Title: Humor of the Situation

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Rating: R [candid mention of sexual situations]

Summary: "I expected it to be dirtier."

Pairing: Draco/Ron

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, and I'm sure J.K. Rowling would gouge out my eyes if she ever knew I'd done this. So don't tell on me and I won't charge you to read it.

Distribution: List archives, anyone already archiving my fic, anyone who asks nicely, my site at .net/wilde

Notes: Lyrics come from the song "I Know" by Save Ferris featured on the Æ10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack. I gave myself a random lyric challenge by hitting my iTunes on random and picking the first song that played. Very quick little jump-starter for my brain written and edited in about an hour.

Completed: November 27, 2004

~My momma said to stay away

From guys like you

Stay away from bad boys

They've got one thing on their minds~

I expected it to be dirtier. Somehow I expected hot, thoughtless sex and no ties and things generally being a lot easier. When Draco Malfoy grabs you and kisses you, I don't think it's entirely unfair to expect something sort of seedy.

Whatever I expected, it certainly wasn't to find flowers by my bed the next day. Nice flowers, too. I didn't expect oddly shy glances from across the great hall. I didn't expect him to blush and ask softly if I wanted to see him again when we finally spoke again the next afternoon. If he hadn't sounded so sincere, I might've actually laughed. Somehow I don't think that would've gone over well.

To be honest, before Draco decided to get all brave in those few moments alone after Dumbledore's meeting with the prefects, I most likely never would have even thought of his sex life. Once I did, I realized how odd a fleeting kiss and a hasty retreat seemed. It was Malfoy for crying out loud! Had he hit me, I could've understood it completely. The kiss threw me for a loop.

The general demeanor of sincere hesitance he exuded every time we spoke for the next week also threw me. We didn't kiss again until I finally got tired of waiting and planted one on him between classes. Let me tell you something, a flustered, startled Draco is one of the most adorable things you'll ever see. The tips of his ears turn red and his eyes get really wide.

Getting him to bed turned out to be even more of a challenge. Once again I got to be the initiator. That worried me because I sort of like bottoming, thanks very much, and it would've put a damper on things if he was too timid to top. Turns out the motor just needs a little warming. Once I got him going, Draco talked and did dirtier things than most soldiers on leave would ever think of. I was reassured immediately.

Even Harry and Hermione didn't take it all that badly. They complained for awhile and looked at me as if I had cooties anytime I can within a dozen paces of them, but eventually they noticed that I hadn't dumped him. With things going so swimmingly, my friends had no choice but to buck up and just let me do what I wanted. Not without grumbling, of course, but I promised they wouldn't have to be nice to Malfoy and they all seemed alright with it. So did Draco. Apparently he can swallow his distaste for me well enough to spend a significant portion of his free time sucking me off but he can't tolerate five minutes with Harry and Hermione. Suits everyone alright, so I'm not going to complain.

Hermione asked me once if I really saw a "future" with Draco. I can't say I've considered having that with anyone. I'm relatively young and fun and fancy free and all that. It's a bit soon to tie down. Then again, I catch myself every now and again watching Draco sleep and getting all doe-eyed when he smiles at me. So maybe there's more to it than all that after all.