UchiSays: It took me three days to write this story even though it's only six pages in word. Everytime I thought I was done I realized there was more that needed to be said. The set up of the story is kind of strange, there's two different stories being told the italics tells one story, but the rest is told from first person Harry POV.
There is a message in this story. Read to see if you can figure it out, then read my parting note.
Summary: Two stories about loves that existed before it's time. A prince falls in love with a noble boy. A top the tallest tower at Hogwarts, Harry reflects on what drove him and Draco to choose this way out. The world wasn't ready for them, so they're leaving.
UchiDedicates: For everyone who has ever been ridiculed, bullied, or otherwise discriminated against for their sexuality or for not being who Society wants them to be. We are all human. We all feel pain. Words can hurt more than actions. No one can handle everything thrown at them. Sometimes we have to find a way out... Actions speak louder than words, one kind gesture can be what keeps us holding on.
This is my gesture.
Also for Stephan and Adam, may your love last long.
Fractured Promises of Eternity
The room was crowed and filled with loud laughter and ceaseless chatter. So many people had squeezed into that one room the constant press of bodies had became almost suffocating. It's hard to breath within the claustrophobic confines of the room and so in a dizzied daze the young man excused himself from the party and made a hasty retreat to the balcony where the nighttime promised him fresh air. Laurence really hated these things.
Standing on the balcony was peaceful and much more enjoyable than the ongoing soiree back inside the building. He couldn't believe he'd let his father drag him to another one of these things. Laurence hated socializing, but his father had told him he had no choice since it was expected of a young man at Court. That's all well and fine, except Laurence had never wanted to come to Court. More than socializing, he absolutely hated the royals and nobles at the King's Court and if left up to him, Laurence would have stayed back at the manor while his father and mother traveled to Court without him. But again, he had certain expectations to live up to as the only heir to a noble family.
"Excuse me," a voice pulled Laurence from his thoughts, "mind if I join you?" Laurence looked up into a pair of smoldering silver eyes and his breath went right out of him.
It was one of those forgotten hours of the morning that belonged only to nature, for any human in their right mind would still be in bed dreading the start of the day. It was a peaceable time with only the birds chirping and the squirrels twittering breaking the silence. Only at this hour did the world truly belong to nature. Only this early in the morning was it completely untouched by human existence. Only at this moment was the world truly pure.
We stood a top the highest point of the school taking in the purity that would soon be tainted. Try as we might, we could not absorb the purity into ourselves. In the world of human emotion, nothing pure can stay. Yet we still try to grasp a hold, one handful, of this time where our existence does not matter, where who we are is not important, where we are just watchers of a world not out own, yet at the same time we are accepted for being there as long as we touch and taint nothing.
We stood together as we always wanted to be. As we always should be. He and I side by side. Together.
Even the air is purer at this hour. It touches us. Caresses our skin. Fills our lungs. Flutters our hair. Holds us in its welcoming arms. The light zephyrs seemed to greet us with no words. They tell us we are welcomed without speaking. They promise us that we are making the right choice with no sound. Surrounding us and filling us, the wind whispers to us assurance.
Yet we still hesitate.
Life at the King's Court had taken an unexpected turn for the better after Nathaniel had met the boy Laurence at one of the many social soirees he had been required to attend. The two of them had really hit it off after spending a bit of time together on the balcony that night. Laurence was nice young man, very easily excited, and spoke with such passion about things that interested him. His brilliant green eyes burned with a fire that captured Nathaniel's attention and never let it go.
After the first night, they had searched each other out at the next social gathering they'd both been forced to attend and had spent the evening chatting with each other. There was something about Laurence that intrigued Nathaniel and made him want to be spend forever in his company listening to him speak of whatever he wanted to. It wasn't long after that they began to hang out around Court outside of social events. Though it was new, they had built a strong friendship, and they had built it faster than Nathaniel had ever before.
"Nate!" The very person Nathaniel had just been thinking about came bounding around the corner and rushing in his direction. "Guess what! The King has asked my father on a task and father does not believe I'm ready to help him with it, so he's leaving me here at Court while he goes off to complete it. Isn't that great! Now we have longer to spend with each other."
