Living in Regret
Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from my OCs. Everything belongs to the amazing J.R.R Tolkein :)
Note: So. Hey. Yeah. I've not been very active, have I? XD I have a good reason, however. It's exam season. Is there any more I need to say? The amount of stress I've been put under recently is unreal, and I haven't been able to write/upload any chapters to my stories, which I am missing an unbelievable amount! D:
Nevertheless, I suddenly remembered that I had a story all planned out that I'd written three chapters for sometime last summer, and figured it'd do no harm to upload them and hopefully get some inspiration to finish it off and my other stories! And so, here is 'Living In Regret'.
I hope you enjoy!
Eleniel (the equivalent of a 16-year old human in this fic - Estel is 21), Daeron and Feredir are my OCs, along with anyone else you don't recognize. (See my profile if you would like to know more about them!)
The only time a goodbye is painful, is if you know you'll never say hello again.
Glorfindel eased himself onto Eleniel's bed, grimacing slightly, before turning to face the elleth down next to him.
There had been a report from a nearby village that orcs were continuously raiding and killing the people who lived there. The village was just outside of Rivendell, and the people had had nobody to turn to but the Lord Elrond. He had of course answered kindly and, taking almost all of the warriors in Rivendell, travelled to the village that morning to see what they could do to help. The twins were gone, Estel was gone, even Erestor was gone – the advisor was a very experienced warrior and the village needed everyone capable of fighting, it would seem. Feredir had gone with them also, as well as his son Daeron, and the only person who hadn't gone was Glorfindel, surprisingly. He had injured himself on his last patrol, falling over a hidden root in the ground and practically shattering his ankle. The stubborn elf had finally persuaded Elrond to allow him to get out of bed three days ago, the healer only just agreeing, and had been hobbling about the House with a white splint on his foot. Luckily for Elrond, but quite unluckily for his daughter, he conveniently had someone he could trust to look after his youngest child while he was away.
The balrog-slayer sighed as he looked at Eleniel, not missing the glint of unshed tears in the blue vastness of her eyes.
The elleth had begged her father to let her come, telling him she had been on countless patrols and knew exactly how to defend herself, but he had said no every time, slowly beginning to get angry. He had explained to her that she had been on four patrols to be exact, and had never been faced with a real enemy, so how could she know how to defend herself? To put it simply, she was not under any circumstances going with him, and that was final.
The elleth had replied in a horrible tone, screaming at her father that she hated him, and he had left with the both of them on bad terms, Eleniel completely refusing to say goodbye to him before he departed.
"Are you hungry?" Glorfindel asked.
Eleniel shook her head, staring up at the ceiling. She blinked, and tears rolled down her cheeks.
The blond warrior rose an eyebrow, and a concerned expression appeared on his face. "Are you sure? You have been in here all day and haven't eaten anything since this morning."
Eleniel turned her head the slightest bit to look out of the window, and saw that it was indeed almost dark, the sun slowly beginning to set and casting Rivendell in an orange glow. The warriors had left after breakfast, and she had run to her room straight after, slamming her door shut. She had not realized that the whole day had been spent in here. "I'm fine," she mumbled.
Glorfindel nodded, deciding not to press the matter. If she was hungry, she would eat – he was not going to force her. "I came to see you earlier, but you were asleep," he said.
"I was?"
"Mhm. I suppose you were tired from all that screaming."
Eleniel squeezed her eyes shut. "I do not want to talk about that."
"We do not have to."
The two stayed silent for another moment before the elleth sighed and turned to lay on her side. "I regret what I did," she said solemnly.
Glorfindel smiled faintly, patting the girl's shoulder. Ah. So she was already breaking. "I should hope so."
"I made Ada angry."
"How do you know?"
At this, Eleniel turned a disbelieving look on the balrog-slayer, and for the first time, in the darkness of the room, Glorfindel was met with red, almost blood-shot eyes, shining with unshed tears. "Would you not be mad after what I did?"
"No," Glorfindel said truthfully, and then lowered his voice, "only very, very upset. You have never told your Ada that you hate him before."
"I do not hate him."
"Then why did you say it?"
"Because!" Eleniel said exasperatedly, feeling tears well up in her eyes, "I was… I was angry."
"Why were you angry?"
"Ada would not let me come with him to the village."
"Do you know why that is?"
Eleniel scoffed. "He told me it was so you did not get into any trouble while he was gone."
Glorfindel rose both eyebrows at that, not able to contain the amused smile which briefly flitted across his face. "Trouble, indeed," he said. "I think it was because he loves his little girl far too much to see her fighting against such foul creatures as orcs."
The elleth remained silent as he continued. "Do you know what he would do if something happened to you? He would blame himself, because it would be him who let you join him in the first place. He would tear himself apart, and so would I. And your brothers, and Feredir, and Erestor, and absolutely everyone you know because we love you very much. Not letting you go to this village is the decision all of us would have come to had we been the ones to decide. It was not because he does not trust you, or he does not believe you can defend yourself. It is because he loves you endless amounts, and does not want you to get hurt. It was hard enough allowing your brothers to go with him, let alone his youngest daughter. He made you stay here because he knows the dangers of fighting with orcs, and he knows that there is always a possibility of dying when you are in battle, and believe it or not, that is the last thing any of us want!"
Eleniel's tears had begun falling at a faster rate now, running down her cheeks like a river, and sobs were escaping her lips every so often. She took a moment to absorb all of what Glorfindel said, and then sat up quickly, throwing herself into the warrior's arms. He held her tightly, grimacing when the force of her throw jarred his healing foot slightly from where it was resting on the floor.
"I feel so h-horrible!" the elleth sobbed, clinging onto the balrog-slayer's tunic as she lay curled up in a ball of guilt, and regret, and emotion on his lap.
"Why, little warrior?"
"Because I told Ada I hated him, and I didn't tell him, but I wished that he'd get really injured, and that was so awful of me, and I cannot believe I even dared to think like that, and- and what if that does happen? I didn't say goodbye to him, and he left thinking I h-hate him and he probably hates me too, and my brothers, and- and… oh Fin, I'm such a horrible d-daughter!"
"Calm yourself, El," the balrog-slayer said, rubbing the elleth's back, "he does not hate you, and neither do the twins or Estel. Your father knows exactly what the cause of your little… outburst was. He knows you do not hate him, and he knows that as soon as he gets home, he will most likely have an armful of Eleniel before he has even dismounted his horse, crying all sorts of apologies and asking for forgiveness."
Eleniel blushed, realizing that, for the most part, it was all true. She looked up at Glorfindel, the smallest hint of confusion shining in her eyes. "How does he know?"
"Because you are his beloved daughter," the warrior said as he leaned down to kiss her forehead, "and he knows you better than he knows himself."
The elleth smiled, unconsciously leaning more into Glorfindel's embrace as he continued to soothingly rub her back and stroke her hair, and she soon found herself lost in a dreamless sleep.
Elvish used:
Ada – Dad
I hope you enjoyed this! Please review, if you can :D
PS. I'll try write a chapter to 100GL this evening and hopefully get it up ASAP :) ~ Gre3nleaf
