AN: I messed up and made two versions and this happens to be version one. I'll post version two later on this week. I really like doing this so you might see something from Himori Akiyama soon as well.
I woke up today feeling, off. It was the first night I had let Akiyama stay the night. I swear he is worse than me in this. We have never been on a date. He has never stayed the night, like we have always left for our own homes after the sex. It's almost sad to think about.
I am positive I am gay, but I happen to not care much about the people beyond sex. My only desire is Misaki, but he is off chasing strains. He is the only person I would want to have a conversation with, not that him screaming at me is as much fun as seeing him smile. Last time I saw him he blushed when he saw me and didn't even try to charge me. That is how I decided my meter was low and why my bed is now actually being used for two.
When I look down and see Akiyama curled up beside me is what makes me sad. I want Misaki so badly that I wont bring myself to appreciate the cutie I have been fucking for about a year now. I haven't had sex with anyone other than him since we started because well, he was pretty good, but I he knows I wouldn't say no if Misaki asked me to take his virginity.
When I stroke his hair like I do now it is so cute, but not what I want. I like him he is fun. He is more what I want then the girls I have been with. He can actually get me hard all by himself, which I keep secret and say it's my imagination that makes up for his inability to. The inability the girls I have been with had.
The girls at Kasunagi's bar were so drunk and loud it was barely worth the effort to wear the condom I always wear, or even take off my clothes for that matter. They weren't what I wanted and just so I could get hard enough to bang them I had to imagine Misaki doing the stuff they were doing. I guess I really am disgusting, but in bed is one of the only places I can feel anything besides sorrow.
Nothing is really important besides Misaki. Everything I do seems to be for, or have something to do with him. My relationships don't exist outside a bedroom, even the one that was supposed to have. The only reason I even started hooking up with people was to see if Misaki would notice or I'd be able to get past him, and when neither happened I just continued the perverse habit.
I have laid down with a few girls, and a lot more guys. The girls were a mistake because I had to work to damn hard to get myself excited, and then I realized I wasn't ever checking out girls, but dudes. A bit pathetic it took two hook ups with extreme issues getting perky for me to realize that it wasn't really an exception I liked a guy.
First guy was a one night stand and with a normal memory I'd have forgotten his damn name. Tch, whatever he was okay. My lover, no not the right word. My fuck buddy has been doing a good job being here for my use, but he isn't what I want. He will never be Misaki but a mere substitute for what I can't have. My penis may crave his ass, but he isn't the stupid red head I want. I am not Homosexual. I am but no means near heterosexual. I am Misaki-sexual®, and will probably never stop being just that.
Author's Note: I claim tittle of Misaki-sexual® until you see a comic on tumblr from Drazzy and then do with it what you will. I do not claim K, but if you use Misaki-sexual I get credit for it because I am a jerk.
Thanks for reading! And thank you for reviewing(Hint, hint. wink, Wink. Nudge, nudge).
