Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.
AN: Hello and welcome! If you are new to Panthalassa I think going back to read the first story in the series (Panthalassa: Low Tide) would probably help you in understanding what is going on in this story.
Under Current is going to be where I add little side stories and things, basically bits about Panthalassa that don't fit inside the main storyline. If you have a outtake request put it in a review or PM me and I'll see what I can do.
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Panthalassa : Under Current
How I met your father
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It was raining lightly and I hadn't prepared at all, thinking it would be a normal sunny afternoon, I had left the courtesy umbrella the hotel had given me back in the room. I hated when my feet got wet, and I was wearing the cutest new pumps from a little boutique I had visited in Venice.
I waited for the street to clear of the little cars and quickly made my way across the lane to the small pub just across from a little cozy looking park. Of course no one was in the park, it was absent the old men reading news papers, mum's taking their children for strolls or even the odd dog walker.
"Ye gods it took you long enough!" my best friend yelled over to me as I meandered the thin crowd of people left over from the lunch break.
"I wasn't sure what to wear," I grumped gesturing to my clothes, I had really wanted to wear my summer dress but it would have been a bad choice for the rain. Hell the shoes had been a bad choice but I couldn't not wear them. In fact I had worn my cute new shoes everywhere I'd traveled with Tiffany on our Europe trip so far.
She gave me a skeptical look.
"I got lost on the way over… It's not like remember the streets very well. If you remember rightly last time we were in Berlin I was drunk for the majority of the daylight hours." I folded my arms over my chest defensively.
She caught the laugh that wanted to escape and turned it into a cough, but she hadn't fooled me.
"Remember how that bloke Spencer wanted to go to that drag show?"
"I barely remember Spencer let alone where we ended up ditching him." I rolled my eyes, the playful smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
We sat at the table Tiffany had been waiting for me at, it was nearest the toilets and there was a loud big tele playing a football match directly in front of us just behind the bar.
Tiffany slid a drink towards me; it looked like a regular cola.
"Tiff, doozer?" I asked, using our slang for a spiked soda. It had been a phrase we'd coined our first year at university. It had something to do with the fact she liked to be sneaky even if it wasn't necessary.
All she did was nod once and continue ogling the men in the pub around us. There weren't many, an odd trio of business men in their mid forties. An elderly couple, the woman with lipstick so red I could even see the impression she'd left on her sherry glass from across the room.
We had been snacking on some healthy chips and discussing the end of our trip, as our flight was leaving late the next evening. Our Europe trip had been sort of a tradition of ours for the last five years, every year before the start of the next year at University she and I would go to the same four cites over a two week period. Originally Tiff and I had two other girl friends that came with us, but Meghan was married, and Bay was living in Beijing, so it had been Tiff and I for the last two years. Even if we were both out of Uni now it was still something we liked to do together. Tiff and I actually liked it better with just the two of us, as it was easier for our competition to continue.
While I had the looks, Tiff had the magnetic personality she liked to claim it was because she was a Scorpio, I like to claim it was because she was a ho-bag. It was a simple competition, see who could get the guy we'd picked to want to go to the hotel with us. Rarely did we ever actually follow through on the given gentlemen; we'd just leave him standing there after a hot kiss at the front door of the hotel and then ditch him.
I loved knowing how much power I had; Tiff liked seeing their surprised faces.
So far Berlin was dry pickings. So far for the month I was up at a 7-4 score. Tiff was looking to bank on the fact she actually knew German to help her.
I was ready to call the pub a loss and ask if we could head out to a museum or find a free concert for later in the night, but Tiff was on her second cosmo and had just ordered a third. I switched to beer at that point. She gave me cheeky dirty look when the pint was set in front of me by the waitress.
.~.
The football match was suddenly interrupted by some news report.
The whole pub went silent and as all channels went into an emergency broadcast. The bar tender turned the TV's volume up and we all watched in horror as some sky scraper in New York city was smoking.
"What's going on?" Tiff asked concerned after having come back from the loo.
I just pointed to the tele and took a long slow sip of the beer.
Needless to say Tiff and I didn't move from our spot in the pub, even when it filled with all sort of random people from the street wanting to watch what was going on. Tiff was trying to translate what she could for me.
