does anyone REALLY think that I own any of these characters??? If they do, they might want to go to the psychiatrist to get there head checked out. I would like to recommend my psychiatrist. I have to admit, he hasn't done much for my sanity, but then again, I am hopelessly insane.... Ok yeah, I don't own Hansel and Gretel either. Don't think anyone does. Wouldn't that be funny if someone did? Someone asks you: "So, are you investing in anything?" And you answer "I own Hansel and Gretel." If someone really does own Hansel and Gretel, my deepest apologies *sniggers* ON TO THE STORY!!!
A/N: Sorry, haven't read Hansel and Gretel since I was like, six years old. I'll probably end up reading it tonight. So I probably will end up messing up most of the details. Teehee. Please don't pain yourselves to correct every mistake. Some of them may be my intentional changing of the story. I'm not just gonna retype the original story and just insert the names Thom and Alanna wherever Hansel and Gretel would be. That would be stupid. Besides, if you tried to point out every mistake, you'd be up all night.
Ahh!!! I was listening to Newsboys-Breakfast and Sugarcult- Bouncing of the Walls when I wrote most of this (I just kept playing them over and over) so its very....... different. BEWARE!!!
'Darn those blasted kids' Lord Alan of Trebond thought with a sigh. ' What were the infernal brats' names again? Er... Uh.... oh screw this.' "Children!!!" he called loudly. The two twins came shuffling reluctantly into his study-' Thom and Alanna. Thats the names'-. "How would you like to go on a picnic this afternoon? Just us three?" ' Finally, my *evil* plan will go into effect. Can't wait to get- what were their blasted names again?!?- them out of my sight forever... Finally.'
Thom and Alanna didn't really want to spend time with their father, but saw no way out of it. What was the point of asking them if they wanted to go if they had no choice? With one glance at his sister, who he knew was inwardly groaning, he spoke up "I- we- would love to have the opportunity to spend time with you, dearest father." He crossed his fingers behind his back.
"Very well. Be ready to go at midday."
When they had gotten away from their father, Thom rushed to his room. He suspected his father was up to something. Why would he want to spend time with them? He yanked open his dresser and pulled out a small pouch. In it was one of his fathers toenails. (A/N: Sorry, I wanted to use something other than hair and...er... IM NOT CREATIVE!!!!) He had learned from Maude how to read peoples minds using a focus. True, it wasn't the most hygienic focus, but it would work.
As he murmered the spell to connect him to his father to him, violet light spilled over the toenail. His mind raced as he became two different people; himself and his father. ' When the little buggers go into the forest, I'll just abandon them there. They'll never find their way back. Then I can enjoy my books and scrolls without having to figure out what to do with them.' Lord Alan thought. Thom broke the connection. He knew he should have felt sad, but he was just pissed.
"Alanna! Alanna!" Thom yelled as he rushed to his sister's room. When Alanna just glared at him, he explained their father's plan. "The scheming bastard!" Alanna whisper-screamed when he had finished. "It's all right, Alanna," Thom reassured her "I have a plan."
When midday came, Alanna and Thom prepared for the picnic and met their father by the stables. Alanna mounted Chubby (I hope thats the name) and Thom mounted another horse named Skinny. (lol I told you I'm not creative) When Lord Alan mounted his horse, they set off for the forest.
As they traveled through the forest, Thom left small traces of his Gift so that they could find their way home. Lord Alan was preoccupied with his *evil* plans and didn't notice the violet- colored trail behind Skinny. When they finally reached a likely- looking clearing, Lord Alan dismounted and motioned for his *cough-beloved-cough* children to do the same. When they had dismounted, Lord Alan grabbed Chubby's and Skinny's reins. "Er.....Uh...." Lord Alan began. ' What are the fucking names again?!?' "Thom, Alanna, please allow me to take your horses to the river for a drink. I'll be back as soon as possible" Alanna snorted softly but allowed him to take Chubby. Thom did the same. (minus the snort)
Once he left, Thom and Alanna started the walk back home. "Maybe we should give him a chance....? Maybe he really doesn't mean to abandon us....." Alanna began hesitantly. Thom raised his copper-colored eyebrows at her and stared disbelievingly (is that a word?) Alanna let out a short laugh at his gullibility (is that a word either?) and sprinted back towards home. ' Grrrr...... her and her frickin tricks.' Thom thought, irritated. ' Oh well' He raced after her.
Within an hour they were back at the...er.... Trebond Manor. (what would they call their home???) Lord Alan was outraged, but tried to hide it. ' He always was a bad actor' Thom thought with contempt. "Children! I was so worried about you! I looked and I looked, but I could not find you!" Lord Alan explained. "Then how did you get home before us?" Alanna mumbled, yet loud enough that Lord Alan could hear her. Yet he still pretended he hadn't. "What was that, Alanna dearest?" 'Ha! I remembered the name!' he thought with satisfaction. "Nothing, father dearest." Alanna replied sarcastically. The lord of Trebond did not notice.
"Since we did not get to spend time together today, why don't we try another picnic tomorrow?" Lord Alan suggested. Alanna started to growl until Thom elbowed her in the stomach. "Whatever pleases you, father." Alanna answered with gritted teeth. Once again, Lord Alan was oblivious to her anger.