Nathaniel was dazed by the unabashed joy Laurence allowed to show on his face. The young man had such a childlike exuberance about him. Only he could smile so happily. Only his eyes could sparkle so brightly with excitement. It made Nathaniel yearn to be able to show the same emotions, but he'd never be able to since the Prince was to always maintain a certain image.
How we came to be here is a story I'd rather not tell. Yet it's a story that needs to be told.
Who decided what is right and wrong? Who made up the rules of what is acceptable and what is not? And what did they have against me? What did they have against the both of us? Why must we be outcast? Why must we suffer prejudice and scorn? Tell me, what is so wrong with us loving one another? Does the fact that we are both males make our love any less real than anyone else's? Because he is a boy and so am I, does that make our feelings less important, less meaningful?
How can Society take something as joyous and pure as true love and paint it into something so vile, disgusting, repulsive, and disgraceful. Our love burns as strong and bright as any other does. Why are we ostracized?
Draco takes my hand in his and squeezes it. He looks into my eyes and I can no longer find the joy and happiness that had once been housed within his. All that remains in those stormy grey depths is a deep sadness that grips my heart and tears apart any remaining vision of a fairy tale ending. I curse Society for taking away his happiness. How dare they destroy his beauty and taint this begotten angel with their sin. I want to hold him in my arms and whisper in his ear that everything will be ok.
But I must not tell lies.
Draco tries to smile, but it's such a weak and sad gesture it only brings me more pain. My Draco, who has always been so strong, who has always had strength enough for the both of us, who has always been a pillar for me to lean on, who has always held it together when I fell apart, my Draco who loves me as much as I love him, they have broken him. They have broken me.
They tried, but they never were or ever will be able, to break us. Intolerance, prejudice, discrimination. We have witnessed Society at its ugliest. We have been beaten, cursed, and rejected. We have been feared, hated, and humiliated. And we never broke under the pressure. Through it all we have remained loyal to the only purity left in the world, each other. Without him I would die. Without me he would cease to exist. We are held together by a bond that transcends the binds of Society, humiliation, and taint. We have each other and need no one else.
So why have we come here?
Neither of them was sure how it had come to this, but they knew it was right. The first kiss had been an accident that neither could explain and both could have denied. But there was no denying this kiss or these feelings that were burning within them. There was so much passion, lust, and something else unnamed. There was a hunger and a thirst. There was both want and need. But most importantly, there was their lips being pressed so heatedly together.
Everything else ceased to exist as their mouths moved together. Shy movements of the lips, melted into hesitant explorations of the tongues, transitioned into the abandonment of all inhibitions and greedy pleas for more. Nathaniel's arms wrapped around Laurence's waist and pulled the smaller boy closer to him. Laurence entwined his arms around Nathaniel's neck and refused to let go.
Neither of them thought about what would happen once the moment was over. Neither of them knew what any of this would mean. It all just felt so right, as if this was the way it had always meant to be.
There are always risks involved when giving away your heart. But if the love is true the risks are worth the taking.
We made each other so happy. It was like we were only half of ourselves before, but once we were together we were complete. I had never known true joy before Draco. He is my happiness. He is my light. Without him there as only depression and darkness. But with him at my side, only then do I know true bliss.
I had thought that would be enough. I had thought once everyone saw how truly happy we were then they wouldn't care about the technicalities. Had I not sacrificed enough to deserve to be happy? But no. Our love that was so pure and right to us was greeted with only hate and disgust by Society. One handful of happiness denied.
It's not like we chose to be this way. I tried so hard to be different. I denied myself for years. I tried dating girls. I tried pretending it was just a phase. I was in a constant state of confusion. I shed both tears and blood over this, until I finally realized that nothing I could to could change who I am. I hated myself. I fell into shame, despair, and desperation. I knew no one would accept this side of me. I knew- but then I loved.