After the second plane hit, and then the first tower fell, I couldn't stop crying. Low murmurs in German and some in English didn't drown out the reporter. Tiffany had stopped translating, because really what else could be said?
"Sind sie in ordnung fräulein?" A man asked me and I dabbed at my eyes with the paper napkin my beer had been sitting on.
"I don't speak German, sorry," I mumbled the sadness at so many innocent lives just lost in America made my stomach clench.
I was offered a travel size tissue pack and I took it as I looked up to the man offering.
"Londoner?" He asked his light brown eyes sad, and worried. I knew he wasn't worried about me, but about the whole situation. In fact every person in the bar seemed to be rocked into a state of shock and horror at what had happened in the States.
I nodded, and blew my nose, catching Tiff glancing at me and away from the TV. She appraised the man's profile and gave me a scowl, as if to berate me for trying to pick up a bloke in this situation.
But I wasn't trying to pick him up, but for Tiff even a crisis was an opportunity to 'score'.
"You lady's on a holiday?" he asked gesturing to the free chair between the wall and myself. Tiff scooted away slightly, having turned back to the tele.
"We were…" I sighed dabbing my eyes again.
"You missed a little," the stranger gestured to the left and I instantly was mortified. I dabbed quickly and saw the small black from my mascara tainting the white of the tissue.
"They closed the airport," Tiff's tone was shocked, and I turned my attention to her. The pubs noise level suddenly rose. She swiveled back on her chair, her light brown hair flipping behind her. She appraised the man again. And it brought my attention to the fact I hadn't yet learned his name.
"Oh thanks," I said suddenly handing him back the packet. He smiled sadly at me, his eyes darting to the TV over our heads.
"My names Adam, by the way," he told us, his Scottish brogue was easily discernable.
Great, I sighed mentally, my one weakness, Scottish boys. Tiff knew this too, and her grumpy, shocked face over the tragedy happening in the States as well as the airports worldwide morphed into one of teasing triumph.
"I'm Tiffany, this is Joy," she nodded in my direction, "And yeah, we were on a bit of a holiday; call it a tradition if you will. But we were supposed to fly back to Heathrow tomorrow 'round supper." She elegantly laid her elbows on the table and put her chin in her hands. The pose was to heighten his view of her cleavage, of which there was ample.
"I doubt most of Europe will be up and running by then. They just announced that most airports are closed, I suspect by evenings end most will be down for a bit." Adam said, his eyes looking between the two of us.
We chatted the rest of the evening in the little pub, Tiff trying her best to flirt with the older man, but it was failing as it seemed he wasn't interested in either of us in any sexual way. At the end of the dinner hour, I felt like I needed a good sob back in the hotel for all those poor innocent souls lost. Adam walked us out and told us he'd be willing to give us a lift back to London, as he was heading back in the afternoon by car. His car to be more specific, Adam worked for an engineering firm in London and had to often travel to Berlin for business. He had told us he liked the drive as it gave him time to think. Also he hated planes. And now in light of what happened, I could tell he felt a little justified at not using them.
.~.
"You've been such a stick in the mud since you started dating that pill," Tiff complained over the phone. I smiled into the receiver as I shifted my purse over my shoulders.
"Well, as I recall you were the one who was strongly suggesting, in not so subtle ways I might add, that he and I hook up the entire way back from Berlin last month."
"That was a month ago!" she said in a whinge. She honestly missed me going out to troll for guys. But Adam and I had made our relationship "official" just two nights before. Before then I had been going out with Tiff to be her wing-woman, not actually flirting with guys but Adam had told me I was free to.
"You can call up Anna can't you?" I asked in jest, the laugh at the very idea at her little sister Anna and her going out nearly bursting out of me. I could just see Tiff looking at her receiver with a horrified expression.
"I can certainly tell you aren't taking this seriously. Good day to you." And with that the line went dead. I chuckled while shaking my head out, and taking off the knit cap and light jacket. I put the phone down and waited
1,2,3- the phone started ringing.
"I am sure Anna could be tempted-"
"God!"Tiff yelled and hung up again.