The next day was much the same. Lord Alan led his children deeper into the forest. Except this time, when Lord Alan walked away, he noticed the violet trail leading back towards home. (finally he notices something) He used his highly trained Gift to make it disappear. (lol, Lord Alan goes to the convent. No, he really knows how to use his Gift, but tells his children not to. What a hypocrite)
When Thom and Alanna started back toward home, they realized (of course they realized, they're not as oblivious as their dad) that their trail to get home was gone. Thom started to ponder how it could have disappeared, when Alanna's swears broke the silence.
The two twins trudged lazily through the forest for what seemed like hours. Alanna was singing softly: "When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned and Cap'n Crunch is waving farewell, when the Big One finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell." (A/N: That's what happens when you listen to the same song over and over again. Sorry I had to put that in. Its from Breakfast by Newsboys. Good song.) "Shut up, Alanna" Thom murmered sleepily. They continued the long, hopeless trek through the forest.
'Finally. I thought I would never get rid of..... DAMNIT! WHATS THE POINT OF NAMING KIDS! I CAN NEVER REMEMBER BLOODY NAMES ANYWAY!!!' Lord Alan thought. 'Hmmm..... What should I do with all this time I have? I know!!! I listen to Newsboys!' *starts singing Breakfast*
After walking through the forest for hours on end, and after Thom listened to Alanna sing Breakfast over and over again, (and occasionally joining in) the Trebond twins came upon a huge cottage. But this cottage was not made of brick or wood. It was made of cheese.
"Oooooo yummm cheese!" Thom said. "BEHOLD! The Power of cheese!" Alanna exclaimed.
And they dug in. Having not eaten since breakfast much earlier that day, they were ravenous. They attached their mouths to the delicious cottage and gorged themselves on it. Every once and awhile they would make a trip to the enormous melted cheese fountain on the side of the house. (oooo im getting hungry)
They continued in this fashion for a half hour, not noticing the evil man-witch (wizard doesn't sound right) watching them intently. Finally the evil man-witch (LOL! MANWICH! YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS ON COMMERCIALS!!! I just had a vision of a spamburger with arms and legs. *shudder*) spoke up. "Ahem." He said. Alanna and Thom appeared not to hear. "AHEM" He said, louder. "AHEM!!!" He shouted. 'Wow, he must have a bad throat disease, having to clear his throat that loudly' Alanna thought with a giggle. The evil man-witch glared at her. Alanna yelped and jumped aside as the evil man-witch tried to melt her with heat vision. (lol morgan i hope your reading this! everyone else, its an inside joke)
The evil man-witch grabbed them both by the ears. (pain!) "You two are now in debt to me because you ATE half of my HOUSE! You now work for me. Oh yes, my name is Duke Roger of Conte,(what a surprise) and the only reason I'm telling you that is because the author of this fanfic is sick of writing evil man-witch, because every time she types it shes reminded of the evil spamburger with arms and legs." Roger explained, out of breath because of the enormous run-on sentence. (Eek! Please don't tell Ms. Wilson about that!)
"Er... uh...yeah... right...." Thom said. His next comment was cut off as he was thrown into a 1 by 1 foot cage -that was NOT made of cheese- by Roger.
Alanna stared at her brother, trying to decide wether to laugh or yell. It was very amusing, looking at her brother squished up in a tiny box. (JUST HAD ANOTHER VISION!) But she was very mad at Roger for putting her brother there. As Alanna battled with herself, Roger dragged her away.
"Now, child, you will boil water for me" Roger ordered. "I will have quite a feast tonight. Your brother is still young, but he still has enough meat on him to feed me. If you do not do what I say, I will eat you tonight, also." (AH! ROGERS A CANNIBAL! A/N: I know that in the real story, Hansel holds out a bone when the witch checks him to see how fat he is, but I can't picture Roger being senile. Actually, I can, but its really scary.)
Reluctanly, Alanna did as she was told. She had no desire to be eaten. She could just picture Roger's teeth on her cooked flesh...
"Now you will check the tablecloth." Roger commanded. "It's over by that cliff, drying. Bring it back to me, and I won't eat you." But Alanna was only half listening. She was struck by a sudden idea. "Where?" She inquired innocently. "Over there, you senile brat!" Roger exclaimed, pointing. "Where?!?" Alanna insisted. "I'll show you" Roger gave in. He led her over to the cliff and stopped in front of the edge. "See?!? This cliff!"
"Ooooohhhhhh! That cliff!" Alanna said. With a wry smile, she shoved him off of the cliff. His girly screams could be heard throughout the forest.
Alanna reunited with her brother, and after gathering tons of cheese and wandering around in the woods for a few hours, they finally found their house. Lord Alan was not pleased by there arrival, but he had to admit, they would have an endless supply of cheese.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
A/N: You like? Sorry about all of my comments. I know that the witch wasn't pushed of a cliff, but Roger could save himself from a cliff, and he needs to come back so Alanna can kill him again later. Teehee. I plan on doing other fairy tales. I'm planning on Rumplestiltskin. Sorry about spelling errors, I supposed to be at my friends house right now and I need to post this ASAP!
