Dear Katniss,
If you are reading this I trust that Effie has given it to you and that the Capitol has separated us or I am dead. There are many things I want to give you and to tell you but I fear that my time has been cut too short.
Katniss; I love you. I always have and I always will. My father had loved your mother and I know that trait has been passed down. From the moment I saw you at the age of five I knew that you would always hold a place in my heart. I heard you sing in music class and my heart stopped. It was the most beautiful sound in this god-dammed world. The only other sound that could match its beauty would be you saying I love you to me. My heart only began to beat again and really live once you had kissed me in the arena.
I don't know why that day I purposely burnt that bread and gave it to you. All I know is that it seemed like the right thing to do. You and your family were starving and we had plenty. I couldn't stand to see you waste away to nothing. It was worth the beating I copped from mother with the rolling pin. To know that you were being fed was worth a thousand beatings every day for the rest of my life. I do have regrets from that day though; I should have gone out there and personally given you the bread and I shouldn't have burnt it. I should have stolen the bread and given it to you perfectly cooked. I did my best even though it wasn't really much.
On the Reaping Day, when you volunteered as tribute to take Prim's place; it was the most courageous thing that I had ever seen. My heart dropped when you volunteered because I knew I could lose you. When my name was called out I wanted to crawl into a hole and lay there waiting to die. I couldn't bear the thought of someone killing you, or me having to kill you myself.
On the train, in endless interviews and moments alone you made it clear that you didn't really love me at all. Which made it easier for me to let go of a happy ever after, but the dream and hope never faded. You started to show feelings for me at the end of our time in the Capitol and when we met up again in the arena. I joined the Careers to protect you; so you wouldn't become overly attached to me so you could have a life after the arena. But when you found me and we lived in the cave I knew that your happy life after the arena wouldn't happen unless I was with you. So when they announced that new rule stating that we could both win my joy was uncontrollable. I could love you and live with you. When the rule was changed, once again; I realised I'd prefer you to live rather than me to go on living without you.
We've fought, we've kissed, we've cried and we've loved being with each other. 'Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable'. My love for you will never, ever become quenched. No matter how the Capitol and the Games might've changed us and used us as their pawns, my love for you will never die. I said I didn't want them to change me and turn me into a monster. But there is one thing I am glad that happened and changed as a result of them; you fell for me and loved me. I once dreamt that we would grow old together, have children, watch them grow and have their own children. I dreamt of a long, happy life side by side with you. But now, I realise that it will never happen. Maybe in another life, we could be together and be happy. If we have been separated then I shall find you. Nothing could ever stop me from finding you not even the Capitol's army and all the districts together could stop me. If I am dead, I will find you in another life- people who are drawn to each other in one life will be drawn together in the next.
No matter what Katniss, I love you with all my heart. I want you to be happy and live your life. That it may be long and surrounded by the ones you love. Continue living your life. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning and continuation of our love.
Don't be sad I am gone, be happy that we had memories together, that we loved and that I lived.
I love you with all of my heart- no matter if it's with me or with the Capitol your name will always be engraved with pure gold in it and no number of surgeries and procedures could ever rid me of you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I will find you again-
Peeta, yours always. xx