There was nothing like having an instant conversation stopper, and with Tiff it was her little sister Anna. I hadn't really heard all of the story, it was supposedly really that bad that Tiff couldn't even tell me what had happened. But if Tiff was getting on my nerves, much like this instance, all I had to do was bring her sister up.
Tiff didn't call the rest of the night, and I spent it going over the reports for the station I started interning for.
Originally I had wanted to be a journalist, and then I realized I liked broadcasting when our University radio station had a party on Halloween my freshman year. I was snogging a junior in the booth and fell in love with the it, and the boy.
I was getting nervous as Adam had asked me to come up to Edinburgh to meet his family. And for those on the outside of our relationship they'd think we were moving rather fast, Tiff reminded me of this every chance she could. But we'd been together just over a month and I couldn't imagine ever being any happier with a man.
Adam loved music and would play his guitar for me after we'd make love. He was handsome too, not necessarily handsome in the most classic definition, but the more I got to know about him the more beautiful he became to me. There were times when I think he thought the same of me.
.~.
Meeting the MacAvoy's was rather a horrible experience all around. Adam had warned me that he'd had a strained relationship with his parents. He had explained that they had always been very opinionated about anyone he or his sister had been dating. His older sister Rachel, from what I was told was the only one in the family to talk to him semi regularly. I wasn't sure why he felt the need to introduce me to his parents so soon in our relationship perhaps he wanted to get it out of the way so we could move on from there.
"Mum," Adam greeted the plump woman at the door. She had been wiping her hands off in her apron and gave her son a glee filled smile, quickly glancing over his shoulder to see me standing there.
She hugged him quickly.
"I wish you would have let your father pick you up," she scolded him, he laughed lightly and continued to give her a one armed hug. I felt abnormally tall most of the time but standing near the plump little Mrs. MacAvoy I felt almost like an Amazon.
"Mum, this is Joy. Joy this is my mum Angeline." I could tell by the tone of his voice he was gauging the situation with tight anticipation. Mrs. MacAvoy smiled warmly to me and came up to me arms wide. I had to bend down a bit like he had to get a good hug from her.
She ushered us in after, asking about the train ride up, and Adam's work. There was warmth that spread throughout my body when he threaded his fingers through mine as we were lead into the cozy little house.
Adam had warned me that his parents could or would be vicious towards me when they found a fault in me to deem me unworthy of their son. He hadn't brought a girl back to them in over eight years because of the last incident.
"I rather wish you could have come up for the holiday's," she gave him a pleading smile once we were sitting around the wooden kitchen table, the tea pot already on the stove.
"Mum," Adam sighed and started wearing what I was beginning to understanding as his 'fake' smile. He used it a lot for work and it made me feel awkward that he was using it on his own mum.
I smiled sheepishly at the conversation, unsure if I should even add to it.
"That job of yours…" She sniffed loudly and a little bitterly.
Adam had carefully altered the conversation to talking about his parent's auto shop and his brother in law Robert. Based on her happy chatter about Robert and Rachel I realized that Angeline truly loved her son-in-law. And for the most part while I helped her get dinner ready for the six of us I couldn't understand all of the preparation Adam had given me about his parents. Angeline was sweet and kind, except for the odd biting comments she'd make about mundane things. She complained casually about the neighborhood children, about the terrorist attacks on the Americans, about Adam's hair cut and so on. So at first I thought nothing of it, but as the night wore on and I met the rest of his family I suddenly found it rather harsh. I recognized it for what it was when she made a comment about a dumb blonde store clerk that was supposed to help her find some antiacids.
.~.
Looking straight ahead I bit back the tears that had been wanting to fall out of my eyes since his father started on about Americans deserving what they got.
It had been a rather somber topic to begin with and over the after dinner tea it seemed like a safe topic. Until I opened my big mouth and made an opinion on the matter, god forbid. Kenneth MacAvoy set his scotch down, as he liked his hearty after dinner drinks, and looked me down through rather stormy grey eyes.
"When you don't pay attention to the world around you, you end up pissing off the wrong people," he gruffly stated. I hadn't expected him to get so serious so quickly over the tragic event that, in part, had caused Adam and I to meet. Apparently Kenneth and Angeline MacAvoy liked America just fine but had always thought Americans rather smug about their place in the world. I had defended the country I had no real animosity towards and then we had ended up in a discussion teetering on the edge of a fight almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth.
