A/N: These stories are all fan-fics, based on songs by many artists, such as Evanescence and Dashboard Confessional. The stories are rated R for many reasons. Not necessarily for sexual content, but for language, violence, suicide, drugs, cutting, and many other dark things. I promise that these stories are no reflection of my feelings or actions, just results of a sick mind.
Disclaimer: If I owned this song or these characters, life would be sweet, but it is not, so I do not. ONLY POSTING THIS ONCE
"Tourniquet," by Evanescence
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The blade dug deep into the tanned arm of Hogwarts' golden girl, Hermione Granger, giving her a rush of relief, something that she had come to depend on in the past few weeks. Her life had come to be so miserable that she resorted to cutting.
'Better that than drugs,' she thought miserably, watching blood trickle down her arm. The stream of crimson liquid fascinated her. It carried her pain away, yet only for a little while.
'I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more...'
In about twenty minutes, she knew the cut would start to sting, hurting her more and more with each passing moment. She saw this part as her punishment for being such a lowlife, such a foul, dirty person. She wasn't worth anything.
'Don't let him convince you into thinking that,' a small voice whispered in the back of her head. She sighed heavily, wondering what happened to her life.
She knew that somehow, in some sadistic way, it led back to Draco Malfoy, the epitome of a beautiful, intelligent, bad boy. She fell into his snare, his evil trap.
'So much more...'
He had started at the beginning of seventh, when they began to share the Head dormitories. He slowly warmed up to her, and swept her off her feet.
As painful as the memories were, she couldn't stop them from coming. Her therapy for this was to curl herself into a ball on the floor. Knowing her luck, she would throw up like she normally did.
'I lay dying...'
He began to even be nice to her in public, shocking everyone. Yet, it was all a ploy, a filthy, dirty ploy to get her in bed.
'And I'm pouring crimson regret...'
She ran to the bathroom, vomiting blood. She was developing a very serious problem, but her physical health no longer bothered her.
'Thank God he doesn't know what he's done to you,' she thought, crouching over the toilet, coughing.
He seduced her, told her that he loved her, and they wound up in bed together one night. She gave him her virginity with an open heart, and he snatched it away. This was three weeks and four days before.
'And betrayal...'
Four days after she slept with him, he broke her heart in public, revealing everything in public, and letting her know how much he enjoyed being better than her for once.
Harry and Ron never truly talked to her about the situation, hoping that maybe he cursed her, or threatened her. She tried telling them everything in hopes they might help her, and they silenced her, picking Quidditch over her.
She died inside that day.
I'm dying...
She began to cry as she wiped the vomit off of her face. She looked in the mirror and was shocked by her reflection. Her face was pale, her eyes bloodshot. She fell to her knees in prayer, hoping for any help that she could get.
Praying
She used to be a headstrong, confident, brave person. Malfoy had turned her into a coward, a pathetic, miserable fool. She looked at her arm, to the open wound she had cut moments ago. It was still bleeding. She cut very deep this time.
Bleeding
She looked at all of the scars and scabs on her arms, wondering where she went so wrong. She thought in silence for a few moments, until she picked up some noises coming from Malfoy's room. She listened hard as realization struck her. In that moment, the pain was so unbearable. She could hear him and whoever he was with clear as day.
And screaming
She released a blood-curdling scream, letting all of her emotions go. She had gone beyond the brink of insanity. She let all of her hurt and her pain go. She enjoyed the pain that the screaming was causing. She couldn't stop screaming, the pain was getting more intense, and she knew that she would attract the attention of the wrong people. It felt so good to release everything in her scream.
She quite suddenly ran out of air, and stopped screaming, feeling empty, numb. It was the best feeling she ever had, and wanted it repeated.
Hermione heard Malfoy's voice getting closer to the bathroom, inquiring to whomever about what she, Hermione, had done to produce such a heart-stopping scream.
She was almost tempted to pretend like she was going to kill herself, to make him pay for all the pain he caused, but she wasn't brave enough to do that. Instead, she fled, out of the bathroom, out of the dormitory, out of the school.
She found herself at the lake, a place full of serenity, her favorite place on campus.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Hermione knew, deep inside, that she had quite literally gone insane. Her heart ached, her mind ached, her stomach ached, her throat ached. She knew that she needed to talk to someone, but she couldn't. She was so afraid.
Am I too lost?
She stared at the serene lake for a half hour, trying to sort out feelings, trying to bring back some of her old traits.
She shifted her gaze to her latest cut, mesmerized by the swollen pink flesh. Of course she had taken this too far. All you had to do was look at her scarred arms.