More than anything else, I wanted to be loved. I was the child that no one wanted. I had never known love until he came. He loved me like no other would. He wanted me like no one else did. I needed him. I was greedy for love. I took and took from him. And he gave and gave again. He loves me. And I love him.
I love him so much. Words cannot begin to explain. The brain cannot attempt to fathom. How could something so all consuming, something that makes me feel so good, be so wrong- said the druggy about his addiction.
Addiction. Draco is my addiction. One heated look is enough to send adrenaline rushing through my veins. One smile sets my heart pumping so fast it leaves me breathless. One kiss and I am ready to take the plunge into oblivion. Sweet sin on his lips. Galaxies created in his eyes. I begin and end with him. His words: music to ears that have never heard sound. His touch: food to the starving man. He is all I will ever need.
Without him life has no meaning.
But who would want a life that treats us like this. And that's what brought us here.
"No regrets, Harry?"
This was so right. It seemed a sin to keep this a secret. Nathaniel wanted to shout it from the roof tops. He wanted songs composed about it. He wanted to spread the news to all corners of his kingdom.
He had found love.
He had found the other half of his soul.
He had found the only thing in the world worth living for.
Nathaniel set up in the bed where he and Laurence had just made love and looked down at the other boy. They were in Laurence's room and the noble boy was fast asleep.
Laurence looked like an angel at rest. His thick curly black eyelashes rested against his lightly tanned cheek. His rose colored cupid bow's lips were slightly parted in his sleep. His chest rose and fell with every breath he took. He seemed so small and fragile, but he was really much stronger and tougher. He was beautiful.
"Hey Laurence your father- my word." The squire had entered the room without knocking and now stood staring at the bed where Nathaniel and his love lay in complete shock. Before Nathaniel could say anything, the boy turned and rushed out of the room.
Somewhere along the lines it had gotten to be too much for us.
Everyday was another battle. Everyday they attempted to beat us into submission. I had thought at least to have Ron and Hermione on my side, but even they hated us. Draco's family had disowned him as soon as word got out. Even Dumbledore seemed to look down his nose at me, though from him it seemed more out of sympathy and understanding.
Every morning we woke up and donned armor before heading out into the battlefield that was our school. We walked through taunts, curses, and sneers. We fought classmates, teachers, and friends. We pretended that none of it touched us. We are rubber, they are glue. Whatever they say bounced off us and stuck to them. Childish. But we had to hold on to something.
But no matter what we told ourselves, there was no way sticks and stones hurt more that the words thrown at us, I can say that from experiencing both. Fag. Pounce. Pouf. Fairy. Unnatural. Disgusting. Sin. Abomination. And these words were coming from people we used to call friends.
I was foolish to think that people would respect our happiness. I was delusional. I was a child living in a world where the moon was made of cheese and the stars were wishes waiting to come true.
I wished we lived in a different place. In a different time. Somewhere that it was ok for us to love each other. I wished I could go out in public holding Draco's hand without fear of how people will respond. I wish that we could show our love without fear of rejection by Society. Most of all I wish for the fire to return to Draco's eyes. I wish for him to smile again. I'd give anything for that to happen.
I give my own feeble attempt at a smile. "No regrets."
Laurence didn't understand why it was such a big issue. He didn't understand his father's look of disgust and why he'd said Laurence was no longer a son of his. He didn't understand his mother's look of disappointment and why she kept asking where had she gone wrong. He didn't understand why he was being charged with treason before the king.
All he had done was love. He had loved with more passion, with more true emotion, than anyone in existence. He had burned with his love. It had consumed him. It had been so right.
Was it because it was the Prince that he had fallen in love with? Was that why people were being this way towards him. He hadn't chosen to fall in love with the Prince. To him it wasn't even the Prince at all he loved. It was Nathaniel. Nathaniel who was so strong and brave and valiant and caring and beautiful and attentive and chivalrous and intelligent. It was Nathaniel he loved with all his heart. Not the prince. So why was he locked in a cell awaiting his own execution? And why wouldn't they let him see Nathaniel.
Oh, Nathaniel. They had promised each other eternity.
Why was eternity to end so soon.