Rachel was sitting on my other side, and from our talking over dinner seemed like a very honest person.
"Dad," she started meaningfully.
"You know what I'm talking about. Those poor souls were just collateral damage," he waggled a finger at his daughter then me. Adam's hand on my thigh tensed and he squeezed it a bit harder. I was horrified at what I was hearing come out of his father's mouth, and I couldn't even blame it on alcohol because he still had his first drink in hand.
"If this happens to wake up the Americans to the fact there are other people living on this planet, then I think it was for the better." He summed up, looking smug. My mouth was agape and I was about to utter a response when Adam squeezed my thigh again.
"Dad, any loss of life is sad and the way those people died was horrible you can't deny that." Adam spoke up, and it felt like he was trying to take the focus off of me.
"He didn't say that it wasn't," Mrs. MacAvoy spoke up.
"Let's stop," Rachel interrupted whatever he dad was about to say and stood up to take the empty dessert plates to the kitchen.
"Let me help," I said quickly and gathered the remaining items she'd left and followed her down the tiny hallway from the formal dining room to the kitchen.
"Sorry about him," Rachel sighed once I stood next to her at the sink.
I shrugged, feeling more than awkward about this family meeting. Because no matter how much Adam had told me about his parents I hadn't believed it.
"He's being belligerent for belligerent's sake. I think he gets a rise out of it. I have theories that he used to be a bully at school and never quite got over the fact after school there was no one to bully," she explained, a sad line forming on her pale forehead as she started pre rinsing the dishes for the washer. I sighed heavily, and then turned to look down the hallway when I heard voices getting loud for a second.
"I had hoped Adam was over exaggerating about the family dynamic." I glanced at her, she was half turned looking at me as I finished putting the rinsed dishes in the washer when she handed them to me.
"Joy," she swallowed hard and closed her eyes before turning fully to look at me. Returning the gesture we faced each other fully. When she opened her eyes she had a worried smile on her face, eyes sad.
"This is the first time I've seen Adam in over a year. The last time he came up here was only to visit me. Mum and dad didn't know he'd been in town. Did you know that last time he's brought a girl was almost eight years go?"
I nodded fidgeting with my jumper's sleeve yet not looking away from her hazel eyes.
"I don't blame him for not coming back more often. And sometimes I wish I'd been strong enough to do what he did and leave. We both love our parents but they… I think they just want to fully control our lives. At least I know dad does. Mum does whatever makes dad happy.
"I like you Joy, and I can tell you make my brother seriously happy. I didn't leave, and I settled for a boy that my dad approved of so I wouldn't have to live feeling like I'd done something wrong. I love Robert, but I don't think I am in love with him, I married him mostly because I knew my dad would never approve of any other man.
"Now, as his big sister I am going to give you some advice and you need to take it if you and Adam want to be happy." She took a long breath and looked to her hands before puckering her lips while she concentrated on forming her next words. My head felt heavy hearing her talk about her own family like this. The feeling of discomfort filled me as I realized that their family dynamic was seriously fucked up.
"Don't ever let him come back here Joy. For his sake as well as yours. They are much harsher on him then they ever were on me. And no matter how hard you try my father has already made up his mind about you. Love my brother despite his family, but please never allow him to come back because I know he truly doesn't want to be here with them, as sad as that is. But my dad made his bed and will have to live with the fact he's alienated his son so much."
When she finished I grimaced, knowing what she was saying was harsh but it also fit with what I had learned and what little he'd told me about his family, namely his parents.
"Then why did he bring me in the first place?"
She smirked at me, and it looked so much like her brother that it had me smiling.
"I suspect he wanted them to meet you because he loves you. And he wanted them to meet you at least once so you didn't ever ask to come back."
.~.
That was the first time I met Adam's parents, and it was the last time too.
Adam proposed to me on our six month anniversary. It hadn't been a very romantic proposal, but I would never have complained, because after all it only mattered that he did propose in the first place.