My God, my tourniquet. Return to me salvation...
She knew what she had to do. Sighing, she turned away from the serene lake and headed back to the dorm.
Once she got there, she mustered up her remaining courage and knocked on Malfoy's door. She waited for a few moments until he opened the door, slightly disgruntled, slightly surprised. He raised one eyebrow and spat, "What, Granger?"
"Come," she ordered, catching his interest. He followed her as she led him out of the dorm.
"Where the hell are we going, Granger?"
"You'll see," she croaked. Her voice was very weak and gravelly from screaming.
They walked in silence until he asked, "Why were you screaming?" His voice was soft, caring, the way he used to talk to her.
"Silence," she whispered. She didn't want to deal with him right now.
They made their way towards Dumbledore's office. Malfoy gasped slightly as she made her way to his door, hoping beyond all hope that he was awake.
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long...
The door opened before she could knock. Standing before her was none other than Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall standing behind him. "Take a seat, Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy. We've been expecting you."
Hermione sat down tentatively, wondering how they would react, how even Malfoy would react, to what she's been doing. She looked over at Malfoy, who was already seated. He bowed his head in shame; a sign that he knew what she was about to tell.
"So, Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, what exactly brings you to my office at such an hour?"
Hermione sighed again. She looked down at her feet and muttered, "I need help, sir."
Will you be on the other side, or will you forget me?
"With what, Miss Granger?"
"This," she whispered, lifting the sleeves of her jacket, showing them all the scars. There were dozen, the most prominent of them the one she had done only hours ago.
Professor McGonagall gasped, Professor Dumbledore stood up and began to pace quickly, and Malfoy sat quietly, looking at her arms in shock.
It was silent for an excruciating five minutes until Malfoy whispered, "Is that- because-"
"Yes," she whispered.
Dumbledore stopped pacing, comprehension dawning in his eyes. "Miss Granger, will you please explain exactly how this came to be?"
She sighed again. "It started about a month after school started..."
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
"...and after that, I didn't know what to do, so I started doing this."
Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?
"Have you done anything else to yourself besides these cuts?" His voice shook slightly.
"No, but I keep puking blood, and I can't think straight, and I'm just losing grip on reality," she whispered, starting to cry.
"Miss Granger, what were you thinking, doing this to yourself?" Professor McGonagall blurted out. "Are you crazy or something? A month ago you were almost guaranteed the valedictorian position! Do you really think that cutting yourself was the answer to your problems? You stupid, stupid girl!"
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation...
Hermione got up and fled the room, her reality shattered. She was getting used to running away from things that she didn't want to deal with. Her life was over. She wanted it to end immediately.
I long to die...
She ran out to the lake again, pulling out her knife, feeling the need to cut herself again.
She poised the knife in a fresh spot when someone grabbled her arm away.
My wounds cry from the grave...
"Hermione! Stop!" Malfoy cried out, tears in his eyes.
"Go the hell away, Malfoy!" she screamed. "Since when did you ever fucking care about me? Since when?"
"Since a long time ago, Hermione! This is wrong, you need to stop."
"Let go of my arm."
My soul cries for deliverance...
"No."
Will I be denied?
"Malfoy, let go of my arm before I slice into you first!"
He dropped her arm. "You don't want to do this, Hermione!"
Christ, tourniquet...
"How the hell would you know? You know nothing about me!"
She poised the knife again, only this time at her wrist, ready to gouge until she hit an artery. She was ready to die.
"Don't do it, Hermione, please," he screamed, reaching for her arm again.
"Don't touch me. Don't speak. Just watch. See what you've done, Malfoy? This is what happens when you really hurt someone. You make them want to hurt themselves. So, I'm going to demonstrate this to you." She started crying, watching his tortured expression, his apprehension, his hope, his fear. "You are going to watch me do this, and you are going to learn what happens when you toy with love. You hear that?" Her voice began to rise. "I fucking love you! And this is what I get for love!"
My suicide...
"Hermione, please," he whispered, crying, watching Hermione pierce her skin with the knife, cutting deeper and deeper, watching her blood gush out of her wrist.
"This is what you did, Malfoy," she said, throwing the knife, knowing that she would live. He, of course, did not.
"I love you, Hermione, and I am so sorry. My father found out about us and I had to do something to save my life. I never meant for this to happen."
He gathered her in his arms, pulling out his wand and muttering a healing charm on her wrist.
Return to me salvation...
She wrapped her arms around him, sobbing, happy once again to be in safe arms. She had once again found her salvation in no other than Draco Malfoy.
