Disclaimer: I wish...we all wish.

I'm thanking TheJulesTee and Dosu Disciple for checking this for spelling errors. Thank god they can spell because sadly, I cannot. Also I want to thank, you. Thanks for giving this story a chance. To be honest I find it a little slow at first, but I'm really proud of the ending. Plus the next chapter is better I can promise you that. . . And just so we're clear...

*action*

Thoughts or emphasis on a word

Gaara's POV

I think I'm so funny, Naruto thinks I'm cruel, but I'm defiantly funny. I've been hiding in his closet for the past 3 hours or so, (I snuck in early this morning), sending him the creepiest texts I can think of. But sadly my fun ends here...

Naruto: Why the hell are you in my closet!

He found me.

Gaara: Did you get my text?

Naruto: Yes I got your text! Now tell me why you're in my closet!

Gaara: Why didn't you text me back?

Naruto: ...Your text said, 'dat ass.' How the hell I'm I supposed to respond to that!

Gaara: I don't know...At least say, 'thanks for noticing', or something.

My best friend stood there in silence for a few seconds before speaking up calmly.

Naruto: You don't have a reason for doing all this, do you?

Gaara: Other then insane boredom, no I don't.

Naruto shrugged and then went to the washroom. I find it amazing how he just brushed that off. I went to the kitchen and started to eat some sort of left over. It smelt funny; it looked funny, conclusion... I should eat it!

Naruto: *walks in* Dude, what the hell are you doing!

Gaara: I'm eating...It tastes awful.

Naruto: That's because it's a raw bunny rabbit liver!

Gaara: Ah! *drops fork* Why do you have a bunny rabbit liver in your fridge! And why the hell do you say bunny rabbit! Just say bunny or rabbit!

Just then Jiraya,(Naruto's guardian), ran into the kitchen with nothing but a shirt and boxers on. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a 5 o'clock shadow...The liver was prettier then he was.

Jiraya: Gaara, you have 5 second to explain to me way you're eating my delicious bunny rabbit liver without properly cooking it first!

Gaara:...umm...

Jiraya: Not good enough!

He snatched the liver from me and put back in the fridge saying, "There, there my pretties. The mean man is gone." Then he looked up and saw the time.

Jiraya: Crap! I'm going to be late for work!*Runs for the door*

Naruto: Pants!

Jiraya: huh?

Naruto: Don't you dare leave this place without your pants!...again!

Gaara: This happens often?

Naruto: You have no idea.

Gaara: Must be all that liver.

Jiraya: You leave my bunny rabbit liver out of this! *zips up pants* Alright boys this is the first day of school, good luck, and make sure your on time.

And with that he left.

Naruto lives right beside the school; all we had to do was walk through the opening in the fence and we were there. We quickly walked through the front doors and went to the bulletin board to check what home room we were in that year.

Naruto: Shit, we're in Kakashi's homeroom.

Gaara: I wonder what his face looks like...

Naruto: It's probably hideous, and that's way he covers it up.

Gaara: *Smirk* He probably got a bad nose job, and doesn't have the money to fix it.

Naruto: Haha, yeah, or maybe he got a crummy lip injection.

Gaara: Or maybe he needs Botox but is too scared of the needle.

Naruto: Yeah! Or he probably has braces or something.

Gaara: Haha, or maybe he has bad acne.

Naruto: Ha! Wait, can adults even get acne?

As I was contemplating a sarcastic remark in my head...

Sakura: Yeah, they can.

Naruto: Oh, hey Sakura!

Gaara: Leave.

Sakura: Gaara! You are so rude! Seriously go get etiquette lessons or something.

Gaara: After you go get boob growing lessons.

Before she could say anything the bell rang. I dragged Naruto to homeroom leaving a whiny Sakura in our wake.

Naruto's POV

Okay, so me and Gaara open the door and the first thing I say is, "Sasuke! You shit faced, douche bag form hell! Move it!" Just the mere presence of that asstard makes me want to...steal candy from a baby...or kick a puppy...or tell a pregnant lady how fat she is! He just brings out the worst in me.

Sasuke: Spaz much.

Naruto: ...you're a weirdie pants!

Gaara and Sasuke: Weirdie pants?

Naruto: It was the first thing that popped into my mind okay.