We had just finished folding the laundry and laughing about Tiff's newest boyfriend. Boyfriend was the kindest word for his relationship with my best mate. His name was Michael and he was a certifiable idiot. He worked Valet at a posh club in central London, where all the tourists go. Tiff spotted him working and thusly worked her magic and bedded the poor boy. He had lasted almost two months and I had regretted asking Tiff why she had kept him around for so long. Adam couldn't stop laughing at my imitation of Tiff putting her hands about a foot apart and smiling wickedly at me.
I sniffed loudly after I finished laughing and took the towels Adam was handing me when he leaned in and kissed my nose. I smiled coyly back, sure of where this light flirting could take us. When the towels were away I found him leaning against the door frame behind me.
"Marry me," he said quietly.
"Is that a demand or a request?" I quipped back, thinking this was a joke of his.
"More like a plea," he stated and took out a ring from his pocket.
We celebrated all night, with a brief break just after midnight so I could call Tiff and tell her the news.
Her response was classic, "Great, tell me when and where and I'll be there. Goodnight."
The next day she had been a proper good friend and was at least faking being happy for me the best way Tiff could.
.~.
"If you take the job I'll never see you!" I whinged half heartedly. Tiff snorted into her coffee mug, her hair properly disheveled after her drunken night of sex with her new toy of the month. I had in fact passed the man responsible for the sex hair on her head in the hallway as I came up.
"Listen you," she used her free hand to poke me hard in the shoulder; I winced and retaliated by punching her in the shoulder. "You've been blissfully married for almost two years now. I have had it up to here with all of the cutesy cuddling you two love birds have been doing." I smiled at her joking tone.
"It's a really high paying job Joy," Tiff finally sighed after taking a long sip from her mug.
I nodded, still frowning.
"I'm not letting you go without a fight." I said firmly.
"I expected this. But do you really want me hanging around when you start squirting out little MacAvoy's?"
We both started chuckling at her body language for the "squirting" part of her sentence.
"You'd be a great Auntie Tiff!" I laughed again as she gagged over her drink and rolled her eyes.
"If you get knocked up to try and keep me here, I can tell you now it won't work." That statement had me actually pouting.
"Adam doesn't want to have kids for a while. He just got that promotion so… we discussed buying a house before we even think about kids."
Tiff nodded and then quickly changed the topic to how she was going to buy me a ticket to come help her move to Chicago in the fall. 2004 was going by far too fast for my opinion.
.~.
I missed my mum so horribly a lot of the time, but none more so than when I had gone into labor. My father tried his best to fill the role since she had died while I was just starting university, but he never quiet managed to do it.
My first call when I started having contractions was to Tiff. She had been asleep, as it was sometime around 3am in Chicago when I called. I ordered her to get her bony slutty ass on the next plane or I would save the placenta and have it mailed to her if she didn't show up. It could have been the pain talking, but whatever it was, it worked.
Adam came with me into the delivery room, his anticipation high, although I had banned him from taking any photo's or videos, it didn't stop him from trying to sneak a couple while I was pushing. I had a kind nurse take the camera from him so he could hold my hand.
When we had found out I was pregnant, a very planned pregnant, we firmly decided to keep the baby's sex a mystery, both of us wanting to experience the euphoria of finding out after he or she came into the world. We had names prepared, a short list of a few so we could see which felt right when we held our little bundle in our arms.
It wasn't as painful as it probably could have been. I had done the labor all natural and heard that the pain was unbearable. I was only in active labor for about 2 hours, the last two centimeters took forever to dilate, but when they did my baby was quickly making its way out to greet us.
"It's a girl!" The doctor said happily, and a second later I heard the frail tragic sounds of a newborn crying. Then Adam started crying happily, and kissed me. I was still in a daze from the natural hormones and chemicals churning in my blood that all I did was smile tiredly as the doctor briefly lifted the wailing newborn up for me to look at.
After the shock of seeing my new little girl covered in blood I realized how beautiful she really was.
Later, hours later, my father had gone home and our little girl was brought back from the nursery so she could feed and spend the night with me in the little room we had been assigned. Adam sat next to me and watched as the little thing suckled away.
"Do we have to name her?" he asked quietly. I didn't get his meaning so I gave him a look.
