I really REALLY need to stop writing new fanfictions... but... I'm keeping them in a nice rotation that makes sure none of them get left behind so here's ANOTHER new fanfiction by yours truly. Not co-authored. I'm not sure why I like this pairing but it's interesting to me and I wanted to take a shot writing it, even if no one else likes reading it. Anyways...
Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters, all rights go to Mondo Media.
People say I'm dangerous. They're definitely not wrong but I'm not completely heartless. Sure, I've hurt a lot of animals. Friends as they call themselves. I'm not afraid to say it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like to see them suffer. To see their blood splatter across the floor and walls. Okay, I guess I'm not being very convincing saying that I'm not heartless.
There is one animal I don't like to see suffer though. A green raccoon named Lifty. I came across the thief quite a few times, usually when he is trying to steal me. I can't explain why but every time he does, I just can't bring myself to kill him. He still dies but not by my hand. No, never by my own hand.
I don't know what this feeling is or why I care so much about such an incredibly fragile being but I just can't shake the feeling. Gosh, what am I becoming?
I sit perched on top of the slide in the middle of the playground. There must have been some kind of party or something because almost all of the tiny town of Happy Tree was gathered in the relatively small area.
Was, being the key word here as I look over my masterpiece. The purple beaver is wound up and crushed in the strings of the swing set. The pink chipmunk's decapitated body lays in the sandbox; I forgot where I left the head… even the green bear is impaled on the limb of a nearby tree. I'd go on but you seem to be enjoying this too much. Anyway, it was quite good work if I do say so myself.
No, what are they doing here? If this is a party, they clearly were not invited. No one in town would have invited them. Yet, there is the raccoon in question, being practically dragged along by his brother, both of them carrying a bag of something that must be stolen, not that I care about that.
"Come on, Lifty! We need to get going before the cops catch us." Yes, definitely stolen. The unimportant raccoon doesn't seem to even register the corpses all around him, which I guess wasn't all that surprising. After all, death is as common a place as something can get.
However, Lifty does notice, looking all around him. "Wow, what happened here?" he wonders but in more of a tone of curiosity than horror but I figured it was the best I could get in this town and that was better than nothing.
Unlike the animals in this town, I can leave and never have to come back but I don't. While it would be nice to get reactions of shock and horror instead of indifference and mere curiosity from everyone but that cowardly porcupine, this town had its appeal factor. Anywhere else, I would run out of victims very quickly. Here, I never will.
Lifty stops looking around and forces his brother to stop pulling him, looking directly at me with puppy-eyes and starts prodding his brother with his elbow who only looks at him annoyed and furious. "Shifty, gold!"
The other raccoon's expression instantly changes as he follows Lifty's gaze and looked at me the same way Lifty did which only make me internally growl. I can't do that externally anyways. "You're right, Lift! It's…"
I cut him right off there, noticing they were standing right underneath the monkey bars and dropping one side crushing the unimportant raccoon right there on the spot. I'd've let him suffer more but I didn't want Lifty to see that. He actually seems to care about his brother for reasons I don't understand.
Speaking of Lifty, he is shielding himself on the ground even though I made sure the bars broke at just the right spot to miss him entirely. Once he realizes that all of his bones are intact and his organs are where they're supposed to be, he stands up from his position on the ground. "Wow, I guess I…" Lifty cuts himself off with a scream when he spots his brother's corpse as if he's never seen the sight before. I've never actually seen it myself but I can only imagine he has.
He hung his head for a few seconds but sirens caught his attention and he grabbed both his and his brother's bags, luckily grabbing me as he left and taking me with him. I just gotta hope he can make it back to his home without dying or being caught.
Unfortunately, I can't really help him much with the former but one perfectly aimed disaster and… the police cruiser explodes and knowing the size of this town, there isn't anyone else on duty. Well, that solved one problem and oh do I love the smell of burning flesh.
Lifty puts on his signature grin but keeps running, not that I expect him not to. I really have to give him credit for how fast he can run. The only one that's faster is the town superhero and he doesn't count. Unfortunately, he isn't the most attentive while he was running when I heard the squealing of tires. I adjust my attention to find the blind man's car rushing down the sidewalk, coming directly towards Lifty. I would call out to him if I physically could but the fact is that I could not and that annoyed me more than anything.
I know I would be okay from the hit but Lifty… he's so fragile it's comparable to an over-rotten tomato, there's no way he'd stand a chance. Thinking quickly, I blew up the car the same way I did the police cruiser but, by the nature of the town, something still goes wrong as the busted engine goes flying and, of course, landed right on Lifty, crushing his skull.
I really shouldn't be surprised by that. It is Happy Tree after all but I wish this didn't have to be the way it is. For him obviously, everyone else could just keep dying. Or even better, being gravely injured.
I could teleport myself anywhere I wanted to. I didn't have to stay there on the sidewalk next to his corpse but that's where I wanted to stay for the night. I may have never died, I can't but I've been in this town long enough to know that he'll be back to life tomorrow morning wherever most of his body is and… for some reason, that's where I want to be when he does come back.
I spend that day and the night ahead the same way I spend every moment of my existence, hunting for victims. Unfortunately, almost everyone is dead by nighttime and the ones who usually survive tend to go to bed early. Nights are always incredibly boring and I don't sleep.
I cannot describe how long of a time it felt like before the damage repairs itself and Lifty stands up from the ground. He seems very relieved to find that I and the rest of the loot are still there. I guess it usually doesn't work out that way but I guess this was different because no one was able to get anywhere near.
Lifty picks back up the bags before grabbing me and holding me close to him, probably to keep from losing me but I can feel his body heat against me and… sorry, it's a bit hard to think straight right now. I really am becoming a mess. I probably sound completely ridiculous.
I was expecting Lifty to go back for his brother but he ran the opposite direction and didn't stop until he reached his apartment after heading up many flights of stairs but he didn't seem winded, not even a little.
Oh, the resilience.
Wait, what am I even saying?
"I can't believe I made it with all this stuff this time." Lifty laughed to himself, setting me and the bags of stuff on an overturned barrel that they seem to use as a table. "We almost never make it out with stuff like this. And that statue, if that's real gold, we'll never have to worry about money again!"
Of course I'm real gold. Solid gold at that. I can tell you're jealous. No need to worry though, I can make sure he doesn't sell me. It's a simple matter of killing anyone he tries to sell me to until I can get through the hard part, finding a way to get him to notice me as something more than gold.
As what… well… I have yet to actually figure that out but we both presumably have an eternity to figure out what that is.
So, how long did it take you to figure out it was the Cursed Idol? Until this sentence? That's sad if that's the case. That really is. Anyway, I know this pairing won't generate much enthusiasm but please review and flames are accepted and expected.
