"So you see, the Yeti is actually quite different from Bigfoot," Dean explained as he deftly maneuvered their rental car along the dark, curvy road.
"Okay, okay, I get that, but where does Sasquatch fit in then?" Roman asked.
"Seriously, Ro?" Seth cut in from the backseat. "You're really gonna egg him on? Don't you think we've heard enough about mythical creatures for one night?"
"And what would you have us talk about?" Roman countered.
"He probably thinks we should go over strategy for our match with the Wyatts for the hundredth time," Dean said, smiling knowingly at Seth in the rear-view mirror.
"Whatever," Seth huffed good-naturedly. "You two just go ahead and continue your fascinating discussion on the finer differences between the Yeti, Bigfoot, and Sasquatch. I'm gonna listen to some music." He unzipped his backpack, pulled out his headphones, and placed them over his ears. He nodded to the music as outside his window a blur of dark, dense trees sped by on either side of the narrow road. His eyelids were just starting to flutter closed when a large sign caught his attention.
Gas next exit, it declared. Next gas station 80 miles.
Seth quickly pulled his headphones down, leaving them to hang around his neck. "Hey guys," he interrupted. "Let's stop to get some gas."
Dean glanced down at the fuel gauge. "We've got plenty of gas."
"Yeah, but we're not going to have another chance for eighty miles," Seth explained. "If we fill up now, we won't have to stop again until we get to the hotel."
"We just stopped thirty minutes ago," Roman said, twisting to look accusingly at Seth.
"Cut me some slack. I had to pee."
"Well, if you didn't drink a gallon of water a day…"
"It's not a gallon. It's only—" Seth began to explain.
"Everyone relax," Dean said, cutting short the well-worn argument over Seth's finicky eating and drinking habits. "We have plenty of gas. We'll just get a few more miles down the road and then stop at the next station."
Roman nodded in agreement.
"Fine," Seth grumbled. "But just know that if we run out of gas, it's gonna be you two idiots pushing the car to the next station, not me."
Dean and Roman exchanged worried glances as the fuel gauge edged closer and closer to empty.
"You know if we run out of gas, he'll never let us hear the end of it," Roman whispered, trying not to wake Seth who was dozing in the backseat.
"Um hmm," Dean answered distractedly, scanning the horizon for any sign of an upcoming town. Suddenly his eyes lit up. Exit 281, 1 mile, a sign boldly proclaimed.
"Thank goodness," Roman muttered under his breath as he too read the sign.
"Hey, worrywart," Dean called to Seth as he flicked on his blinker. "Wake up. We made it."
Seth sat up and blinked his eyes blearily. "We're already at the hotel?" he asked, looking expectantly out the dark window.
"No, we're still thirty miles from the hotel. We're just stopping to fill up the car," Roman explained helpfully. Then with a sly grin he added, "We thought you might need a bathroom break."
Seth furrowed his brows in mock irritation and looked around the backseat for something he could throw at Roman's smirking face. Finding nothing, he settled for a rude hand gesture instead. Roman chuckled deeply and soon both Seth and Dean had joined him, laughing as much from exhaustion as anything else.
Their laughter took on a nervous tinge, though, as Dean again turned on his blinker. No familiar fast food restaurants or illuminated gas station signs greeted them as they turned into the small town. A few dilapidated buildings stood on either side of the two lane road, their windows dark.
"Are you sure we were supposed to turn this way?" Roman asked as Dean drove slowly down the dark street.
"The sign said the gas station was to the right," Seth answered uncertainly.
"Uh oh," Dean said softly as he spotted the gas station in the distance. Like all the other buildings, the gas station was dark, with boards covering several of the windows.
"Maybe we'll still be able to get gas?" Seth said hopefully as they pulled into the parking lot.
As Dean eased the car beside the pump, all three could see the plastic bag covering the nozzle. Seth silently unbuckled his seat belt and shifted to the middle to find out what his two brothers already knew from their vantage point in the front: the nozzle of the only other gas pump at the station was covered with a plastic bag as well.
The three sat in silence for several seconds as they pondered their predicament.
"Do we have enough gas left in the tank to get to the hotel?" Seth asked, finally breaking the silence.
Dean eyed the gas gauge, the indicator resting stubbornly on the empty line. "No."
"Maybe there's another gas station a little farther down the road?" Roman suggested. "After all, the sign said there was gas at this exit."
"Let me just call AAA, and have them bring us enough gas to get us to the hotel," Seth said.
"That will take too long," Dean complained. "Besides, we're gonna look pretty stupid if they bring us gas and there's another gas station a half mile down the road."
"I'd rather look stupid here than out there," Seth remarked, looking dubiously down the dark street.
"Come on. Where's your sense of adventure?" Dean asked, turning to smile wickedly at Seth.
"Yeah, you scared?" Roman asked with a grin.
Seth tore his eyes away from the window to meet Dean's mischievous gaze. "Fine," he sighed as he re-buckled his seat belt. "Let's go. I'll just call AAA when we run out of gas a mile from here."