Sasuke: Thinking isn't one of your talents, that's for sure.

Naruto: Shut it Mr. Weirdie Pants!

There was this awkward silence. It made me feel really uncomfortable, mostly because I was the last one to talk, so it was kind of my fault I guess. Plus pretty much the whole room was staring at us now, including that crazy face, Kakashi. I'm about ready to break it with another stupid comment, but then I was so rudely interrupted by...Kabuto? He was shoving students aside, thinking that being a faculty member's weasel was a thing that gave him power.

Kabuto: Make way peasants. Make way for your king!

Naruto: Did he just say king?

Gaara: Did he just call us peasants?

Neither me nor Gaara noticed the look of fear make its way into Sasuke's eyes.

Sasuke's POV

Oh no, the only reason Kabuto would make an entrance like that is if...

Orochimaru: Hello class it's me, principal Orochimaru.

Damn it! I hate that man. I hate him with a passion! He is a sick, sick man with a sick, sick hobby. His hobby...is to watch every move I make, he is in love with me, and he's not to secretive about it. I swear to God, he spent all his time last year counting my pores! My pores! Do you have any idea how uncomfortably close someone has to get to you in order to count your pores? Pretty damn close!

Orochimaru: Oh my God, Sasuke, is that you? Wow fancy meeting you here, my you look especially hot and delicious today.

Arg! Do you see what I mean about him not being to secretive? The whole freaking school knows about his unhealthy obsession. It's because he will walk right up to me and say stuff like, 'Wow Sasuke, have I ever told you how jealous I am of your body?' In a way it's kind of a good thing though, everyone knows how he is so they make sure that I'm never alone with him.

Orochimaru: Quickly Kabuto, come here!

Shit! Whenever he says 'quickly Kabuto, come here' he does something weird, for example last year he called me to his office and made me sit down, and then he said, "Quickly Kabuto come here." And I sat there for two hours as Kabuto went through all these different brands of hair dye, trying to find the one that matched my hair colour the best. Not. Fucking. Kidding. The very next day Orochimaru came to school with black, straight hair. It used to be blond and wavy. I honestly think that the black hair was an improvement, but still...it's creepy.

Orochimaru: Alright Sasuke, hold still as Kabuto measures you...

Sasuke: Say what!

Kakashi: With all due respect Principal Orochimaru, this really isn't the time.

Orochimaru: Shut the hell up! I pay your freaking salary!

Kakashi: I know, I know, you never let me forget it! But must I remind you that it's the first day of school, and we are already 5 minutes into homeroom and you still haven't made the morning announcements?

Orochimaru: Hmm...You make a good point opera boy.

Kakashi: Opera boy?

Orochimaru: Yeah, you know. 'Phantom of the Opera,' the guy wears a mask, and you wear a mask... Are you seeing the resemblance?

Kabuto: Good one Orochimaru!

Naruto: Douchebaggary! His mask looks nothing like the 'Phantom of the Opera!' He just wears one of those crummy doctors' masks.

Kakashi: He has a point...Crummy! It's cool.

Orochimaru: Detention! At lunch!

Kakashi: Me? What did I do?

Orochimaru: No, not you stupid Kakashi! You're a teacher, you give detentions. Naruto's the one with detention.

Naruto: What!

Gaara: Why, what did Naruto do?

Orochimaru: You too Garry! Detention!

Gaara: *Eye twitch*...It's Gaara.

Orochimaru: I don't care! You still have detention!

Naruto: But why?

Orochimaru: Because you wrecked my joke. And you, Garry...

Gaara: Gaara!

Orochimaru: Whatever! You get detention because you stood up for Naruto! So there!

And with that he left. Thank God, that could have gone worse. I'll have to make sure that I try and stay out of his way...I hate my life.

I sat down in the chair closest to the back and looked around. Hmm... There are some new kids this year. Four of them, we haven't had new kids in a long time. I think Gaara was the last new kid we had. And that was three years ago. Let's see there's a red headed girl whose hair looked like it exploded in a microwave, a platinum-haired haired boy with a crazy toothy grin, another boy with orange hair who is easily the new tallest kid in school. And some sort of gloomy, depressing, looking guy in the corner. Oh God, he's one of those artsy types, he's got a sketching pad...He looks kind of familiar actually, I wonder why?

