I finished this story awhile ago, so I thought I would post it for you all. This is a series of one shots. It's not going to be an extremely long fic.. and rememeber I have the whole story done.. so I guess the more comments I get the sooner I'll post more.. This story picks up right after episode 4.11 of Grey's Anatomy.. which if you rememeber was the last episode that aired before the strike.
I can't do this anymore.. Well neither can I.
Now although Shonda did fix her mess, I fixed it.. a different way..
Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! Oh and this story is based on the title which is the song by Snow Patrol, "You Could Be Happy."
Maddie
Disclaimer: 44 days. That's it and then Season 5 starts! I'm a little angry I don't own it because then I would know what the heck Rose is doing still on set!!
PART ONE
Cristina had a long day. Not extremely exhausting- just long. She had been in a surgery for hours and for the first time was not tired. This was because she hadn't had operated. Instead she had held Tuck's little hand in hers while Haun operated. Shoot. What would Haun think of her now? That she was weak and too emmotional like Izzie?
These were the thoughts floating around in her head as she got off her bike, unlocked the door and started up the stairs of Meredith's house to sleep in her normal spot.
Derek hadn't been there in awhile so she had gotten used to sleeping over at Meredith's. It was hard to admit it, but she liked it. Ever since the Burke thing she had liked to just be with people even if it was with George, Izzie, Alex, and now Lexie.
But now that Meredith and Derek had seemed to patch things up Cristina was thinking about going back to her apartment with Callie. She wasn't too bad. In fact she was actually a lot like her. Cristina kicked off her shoes before coming to Meredith's bedroom door when she heard crying..
"Meredith?"
Meredith quickly grabbed the box of tissues trying her hardest to stop her sobs. "Oh hey sorry I didn't hear you get in." She got off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.
"Um.. what's going on?"
"Na- Nothing." she stuttered.
"Yeah okay you're just sitting here having a good laugh and that's why tears are streaming down your face?" she said coldly.
"God do you have to be "coldhearted Cirstina" today? Cant you just be a friend?"
Cristina took a deep breath. She didn't like talking to Meredith about her problems.. that were mostly involving Derek. Cristina never told Meredith but she had never trusted Derek again after what he did to her. And it bothered her that Meredith just took him back again and again.
"Alright what happened?" she said sitting down on the bed.
"He chose someone else." Meredith stated simply.
"What do you mean? Addison's gone.." Cristina questioned.
"No. Rose. I guess there's this nurse and apparently they kissed." she said sadly.
Wait. This didn't make sense. Cristina remembered Derek being heartbroken over Meredith. Him telling her she didn't need him and how he didn't know what to do.
"But I thought you told him you didn't want him seeing other people?"
"I DID!" she yelled back starting to cry again.
"When did he kiss her?"
"Sometime yesterday. Probably before I told him."
Cristina tried to process this. "So you are mad that he kissed her?"
"Yes- No." she hesitated, "I'm not mad he kissed her- we weren't together. Cristina- he didn't tell me."
A shocked Cristina shot her head back up at Meredith. Her voice more toned and angry. "What do you mean he didn't tell you?!"
"Just what I said," she said shaking her head, "he didn't tell me, I found out. George heard him talking to her about the kiss. God I hate him but I love him. He's Derek he's-"
"No." Cristina said more agitated. "No. He had no right. He didn't tell you about Addison, he should have learned his lesson! No Meredith don't let him get away with this- not again.."
"What the hell are you talking about again?"
"He told you he chose Addison and you were all mopey. Do you remember that Meredith- how sad you were? How Izzie and I had to drag you around like a lost puppy through the hospital?"
"Mer, have you gone mental?"
"I have not gone mental!"
"Well yeah but what does that have to do with-"
"And then one day you and him are friends like nothing happened? You started calling him McDreamy again because he wormed his way back into your heart. You never forgave him Meredith! You just became his friend and then the prom happened and then you guys got back together but you NEVER FORGAVE HIM!" she yelled.
"I know." she said shyly, hating to remembering those days..
"Well did you tell him?"
"I told him," she gulped, "I told him I was in love with him but he was married. And then he said that he didn't want to have that conversation again and then I told him he didn't tell me about his nurse and that I cant trust him."
"That ass! You guys never had that conversation did you?"
"Well.." she said thinking back..
"What I wanted to say was.. but now all I can say is, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you forever. And I know I'm a little late in saying it. You have a choice to make. So I want you to take your time.. take all the time you need. Because when I had a choice, I chose wrong."
"All he really told me was he chose wrong."
"So you guys never talked about that night when Addie showed up? He never told you when he was going to tell you about her?" Cristina said taping her foot lightly.
"No.. he didn't." she said in disbelief. "Oh god why didn't we talk about it?"
"You've never gotten over it have you?" Cristina asked.
"Derek.. he told me that no matter what he does I'll never trust him.. that I can't trust anybody." Meredith said starting to cry again.
"Well, can he blame you?" Cristina now was yelling.. yelling really loud. "What about your father? What about him leaving you? God doesn't Derek realize why you couldn't let Lexie in right away?"
Meredith was about to speak when Cristina started up again..
"And your mother. She woke up Mer! You died! Thank god you didn't really, but you drowned! Your father came back and you tried to trust him again and be part of his and Susan's family and then he slapped you! And blamed you for her death.. not letting you go to the funeral! And he left AGAIN! How does Derek seriously not understand why you're having trouble of trusting him! Mer do you realize it was pretty much a year ago that Derek's wife showed up."
"Yeah- you think I don't realize all of this? Of course I do! And I've been trying to get over it! And he said he'd wait for me! He said he'd always be there. And I told him- I told him I wanted us to try the couple thing again.. I didn't say I wanted to get married or have kids or have that freaking perfect house!"
"What house?"
"Oh yeah I didn't tell you. Apparently he is already going to build our house."
"That jackass." Crsitina said under her breath.
"So what do I do?"
"Mer I know you love him, but I can't do this.. I can't do this anymore. The back and the forth.. I have to keep putting you back together because of HIM and I can't do it. I just can't.." she said breathlessly.
Meredith started to cry again.
"Mer.. I'm sorry I'm just being honest-"
"No it's not that.."
"I can't do this anymore; the back and the forth; are we together or are we not?"
"He said he couldn't do it anymore; the back and the forth and maybe.. maybe he was right."
Cristina was now in the middle of brushing her teeth as she yelled back, "Meredith as pissed off as I am, you guys need to talk. You just need to. Because the back and the forth thing- it's killing me too- not as much as it's probably killing you and Derek but seriously this is getting out of control!"
Just then the door bell rang loudly.
"I'll get it." Mer said softly.
She made her way down the stairs and looked through the window and saw him. She opened the door slowly to see his sad and pathetic face. "Hi."
"Hi." she said coldly.
"We need to talk. Can I come in?"
"Yeah we defidently need to talk." She said, as she let him in quickly. She needed to get this over with. Now she was ready and knew exactly what she'd say to him..
--
Anyone want more?