"She's just too perfect to attach something as mundane as a name to her. Because whatever it is won't be as perfect as she is."
"You said perfect twice darling," I grinned, I was exhausted but I didn't dare fall asleep on this, the happiest night of my life.
"Doesn't make it any less true," he sighed and gently ran the back of his knuckle down the soft slope of her little head.
"Has anyone ever told you how much of a sap you are?" I asked. He only nodded in response.
"We could name her after your mum," he suggested. He had always told me how much he liked my mum's name. I looked at the bundle at my breast and sighed, it hurt to think of calling her my mum's name, but somewhere in the back of my mind I liked the idea of her being represented in my girl.
"Evelyn…" I murmured aloud. It didn't fit.
"I like your mums name too though," I spoke softly.
We rarely talked about his parents. And when we did it was only to discuss what we were going to tell them about our lives, if anything. We told them we'd gotten married, after the fact of course. We told them when we'd moved into London to be near my father. But we hadn't even told them that they were grandparents. Rachel knew, and that was enough for Adam, which was enough for me.
"Angeline…" it was his turn to speak with a musing tone.
It was times like this that I knew Adam and I were soul mates because we looked at each other and spoke the same name for our little girl.
"Evangeline."
.~.
She wouldn't stop crying. Nothing I did would make her stop. I even stooped to rubbing a little brandy on her gums to get her to relax, but it only made her give a stronger push into crying.
Adam had been away for just over two weeks on a contract in Berlin, and I was eagerly awaiting his return in a couple days, but Eva was being the crankiest baby on the planet for some unknown reason. If I didn't feel some motherly obligation to keep her I would have just given her up for adoption at that moment because the crying was driving me insane.
She eventually cried herself to sleep, and I took the moment to get into the shower and get all the baby tears, drool, and grime from the two days I hadn't been able to.
I'd called the doctors as soon as the usual things didn't calm her, but when she didn't even have the slightest temperature the doctors told me to wait till Monday.
She had stopped her fit on Monday, which I glumly noted was perfect timing on her part. I had been a mother for almost eight months and I often still felt like I knew nothing about this little baby that was my child. Sometimes I'd look back on Tiff life decisions and wish I'd done the same. No babies, no man to clean up after, just sex and a bed all to herself when I wanted it. But when Adam came home from his overseas trips and I saw his smile I knew that this was actually where I wanted to be, no matter how many stinking nappy's I had to change.
Adam looked horrible, absolutely dreadful when his taxi dropped him off. He had deep shadows under his eyes, and his light brown hair was limp. Eva was sleeping in her cot as I helped him in with his luggage. He winced while he sat down at the dining room table. I went about fixing a cup of tea, asking him what happened.
"Oh-" he began and ran a hand through his hair, which looked darker and dirtier than I had ever seen it. "Some kid at the airport ran into me…pushing me into a railing." He explained, his eyes not meeting mine.
"Ruddy teenagers," I grumbled. I gave him an encouraging smile and he smiled back, his eyes seemed to twinkle as he looked at me.
We went to bed that night, and made slow love. His large strong hands touching the spots on my body that had me remembering why I missed him so much.
.~.
Yawning I set the coffee pot back in its cradle and turned to see my husband trying to feed Eva some pureed banana's. He had just come down after I set her up, and offered to feed her. And the warm complete feeling I often felt when I looked at father and daughter together satisfied me.
After all of the MacAvoy's were fed Adam bent down to pick Eva up to get her cleaned, while I put the dishes in the sink. I had to get to work, while he had the next two days off.
As soon as Adam lifted Evangeline out of the chair she started wailing, so loudly I nearly dropped the plates in the sink with shock. Adam looked like a deer in headlights and scooped her closer to his body to help comfort her.
She didn't stop crying even after we finished changing her nappy. Adam looked frazzled and scared. I took her from him so he could warm a bottle, in case she was still hungry. It took her a moment after being in my arms that she started settling down, burying her head in my shoulder and making pitiful whimpers as if she'd been burned.
I settled her into her cot before kissing Adam and quickly finishing getting ready for work.