Ino: Hey Sasuke, that new kid over there looks like you.

Well shit.

Kakashi: Alright, here are your schedules, locker number, and combination locks. Please no trading lockers so that you can be by your best friend. Off you go!

Orochimaru's POV

Orochimaru: What am I to do Kabuto?

Kabuto: Sir?

Orochimaru: About Sasuke, I can't get a decent look at him. I need a picture or something.

I plan on getting a ton of expensive plastic sugary so that I may look just like that hot, sexy, and oh-so-studly Sasuke. Yum yum.

Kabuto: Forget about him!

Orochimaru: What!

I swear if I heard him right, and he actually did say that here in my presence, I will send him to the pits of hell...

Kabuto: I-I mean... Let's have a Harry Potter marathon, and act out all the parts with Harry and He Who Must Not Be Named!

Oh?

Orochimaru: Yay! What a wonderful idea! You always know how to cheer me up!

Kabuto: Of course I do, I love you.

Kabuto then leaned in and hugged me tightly.

Orochimaru: ...Umm...this is weird. I don't swing that way.

Kabuto: ...I mean I love you because you play the part of He Who Must Not Be Named so well! Not like, you know, a crush or anything...that would just be stupid, haha wouldn't that be stupid Orochimaru, huh, wouldn't it...be stupid...?

Orochimaru: Yes...it would be stupid. Note to self, Kabuto is creepy. It pains me to say this, but after I get my sexy Sasuke body I may have to fire him. Just think about it, if he's having trouble keeping his hands of me now...I don't even want to think about how he'll act when I look like Sasuke...Gross, Kabuto likes little boys, what a perv. Speaking of sex related things...

Orochimaru: Quickly Kabuto, come here!

Kabuto: Yes Sir!

Orochimaru: We need to hire one of those sex talker people for next week for the grade eleven class. Remind me, what was our goal was last year? And who did we hire?

Kabuto flipped through some papers on my desk

Kabuto: ...Umm...Here it is, it says; 'Get everyone to jizz their pants' ...And we hired a lady named Konan.

Orochimaru: Oh, that's right. Make sure we schedule a meeting after school so we can come up with the details for this year.

Kabuto: I love it when you say we.

Orochimaru: Oh my God, Kabuto, you are so gay, and don't even try to convince me otherwise.

Kabuto: How did you know?

Orochimaru: Is that a trick question? You're so loaded with gay, it's not even funny... Well let's start the Harry Potter marathon.

Kabuto: Wait, so even though you just found out I was gay, you're going to carry on as if nothing happened?

Orochimaru: I've known for years that you're gay; it honestly makes no difference to me what gender you prefer to screw, I just what to watch Harry Potter.

Kabuto: So things won't be weird between us, we can still be friends?

Orochimaru: Umm, sure, whatever floats your boat. Now start the damn movie.

Kabuto: *Sniff sniff* You do care!

Orochimaru: Shut the hell up, Kabuto, now start the movie before I change my mind and beat you straight!

Gaara's POV

Well the first two classes were boring as hell. I had math with that teacher Sasori, who by the way, it not a natural red head. That's right, last year his hair was dog shit brown, but apparently, he heard that Deidara, the art teacher, had a thing for red heads. I think that he just wanted to copy my style. I know it's amazing. I always look so badass...

After that it was English with Kurenai, snore fest. I mean we all know how to read and spell our names, so why do we have to study Shakespeare? We don't even know what he's trying to say. Him and all his 'where art thou' and 'to be or not to be' is getting pretty annoying. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I'm reminded of the fact that me and Naruto have detention with Orochimaru and his pet, Kabuto during lunch. Which is now.

Gaara: Naruto, when are you going?

Naruto: To eat lunch with the others, duh.

Gaara: Detention, remember.

Naruto: Arg! I hate my life!

Gaara: I hate your life too, but we either do it now and get it over with or we skip and Orochimaru finds out and he makes us do it after school.

Naruto: Ha! That's what she said!

Gaara: Not impressed.

Me and Naruto started to drag our sorry asses to the principal's office. Once we got there Naruto raised his hand to knock on the door, but I grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

Naruto: What?

Gaara: Don't you hear it?

Naruto: Hear what?

Gaara: Shh! Listen.

