Disclaimer: see profile
A/n the time frame for this one shot is during the team's six week vacation after "Wheels Up." Thank you for taking the time to read and please enjoy.
Spencer barely noticed the people around him as he walked through the park. They passed him as though he were invisible, but it didn't matter because he didn't hear the laughter of the children or the slap of feet on concrete. The whisper of wind in the trees and the crunch of bicycle tires on leaves didn't reach his ears.
When chess tables came into view, several people played, but he didn't see Eric. Spencer's shoulders slumped, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Spencer thought about challenging one of the players, should the opportunity arise, but then he turned and directed his feet toward a concrete bench.
Inside his messenger bag, were two books, "The Narrative of John Smith," and a thick, hardbound book with a title in Korean. As he did every day, he opened the former and read the words written by his beloved Maeve. His fingers traced the words and his eyes stung. After returning the book to his bag, he picked up the second book and began to read. His finger slid down the first page and jumped to the second without a hitch, but then it slowed and stopped. He snapped the book shut and thought he should go home and forget about playing chess or reading. Suddenly, such solitary pursuits seemed empty and unfulfilling.
"I miss you," he whispered to the wind. "Now more than ever." Spencer listened, but as always, no reply found his ears.
What he heard was a familiar voice. "Hey, Spence."
"Hi, JJ," he greeted.
"I thought I'd find you here. May I sit?"
Spencer nodded and slid to one side, "Am I that predictable?"
"I'd rather have a friend that's dependable, than someone who's never there when you need them."
Spencer sighed. "I wasn't there for anyone including mom, for 92 days and five hours."
"Spence…"
"You don't have to say it, Jennifer. I'm dealing with the fact that I made a monumental mistake."
"You did what you did out of love."
"Did I?"
"Of course!"
"How do you know, JJ? How can you be so sure of me?"
"Because you're godfather to my sons. I believe in you."
Spencer closed his eyes and blew out a breath. "I'm not sure you should believe in me. I wanted to kill Scratch. I almost left Emily alone in that place, just for the opportunity of putting a bullet in his brain."
"We all wanted him dead."
"I know," Spencer hissed through clenched teeth. "The difference is that you wouldn't have killed him unless you had no choice. I would've even if he were unarmed and surrendered to me."
"I told you outside Cat's interrogation room, and I'll tell you again. You are not a psychopath, Spence. No matter what you were forced to do by Cat or Scratch, you are nothing but Spence to me, my friend, my children's godfather and a good man that I love like a brother. No," she corrected, "what we have goes beyond brother or sister. It's something more."
"I know," Spencer agreed. "You're right; it's just that…"
"Don't," JJ said. "You are caring, sweet, gentle, and strong. If you don't believe me, then believe this."
JJ pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to Spencer. He unfolded it, and tears sprang to his eyes.
"I know you have this tucked away in your memory, but I want you to have the physical copy, now that you can keep it. Let it be a reminder that two little boys who love you and believe in you."
"How did you know this is exactly what I need?"
JJ smiled, and it was like a sunrise in Spring or the smell of wind in October. "Do you have to ask?"
"No, I guess I don't," he admitted. "Thank you."
Spencer held the drawing JJ had shown him in prison. The colors were as bright as that miserable day, and like the memory, he carried brought joy to his heart.
"Come on," JJ stood. "Let's take a walk and then, I want to come back here and learn chess."
Spencer gaped at her, "You want to learn chess?"
"Yes."
Spencer searched her face, but she met his eyes without reservation. "Okay," he capitulated. "After you."