Adam called me twice at work that day, both times Evangeline was wailing in the background. I could tell he felt awful about her new crying habit, and I told him she'd been doing it off and on for a while. I suggested he put her down and turn some music on, as nothing had been physically wrong with her any of the last times she'd been having a fit.
.~.
He had been drinking and I suddenly felt pity looking and him slumped in the armchair, our little girl sleeping in her playpen. When we went to bed that night he was completely drunk, after I got settled and he must have assumed I was asleep he snuck out of the bed to go to the bathroom. I waited for him and when he didn't return I quietly walked down the hall to listen at the door.
Adam was sobbing, and I was about to open the door to ask him what was wrong when I suddenly felt wary and scared. Not scared of him or for him, but my love was crying, something I'd never seen on this scale, and he was doing it purposefully in the bathroom. He hadn't wanted me to hear him breaking down. And bit my lip as I slowly slinked back into our room. Adam must feel like a failure over not being able to settle Eva down, very much like how I had felt the two days she'd done it to me. Hell I had cried in frustration and anger, so I could completely understand his actions.
I found it odd the next morning when he wasn't next to me, cuddled close to me as he always had been ever since our first night at my flat. Looking around the house he was nowhere, so I called his mobile. It went straight to voicemail, and I frowned worried. I left him a message saying as much and quickly hung up as Eva started to stir.
Dropping Eva off at my dad's before heading to work I started to get more concerned about where Adam had gone so early in the morning. I called him every chance I could at work, whenever my boss wasn't nearby, and it always went straight to voicemail. There was a prickling in the back of my mind that started to panic.
I was starting to feel anxious and worried by time I finished my workday. Talking to my dad about it made me feel better. Adam could have just run out of battery. He was supposed to be off today but he loved his job, so he could very well have gone into the office early.
By dinner time I was in hysterics so I called Tiff. When her kind but unhelpful advice made me feel worse, I called Rachel.
She was highly worried about the odd behavior I'd described and told me to keep her updated and to talk to the police.
.~.
He was gone. Just like he was back on a business trip it seemed. His things were still around the house, but his scent had started fading from things.
Tiff had come to stay with me for two weeks after Adam hadn't come back for almost three weeks. And I couldn't stop crying over the loss of my love in my life. Eva didn't seem to be aware of the change and her young nonsensical sounds that would one day be words seemed to make my heart ache more. Adam would never have left us, that much I was certain. Something had happened to him.
The police hadn't taken his case seriously at first, but when he was still missing after three days they started looking into it more thoroughly. The morning he'd disappeared half of his bank account had been emptied, and it was a substantial amount. But other than that he'd had no credit card activity, no mobile phone activity either.
His sister came down while Tiff was staying with me. Whether or not they got along I never noticed, I was too deep in my grief over my love being gone. The fact there was no note no goodbye led me to believe he hadn't killed himself. I felt it was more likely he somehow had run into some sort of trouble. Crazy ideas ran through my head, and they were all to help me cope or perhaps ignore the fact he'd left me. Left us, Eva and I.
Her first birthday came and went. And I cried. I prayed every night Adam would come back, perhaps even with an explanation as to why he'd left at all. I loved him enough to accept any explanation he would give; I could forgive him too as long as he came back.
.~.
When she was two I put on a recording of her dad singing to me on my birthday, so she could see who her 'da' was. She giggled and slapped the TV screen. And even though her words weren't perfectly formed she started trying to sing along with him. I played that video for her often after that, and it became a sort of painful yet blissful sin I partook in. Watching them sing together like this ripped at my soul, but I never let her see me cry.
I made raising her my top priority after keeping a decent job. My dad died and left me his small place, which I sold and put the money aside for Eva's college fund. As much as I missed both of my parents I missed Adam more.
It was shortly after her fourth birthday that I decided I'd waited long enough, and the hope I had carried around like a candle had burnt out, reaching the end of its wick. I took Eva's birth certificate and a legal application to change her name in just before Christmas.
If I was going to raise her on my own, she was damn well going to have my last name too. Because as much as I loved Adam, and always would, I wanted my daughter to hear her last name and think of the parent that was still around to love her and take care of her.
Evangeline Violet Knight had a sort of Superhero ring to it, I thought.
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