Me and Naruto pressed our ear against the door so we could hear better...

Orochimaru: I think we should do it on the desk.

Kabuto: No offence sir, but I think it would work better on the couch, the desk it a little too high.

Orochimaru: Hmm...you might be right about that. Let's just do a quick run through on both, and then do the real thing on whichever surface it better.

Naruto: Ho-lee shit!

Gaara: Shh, keep listening...

Kabuto: Excellent idea! Would you like me to keep the cape on or off?

Orochimaru: Keep it on; it will add a little spice to it.

Kabuto: Alright let's start on the couch first.

Naruto: That's it, I can't listen anymore!

Gaara: Keep listening Naruto, if we time this right, it could get us off detention.

Naruto: They why don't you just listen? It's really only a one person job.

Gaara: Because if I have to sit here and suffer then so do you.

Naruto: *Sigh* I'd almost rather do detention.

Gaara: Yeah, almost, but not quite, so start listening...

Orochimaru: ...Umm...Kabuto, this is a little embarrassing to mention, but your magical wand doesn't look right.

Kabuto: Really? I don't see anything wrong with it.

Orochimaru: Well...I don't know...It looks all floppy and bent.

Kabuto: Hmm...Yeah, I guess you're right.

Orochimaru: Well, come here and I'll fix it for you.

Naruto: Oh sweet baby Jesus!

Gaara: Shut the hell up...

Orochimaru: Did you hear something?

Kabuto: No sir.

Orochimaru: Okay. Here we go all fixed. Duct tape is amazing, is there anything it can't fix.

Kabuto: I don't believe so sir!

Gaara: Duct tape?

Naruto: Ew...

Orochimaru: Alright let's start.

Kabuto: Um...Can I be Voldemort just this once?

Orochimaru: Why? I'm always Voldemort, and you do Harry Potter's accent so well. You even have the same glasses!

Kabuto: Yeah, I know, but I've memorized it all and I just want a change. Just this once and I promise that I will never ask again.

Orochimaru: Fine, but just this once.

Naruto: Harry Potter? Wait just a fucking minute!

Gaara: Naruto don't!

Too late, Naruto and his few remaining brain cells barged in. I had no other choice but pull up my big boy pants and get ready for an extended lecture about knocking before you enter, and an even longer detention. Remind me to do painful and awkward things to Naruto later, okay brain?

I followed Naruto into the office; I must say I was truly shocked at what I saw. Kabuto was standing on the couch wearing a cape, and waving a magic wand (which is actually a bunch markers taped together), in the air. Principal Orochimaru was doing the same, but he was standing on the desk. Naruto did a little cough to get their attention. Amazing, they didn't hear us and our loud entrance, but they heard Naruto's wussy, little cough.

Once Orochimaru and Kabuto noticed me and Naruto standing there they froze, like a deer caught in the head lights. Naruto was trying not to smile, even though his efforts were useless. His grin was so big I thought it might rip his face in half. The silence went on for a while and I think Kabuto was about ready to wet himself with fear. Then Naruto opened his mouth to laugh, and he better thank God I was there to cover it up before any noise can out. But honestly who can blame him; the looks on their faces were priceless.

Orochimaru: Alright, here's how it's going to work. I'll let your detention slide if you don't tell anyone. And if you do tell anyone, you'll have detention for the rest of your high school life!

Gaara and Naruto: Deal!

Me and Naruto ran down the hallway and up the stairs to our part of the hallway. The way it works in our school is, because we don't have a lunch room, we have to find a spot in the hallways to eat our lunch. And the way that usually works is certain grades get certain parts of the hallways. Our grade is at the end of the hall by the bathrooms, I don't know why we choose that spot, but we did, and now we're stuck with it because all the rest of the grades already claimed the other parts of the hallways. Sucks to be us. Once we got to our group we were greeted by a lazy Shikamaru.

Shikamaru: Don't you guys have detention?

Naruto: Aren't you smart enough to have skipped at least two grades, and be graduated by now? Can't you at least figure out that Orochimaru changed his mind?

Shikamaru: Nah. So what made Orochimaru change his mind?

Gaara: He just told us he didn't have anything for us to do and let us go.

Kiba: Really it was that easy! Lucky.

Shikamaru: Okay, now what's the real reason?