As it turned out, Seth was overly optimistic with his prediction. The car only made it three quarters of a mile before it sputtered to a stop on the edge of the dark, forest-lined street.
Roman groaned as he leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. "Okay. Now you can call AAA."
Seth quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket. By the glow of the screen, Dean and Roman could clearly see when Seth's expression switched from smug to concerned. "I don't have any service," he said quietly.
"Dammit. Neither do I," Roman said, looking disdainfully at his phone's screen. Neither Roman nor Seth asked Dean to check his phone. It had been the victim of an unfortunate drowning incident in a hotel pool a couple of days earlier, and Dean had yet to replace it.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to walk back toward town until I get a signal," Seth said resignedly, unbuckling his seat belt and opening the door. "Pop the trunk, will ya?"
"Why?" Dean asked as he pulled the lever.
"Because I need to get a flashlight out of the emergency kit," Seth explained.
"We have an emergency kit?" Dean asked.
Seth rearranged the bags in the trunk until he found the emergency kit. He unzipped the bag and quickly located the flashlight among the jumper cables, first aid kit, duct tape, and other emergency supplies. He shifted the bags back into place and closed the trunk firmly. He walked back around the car and peered into the front seat. "You two just stay here," he instructed firmly.
As Seth set off down the road, his flashlight in one hand, his cell phone in the other, he reflected that things could really be much worse. The night was warm and clear with a bright moon shining overhead. The ground was a bit soggy, and his shoes were going to be muddy, but at least it wasn't raining, and they were only a couple of miles from the main road. Everything was going to be fine.
After a short time, Seth became aware of the sound of furtive footsteps behind him. He took a few more steps, then whirled around, the beam of his flashlight stopping when it found Dean, half-crouched, ready to spring. "Don't even think about it," Seth said mildly.
Dean straightened from his crouch and blinked in the sudden glare of the flashlight. "I just thought you could use a little company," he explained innocently.
Seth rolled his eyes, then gestured for Dean to join him. The two had been walking down the road for several minutes, chatting companionably, when something suddenly grabbed them by the back of their shirts. "Arghh!" Seth screamed as his cell phone and flashlight flew into the air. He lifted his arm, ready to jam his elbow into whatever or whoever was behind him when he heard Roman laughing.
"You two screamed like little girls," Roman howled as he released their t-shirts.
Seth turned and glared at his older brother. "I'm going to get you back for that," he warned menacingly. "You won't know when and you won't know where, but it's coming."
Roman responded by merely laughing harder and wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Oh, shut up, and help me find my cell phone," Seth grumbled as he straightened his shirt.
Dean picked up the fallen flashlight and began sweeping the beam over the muddy ground.
"Here it is," Seth announced, quickly locating his phone only a foot from where he was standing. He picked it up and wiped the mud off on his shorts. "Let's go," he said, motioning for the others to follow him. Dean, however, stood transfixed several yards away.
"Guys, look at this," he said, his voice low and reverential. Seth and Roman walked over to where Dean was standing and looked at the spot highlighted by Dean's flashlight. There, on the ground, were several gigantic footprints.
"They lead into the woods," Dean whispered, sweeping the flashlight over the trail of footprints. "We have to follow them."
"Uh uh. No way. Not gonna happen," Seth said, scrambling back toward the road.
"Come on, man. We could be on the verge of a major scientific breakthrough here. These could be Bigfoot's footprints. We'd be crazy not to follow them."
"No, you've got that backwards," Seth disagreed. "What would be crazy is following something big enough to make those footprints into a dark forest in the middle of the night without any planning or supplies."
"Well, I'm going," Dean said stubbornly.
Seth looked toward Roman for help. "Ro, surely you're not on board for this?"
Roman evaluated the stubborn set of Dean's shoulders and the obstinate look on his face. He knew a lost cause when he saw one. "We can't really let him go in there alone, can we?" Roman answered, appealing to Seth's sense of loyalty and natural protectiveness.
An obstinate look came over Seth's face as well. He wanted to say that yes, he could let him go by himself and good riddance, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. After only a few seconds of hesitation, Seth shook his head. "No." He sighed heavily as he shoved his phone into his pocket and fell into line behind Roman and Dean.
The light from the moon disappeared as they entered the dense forest. Dean kept the flashlight beam trained carefully on the ground in front of them, trying to follow the trail of sporadic footprints as they picked their way around various bushes, trees, and fallen logs.
"I can't believe we're out here, in the middle of the night, looking for a Yeti," Seth muttered darkly after tripping over a stick and narrowly regaining his balance before careening into Roman.
"Bigfoot, not Yeti," Dean corrected automatically.
Suddenly, Seth felt something crawling over his shoe. He kicked his foot, accidentally sending an unsuspecting lizard into the air, losing his balance, and falling headlong into a wild blackberry bush. After recovering somewhat from the shock of the fall, Seth took stock and noted that while he was all scratched up, no bones seemed to be broken.
