Disclaimer: Now, what has the world come to when every parody/comedy/crossover has to cower in self-defence and squeal "I didn't make it! Not mine! Not mine! No money making! Just fun! Stop suing me now please!!"
Aaanyway.
I didn't make it! Not mine! Not mine! No money making! Just
fun! Stop suing me now please!
So… You get the gist of things. LotR – Not mine. Stargate SG1 – Not mine
(Darn.) Just a mildly crazy and hopefully amusing idea that hit me. No money is
being made on this… (But all donations are welcomed heartily. I could do with a
new DVD player…)
So enjoy!
The Lord of the Ring Transport
The Fellowship of the Ankh
The story begins at Rivendell. Or does it? Touches of the SGC show through the flowery Elven house, most obviously the control room and the Stargate itself. The inner ring of the Stargate starts to spin, and dial.
The technician, Sergeant Davis, glances at the computer screen as Hammond, SG1, Janet Fraiser and the lemon-hating Dr. McKay arrive, warned by the klaxon.
Davis: Incoming traveller!
The iris closes just after the gate has opened in its usual dramatic style. (Kawoosh, go the sound effects)
Davis: Receiving IDC… Sir, it's the Tok'ra!
Hammond: Open the iris.
Hammond, SG1 (Oddly including both Daniel and Jonas) Janet, McKay and Davis all move to the Gate Room – which currently has flowers and vines all over the walls, in fitting with the "Rivendell" theme.
The iris opens, and a moment later Jacob Carter steps through.
Sam: Dad!
Jacob and Sam hug.
Sam: It's great to see you again, Dad.
Jacob: This isn't a social call, Sam. I've got important news. Anubis is gathering his army together, and it's a fair bet he'll make an attack on Earth pretty soon.
O'Neill: What, is Anubis playing Sauron now?
Jacob: That's right. I'm playing Elrond.
Everyone blinks in brief confusion.
O'Neill: So we're masquerading as Lord of the Rings characters?
Jacob: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. The nine of you will have to set out and destroy Anubis.
Jonas glances at the others, utterly mystified by the Lord of the Rings references. Daniel raises his hand slightly to ask a question.
Daniel: Um… shouldn't there be something equivalent to the ring, then?
Jacob: I was just getting to that, Daniel. Take a look at this.
Jacob tosses a palm-sized ankh to Daniel, who almost drops it, but then peers closely at it.
Daniel: The markings are faded… Something about eternal life?
Jacob: "Giver of Eternal Life". We've had our best agents working on it for weeks since we managed to steal it. They've agreed that only humans not in the control of an adult Goa'uld can destroy it, which is why no Tok'ra can come along. (He glances at Teal'c) Jaffa are fine, though.
Teal'c inclines his head slightly in acknowledgment.
Sam: So that makes us… The Fellowship of the Ankh?
Jacob: Got it in one, Sam. But as my daughter… shouldn't you be playing Arwen? (He raises his eyebrows slightly, hoping that for once she'll agree to stay in safety)
Sam: Nice try, Dad. But I'm already in the Fellowship.
Janet: If we're taking parts, I'll have to ask. Who are we all playing, then?
O'Neill: Aragorn! I'm Aragorn.
Sam: (Thinks for a moment, aware that all of the original Fellowship are male) I'll take Legolas, I suppose.
Daniel: Uh… Well, I have the Ankh, so I'd say that makes me Frodo. (He raises his eyebrows behind his glasses and smiles as they all stare at him for a moment)
O'Neill: General! I'd say you were born for the role of Gandalf!
Hammond: I'll take that as a compliment.
Teal'c: It would appear that the most useful characters have been assigned.
O'Neill: Ah, no problem, big guy. You can be Gimli.
Teal'c: (Eyebrow raise no. 63 – insulted scepticism) I have no wish to be Gimli. He is made mockery of far too often in the films I have seen.
O'Neill: It's either that or a hobbit.
Teal'c: Very well. I believe Gimli is the superior warrior.
Janet: And I'll take Sam's place. If Daniel is going to succeed, he may need the help of a trained doctor.
O'Neill: Davis, Jonas. You two fill in for Merry and Pippin.
McKay: (Until now, he has been staring in amazed horror at the group of intrepid adventurers) Wait! Just wait! (Everyone looks at him) Have none of you even considered the possibility of saying no? This is insane! It's dangerous! I'm not going! I'm not trained for this!
Sam: (Snidely) Afraid of gate travel, McKay?
McKay: No! Death, maybe! And what about Anubis?
O'Neill: Ah, shouldn't be a problem with him. I hear he was good as Scar in the Lion King. Don't worry about his acting.
McKay: That wasn't what I–
Hammond: Enough! Jacob, you'll need to find another ninth. It seems Dr McKay isn't going to take up the challenge.
O'Neill: And we were just getting into the swing of things, too. Shame McKay doesn't have the guts to come.
McKay: I never said that!
Jacob: So you'll come, then. Good. All nine.
O'Neill: (grins at McKay) Come on, McKay. We'll even let you play Boromir…
Author's Note:
*spooky Hollywood style voice-over* And so it begins!
Review. Or be zapped. With a zat gun. ^_^