Naruto: I don't know...we were sworn to secrecy.

Ino: Oh, come on you guys spill already, I what to hear this.

Gaara: No.

Sakura: I want to know the dirt, you two found out!

Gaara: Your mom's the dirt, and I planted a flower.

Ino: Party at my house after school!

Hinata: R-random. But...It's a school night.

Kiba: Aw, come on Hinata, teachers never give homework the first day of school.

Hinata: That's true...ok I'll come.

Kiba: Sweet! So will me and Shino!

Shino: ...I never said I would go.

Kiba: Come on Shino, don't be an anti-social butterfly!

Shino: ...So funny I almost forgot to laugh. Yeah, I'll come.

Shikamaru: I guess I'll come.

Choji: Same. You always have such good snacks!

Sakura: I'll come of course! Will you Sasuke?

Sasuke: *Sigh* Yeah and I'm bringing the new kids.

Naruto: Me and Gaara will be there!

Gaara: Speak for yourself, I'm not going.

Naruto: What! Why not!

God, why must he ask? He knows why!

Flashback

Sakura's POV

Ino: Alright Sakura, your turn spin the bottle!

I took a deep breath; this is going to be my first kiss. I'm fifteen now, practically an adult I can do this! But I'm still so nervous! Okay, it will be easy, and if I'm lucky it will land on Sasuke! Just thinking about him is making my heart pound, which is a sure sign of love. Oh Sasuke! We are meant to be together!

Ino: What's the holdup Sakura? Spin the bottle already.

"Oh haha, right," With a shaking hand I reached out for the plastic bottle and gave it a spin. I held my breath, closed my eyes and crossed my fingers. I'm not really a superstitious person, but crossing my fingers is just a habit I have. Besides this game is pure luck, by crossing my fingers I'm simply asking luck to be on my side. When the bottle stopped spinning everyone gasped. Well, everyone except Naruto. I opened my eyes to see who the bottle landed on.

Naruto: NooOooOooOoo, Gaara you lucky bastard!

Gaara: I'm going to do painful things to you later Naruto.

Ino: Alright Gaara take Sakura into the closet! You know the drill!

...Gaara. Gaara! It had to land on him! We do not get along, like at all! I got up off the floor and followed him into the closet. And you know what? I'm not nervous at all not even a little. This could be my chance to shut him up. Just think, if I give a mind blowing kiss, he'll have nothing bad to say about me. He closed the door behind me, plunging us into near-darkness.

He turned around to face me, he was about to say something, but I didn't give him the chance. In an instant I had my arms around his neck and my tongue half way down his throat. He was making some sort of noise, but I can't tell if it was good or not. I tightened my arms around his neck to keep him from squirming around so much. And he was putting no effort what-so-ever into the kiss, he didn't even have he hands on my waist or anything. He wasn't even kissing back; in fact I think he's trying to spit my tongue out! (Never thought someone else could spit my tongue out.) Suddenly he grabbed my hair and yanked my face away from him.

Gaara: What the hell were you trying to do! Fit your entire fat head inside my mouth?

Sakura: I...umm...I was just kissing you.

Gaara: Just kissing! You were having a wrestling match with my tongue, then your teeth got involved and it just wasn't nice.

I think I'm going to cry. That was my first kiss and even though I said I wasn't nervous, I actually was like, really nervous. And now Gaara is being a major douche, kicking me when I'm down. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks, I'm so pathetic.

Gaara: Are you crying?

Sakura: *Sniff sniff* NOooo! *Sobs*

Gaara: Umm... Your kissing wasn't that bad... It's just that, you were drinking grape soda, right?

Sakura: Y-y-yes.*Sniff*

Gaara: Right, and I hate grape soda. I think it tastes like medicine, so it wasn't really your kissing technique that I didn't like, it was just the way you taste, that's all.

Sakura: *Sniff* R-r-r-really *Sniff*

Gaara: Umm...*Eye twitch* Really.

It was so freaking obvious he was lying, but the attempt to make me feel better was really sweet.

End of flashback

Gaara's POV

And that's why I don't want to go. The fact that I had to be nice to snivelling, fat faced Sakura makes me want to offer an animal sacrifice to repent for my sins. I have no idea what Naruto sees in her, but if they get married, I'm leaving the country.