"You okay, Seth?" Seth heard Roman ask, concern and amusement warring for dominance in his voice, as Dean grumbled indistinctly in the background. Apparently, the lizard had hit him in the face during its impromptu midnight flight.
"Yeah," Seth answered, struggling to sit up. "But I'm stuck." The thorns from the blackberry bush had grabbed hold of his shirt and shorts in several locations. "Hey, shine the flashlight over here so I can see to get loose," Seth ordered.
Dean held the flashlight as Seth began the tedious process of untangling himself from the bush's grip.
"Can't you do that any faster?" Dean griped.
"Not if I don't want to end up with a shirt full of holes," Seth responded.
Seth went back to work, only barely registering Dean and Roman's conversation in the background as he concentrated fully on the task at hand. He was working to free himself from a particularly tenacious branch, when the light from the flashlight unexpectedly disappeared amid the sound of flurried movement.
"Very funny, guys," Seth said nervously as he blinked in the sudden darkness. "Guys?" He tried to calm his nerves as he listened carefully for any sign of his teammates. Aha! he could hear a slight rustling sound in the background. Probably Dean trying not to laugh as he hides in the bushes, Seth thought.
Determined not to let his brothers' latest prank get the best of him, Seth quietly pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and activated his flashlight app. He twisted his body around slowly and shined the light behind him, only to see something that was big, hairy, and startlingly close. Seth gulped as he took in the creature's flat face, broad shoulders, thick chest, and disproportionately long arms. Then too scared to even scream, he ripped away from the blackberry bush, no longer concerned about the preservation of his clothes, and ran blindly through the forest, unconsciously following the same path Dean and Roman had cleared only minutes before.
Within minutes, he burst out of the trees and spotted Dean and Roman panting a few yards from the forest's edge.
"You're alive!" Dean exclaimed, pulling Seth into a hug.
"Yeah, no thanks to you two jerks," Seth muttered, returning the hug.
Dean pulled away and looked Seth over, taking in his scratched face and arms, his ripped shirt, and his muddy shorts which still had bits of bush branches sticking to them. "It is a commonly accepted fact that when you are dealing with a dangerous mythical creature, it is every man for himself," he said solemnly.
"It's true," Roman agreed seriously.
Seth's mouth quirked in spite of himself.
Besides," Dean went on, "if you had seen what we saw, you wouldn't blame us for running."
"I did see what you saw," Seth replied.
"How?" Roman asked. "You couldn't have seen anything without a flashlight."
"Yeah, thanks for that too," Seth said, smiling wryly at Roman. "Leaving me alone, in the dark, with Bigfoot was just the cherry on the top of the awesome sundae that today has turned out to be. But luckily I had my cell phone in my pocket which just happens to have this handy dandy flashlight app." He turned on the flashlight to demonstrate.
"Well, we're just glad you're okay," Roman said, patting Seth on the back. "And if it makes you feel any better, we were about to go back to look for you."
"Wait a minute," Dean said, his eyes wide. "You had your cell phone out when you saw Bigfoot? Did you get a picture?"
"No, I didn't get a picture. I was too busy running for my life!"
"Let me get this straight," Dean said incredulously. "You were just feet away from Bigfoot, cell phone in hand, and you didn't get a picture?"
"Yep, that pretty much sums it up," Seth answered, and before Dean could say anything more, he turned around and started limping back toward the car. "I'm going to go lie down in the back seat now," he called out without looking back. "I am officially done for the night. I trust that you two geniuses will figure out a way to get us to the hotel."
The sun was just beginning to rise when Seth was finally able to sit down on the hotel bed, showered, bandaged, and freshly-clothed. He looked across the bed at Dean who was already sprawled on the other side. He had thought that after everything he had been through, that he might get a bed to himself, but according to Roman not even near-death experiences were enough to disturb the sanctity of their agreed upon sleeping arrangement. It was Roman's turn to sleep alone and as he said, "If we make an exception this time, then there's no telling what we'll make exceptions for next. It could throw our whole agreement into chaos."
"Yeah, next thing you know we'll be making exceptions for alien abductions," Seth had muttered, but he let the matter drop.
Seth yawned, exhausted. He arranged his pillows and slid thankfully under the covers.
"Seth?" Dean said sleepily, looking over at his brother.
"Yeah?" Seth answered, expecting an apology for not listening about stopping to get gas or for leaving him stranded in the woods or maybe even a thank you for not once saying 'I told you so' the whole evening. He looked at Dean and smiled encouragingly.
Dean shook his head sadly. "I still can't believe that you didn't get a picture."
The End
This silly, little story was inspired by Chris Jericho's podcast Talk Is Jericho - Episode 141 - Paranormal Dean Ambrose. Check it out if you are interested in hearing Dean discuss Bigfoot, aliens, ghosts, and Bray Wyatt and Bo Dallas's strange obsession with Ancient Aliens.