Maybe we were wrong to think this was our only way out, but a better alternative had yet to make itself known.
Draco places a kiss upon my lips and I drink in all that is him. I run my fingers through his soft hair; I will miss being able to touch it. His arms wrap around me and press me against his body; something else I will miss. "I love you, Harry, love you so much." Those words will be missed the most.
His head falls onto my shoulder and he inhales deeply as if trying to breathe me in so that I will always be a part of him. I clench my fingers into his back and pray he'd never let me go. The sun is pushing at the horizon and soon the castle will come to life and taint our pure morning with their hate and scorn. We were to be gone by then. I love Draco so much I would sail to the end of the earths and plunge off the universe for him, or at the very least off the top of this tower.
I was scared.
There was only so much we could take. We are humans. We have emotions. We feel pain. No matter how unnatural and disgusting we are, we are still human. We'd been pushed to the edge. We'd been bent so far it was time to break. In each other's arms nothing else mattered, but eventually life would catch up with us. We could take no more.
He took away my fear.
Nathaniel ran into his father's meeting room with a wild grief in his eyes. "I will not let you do this!"
"What are you talking about, son?"
"I will not let you kill him! I love him."
"You are confused!"
"I love him!"
"He seduced you. He messed with your mind. You do not love him."
"I love him and the day I let you kill him is the day I end my life."
Do me a favor. Take a moment and think. Think about where we are. Think about how words and actions has driven us here. We are alive. We live. We breath. We smile. We laugh. We cry. We bleed. We love. Why is it so wrong for us to love? Why is it 'love thy neighbor' does not apply to us. Everyone in the world is unique, yet Society tries to press us all into a mold of what it likes. We do not all fit into that mold. Why must we be hated because we dare to be different, dare to stand out, dare to be ourselves.
Forgive us for not being clones. Forgive us not conforming. Forgive us for having our own thoughts and feelings and for not choosing to do what was expected of us. Forgive us for choosing this way out.
What did they think would happen?
They hated us. They made us feel less than human. They treated us like shite. What did they expect us to do? Did they think they could make us change? Did they think they could make us stop loving each other? Were we to wake up one day decide it was all a joke or a phase and laugh as if it meant nothing? Were we to go to Homosexual Anonymous meetings and sit around trying to "cure" who we are? Were we to pretend?
I must not tell lies, remember.
They made this our only escape. They thought they could tear us apart. They thought they could kill this "sin" within us. A life without Draco is no life at all. I would whether die in his arms than to live without him.
"I love you, too, Draco."
We had promised each other eternity.
Storm clouds came and the heavens drenched the land in tears, mourning the loss of a love that would never have the chance to grow.
A tale like ours doesn't get songs, or stories, or movies made about it. We get a brief spot on the front page of the newspaper. We get sympathy. We get remorse. Then we get forgotten. We are just two more teens that ended their lives. We are just two more lovers fighting an age old battle for a love that existed before it's time.
We had existed before our time.
Parting Note: Please understand that I am in no way promoting suicide. While I was writing this story I nearly cried multiple times because I realized I wasn't making this up, this is really happening to people out there and it breaks my heart. This is my attempt to promote understanding and tolerance and to show my support for everyone who chooses to be themselves and not fit into Society's mold. It really hurts my heart to realize how cruel people are. Take for example this year on The Day of Silence (a event promoting GBL rights and to prompt tolerance for all sexualities within society by being silent for those forced to be) a large group of my friends (including myself) participated and we were repulsed by the number of people freaking out because they "accidentally" wore red that day and by the number of comments shot towards us (thought he wolf-whistles were entertaining). My math teacher put it correctly: you don't have to be gay to be tolerant. Just because someone isn't just like you does not mean they don't deserve to be treated as equals. What I learned that day is that people are ignorant and bigoted and they carelessly hurt people with their actions and words. I thank god that there are enough accepting people around to take from the pain, but a lot of my friends aren't exactly hetero and I don't know what I would ever do if they ever got driven to this point. What I'm trying to say is people are who they are, you can't change them so change your attitude.
~Itami