Sakura and Naruto are the two most annoying people that I know of, and if they breed and have kids, I think the world would explode. Naruto's my only friend and I like him just fine, but he's still annoying, plus as his best friend he would ask me to babysit. We both know that would never happen. I told him if he ever asked me to babysit his future kids, I would eat them. To which Naruto responded, "Fine with me, it's Sakura who would hunt you down and mount your head above the fire place."

~History Class~

Naruto: Gaara, just come to the party. We need to make more friends.

Gaara: No, these parties are just excuses to make people do stupid things so that their so-called 'friends' can take pictures and use it as black mail.

Naruto: But, I'm okay with that...Just come...I'll be your best friend.

Gaara: You already are my best friend, stupid.

Naruto: I know, and not only that, but I'm your only friend.

Gaara: ... So?

Naruto: That just proves that you need to widen your social circle. Plus if you don't come, you'll be letting your best friend down, and you wouldn't do that to your best and only friend would you?

Gaara: Well I'll tell you this, if my best friend doesn't shut up soon, I'll stuff him in a bag and then throw Temari's stupid, vicious, man-eating cat in there with him.

Naruto: Since when did Temari get a cat?

Gaara: Since last week. I swear to God that beast was sent from the deepest pit of hell, just to make my life miserable.

Naruto: Ha, what's its name?

Gaara: Shikaku...Kankuro wanted to name it Marshmallow.

Naruto: Please come.

Gaara: No.

Naruto: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-

Gaara: Shut up, I said no.

Naruto: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-

Gaara: Shut the hell up!

Naruto: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-

Gaara: Fine! I'll come, just please shut up.

Naruto: Really!

Gaara: Shut up, and yes really.

~After school, teacher's meeting~

Orochimaru's POV

Orochimaru: Alright everyone shut up and pay attention.

Asuma: We're getting paid extra for this right?

Orochimaru: Don't be so...Ugh!

Kurenai: Asuma are you cheating on me!

Asuma: What! No!

Orochimaru: People this really isn't the place! We don't want to witness your 'friends with benefits' relationship fall apart.

Deidara: No, wait. I want to hear this, and then write about it in my diary.

Sasori: Deidara you're such a fag.

Deidara: And aren't you glad, sexy? *Wink*

Sasori: *Blush* W-w-w-what are you saying?

Deidara: Let's go on a date, and we can talk about the wonders of art.

Might Gai: Such Youth!

Orochimaru: Would you people please keep your hormones under control! I swear to God, you're worse than the teenagers! Except Sasuke, he's perfect. Anyway, we are here to discuss who we should hire for the grade eleven sex talk next week.

Kakashi: We usually don't have the sex talk 'til March... Why are we having it next week?

Orochimaru: Who wants to explain to stupid Kakashi why we're having the sex talk in September?

Gai: Oh, I will!

Orochimaru: Alright, go.

Gai: You see Kakashi, spring is the season for mating, and giving the sex talk to a bunch of hormonal teenagers wasn't the best idea. Furthermore, we would hire hot woman, it was pretty funny watching all the boys trying to hold in their nose bleeds, however it came at a price. Unable to handle their youthful bodies sexual needs, they would do anything to get release, and it wasn't just the boys either. They were out of control, humping water fountains, trading masturbation techniques like Pokémon cards, and the girls were setting up blow job booths. We wouldn't have cared so much except for the fact that the janitor said he was getting so sick of cleaning up sperm; he was going to quit if it wasn't taken care of. So this is why we are going to have it in September, when all the students are feeling depressed, and not horny.

Kakashi: I've work here for years and I've never noticed this behaviour.

Orochimaru: That's because you're too into those perverted books of yours. Deidara! Sasori! Could you two stop making out for like half a second and pay attention! Kabuto! I know you're a gay too, but do you really have to join in and make it a threesome! Nobody wants to see that!

Hidan: Umm...I kind of want to see it.

Orochimaru: Oh shut up...Now who has an idea of who we should hire for the sex talk this year?

Kakashi: I have a friend named Ibiki, I'm sure he would do it for a reasonable price.

Orochimaru: Good, make sure he can make it for next week. Alright you reptiles, this meeting is over, now slither!

*.* the review button looks very alluring, doesn't it.