SONGS ABOUT SEVERUS

By Hippy Gypsy

Disclaimer and Author's Notes: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, while all lyrics belong to Maroon 5. There are major HalfBlood Prince spoilers in this story, so I beg that if you haven't finished the book, do not read this. My heart truly broke with the conclusion of this book, and this is my way of saying goodbye to this stories title character. Call it closure for me, but I hope you enjoy this. It was hard for me to write this, and I hope that others who fell in love with him and were betrayed can say goodbye too.

PART I--SECRET

Something had been bothering him for so long. With his sharp exterior, he never gave me any hint of what would come. He had just become so fidgety. It was so unlike him. His whole lifestyle had changed that fall when I saw him again, and I could not understand what it was for the life of me. I thought I had him pegged for the typical hard asses I had dated in the past.

It was bad. I knew it was from the start. When I had seen him for the first time that autumn, there was something different in his voice. His demeanor became more harsh than usual, even towards me. Even in his worst moods he had never said a false or unyielding word toward me…but it had all changed.

He had asked me to leave with him, which I understood be the typical evening drive around the city. I was wrong…and he had panicked.

Watch the sunrise

Say your goodbyes

Off we go

Some conversation

No contemplation

Hit the road

"Shit," I said as I smacked the steering wheel with my fist.

"What is it?" he had asked me.

"Damn thing stalled again." I got out of my mini coupe and popped the lid, only to disappear under the hood.

A few moments later, he joined me side. "Will a spell fix it? Reparo?"

"I don't know."

Car overheats

Jump out of my seat

On the side of the highway baby

We sat on the side of the road waiting for the engine to cool, when I asked him. "Where were you taking me tonight anyways? I told you I hate surprises. Besides the fact, I'm getting really hungry."

He looked at me and his face was set in the oddest lines. "I wasn't exactly taking you to dinner, my Sun."

"Um…okay." I raised an eyebrow. "So where are we going?"

He looked out over the road and with no emotion in his voice. He replied, "I was hoping New York City."

I was nearly blasted off my feet with a mix of shock and confusion. "I don't…Severus, seriously, you've got me confused. Where the hell are we going? You don't seem to be yourself."

He bowed his head a little, as if thinking what to tell me next. I, however, was almost sure he had "popped the question" to me.

"Run away with me."

I shook my head and blinked. "Eh, what?"

"I'm leaving Britain, I'm leaving here, I'm going to America. I want you to come with me."

"What? You mean, elope?"

"If you want."

I took a step back and leaned against the car, only to discover it was still hot, scorching my hand. I pulled back letting a curse escape, and turned to Severus with great concern and curiosity in my voice. "Severus, we've been together for only a few months before you left for the summer, then you came back, what, two weeks ago? And you want to get married? This isn't like you. What's wrong with you?"

He got up and began to pace. "I-I don't know."

I watched him as he tried to hide his secret from me, but how in the world he expected me to just tolerate the fact that he was hiding something…I don't know. I began to get irritated with him. "Severus, what is it?" I finally said with some heat in my voice.

Our road is long

Your hold is strong

Please don't ever let go

He slumped his shoulders and took a breath, finally turning to me and looking me in the face. "I have a secret." I nodded, indicating I was listening and I wanted a further explanation. He did not hesitate to elaborate. "I've only told one other person, but I do need to tell you." His voice was harsh, as if somewhere deep in his throat, there was a bit of ache that he didn't want to show. "It may effect you."

I know I don't know you

But I want you so bad

Everyone has a secret

But can they keep it

Oh no they can't

"I've been giving an assignment, and it's…complicating my liaisons with the Dark Lord and Dumbledore."

"You mean He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" I asked, my eyebrows rising further up my forehead.

Stunned was the only word I could come up with to describe myself at the moment. I knew of his role between Dumbledore and You-Know-Who, but I did my best not to get into it. I'm half muggle, and I didn't understand most of the wizard politics that surrounded his life. So I wasn't a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and I simply let myself be called his better half that no one knew about.

But the fact that somehow I was going to be brought into this picture…well, it downright scared me, and if I was going to be involved somewhere where the Dark Side was concerned, I wanted to know what I was getting into. "Tell me the truth Severus. Tell me everything now, because I only may be half-blood, and I only may spend, what, a quarter of my life in that half of this world, but I have a right to know if something is going to happen to us." I glared at him, knowing I was one of the few people who could get away with it. "Spill your guts."

He huffed. "Fine." He took a step toward me and his eyes bore into mine. "I was placed under an Unbreakable Vow by a woman."

This startled me. He never talked about "other women."

"What's her name?"

"Narcissia Malfoy."

"What's the vow?"

"Her son, Draco, has been given the task of finding a way to murder Albus Dumbledore. And she made me promise to make sure that her son was safe in his task."

What? "Wait!" I shouted. Anger overrode shock for the moment, and I couldn't help myself. The cars were flying by so quickly, no one heard me or even took notice of us anyways. "You mean you promised to help that little snot kill Dumbledore? After everything that old man has done for you? What's wrong with you? Why didn't you say no?"

He got angry with me for my outburst, and for once, he showed it. "I wanted to, but I couldn't!"

I wasn't going to let him go without a fight. "Why the hell not!"

"Because her bitch of a sister was standing there!"

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything Severus!"

"She didn't trust me and if I didn't do it my goddamn cover probably would have been blown!"

I'm driving fast now

Don't think I know how to go slow

Where you at now

I feel around

There you are

I pushed him. I don't know why. It didn't even do anything, but I did it. I didn't even make me feel better. But still, I wanted to do it again. I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from him, still shouting. "So what? Now you're just going to run away? Like a coward?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

I whipped back at him, red in the face. "Well that's what you are Severus Snape! A coward! You're running away from your problems, and leaving that kid behind, and Dumbledore too!"

He suddenly became calm and lowered his voice drastically. "I'm not leaving Draco behind. I want him to come with us."

I stopped. "What?"

Cool these engines

Calm these jets

"Severus." I said his name calmly, hoping against all hope that he could see reason, but I didn't know if there would be way around it. He had his own train of thought, just as if I had my own. But I had a feeling maybe…I thought he was starting to crack up. "Severus…do you realize what you're saying? If…why…why do you want Draco to come too? I don't understand all this. I mean, I'm trying to, but…"

He bowed his head and turned from me. All would've been silent if it hadn't been for all the passing cars. "If my vow is broken to Narcissia, I will die."

I waited, not sure what to say to him. My heart and head pounded, and it seemed to do nothing but get worse. "So…so what you're saying is you want to take me and Draco and live in America?" I gave a half sarcastic laugh, which I knew wouldn't go unnoticed. "As if he won't find us?"

He turned back to me and grabbed my shoulders, squeezing them, as if he needed me to understand, not as if he were losing it.. He had gone unlikely calm. It made me unbelievably uneasy with him at that moment. "I believe I can change Draco. I think he is so…pig-headed at this point that he's letting someone guide him. It used to be his father, but…he's out of his life now. He's confused." He swallowed and leaned his forehead against mine. His voice almost seemed exhausted, but he pressed on. "He's been coming to me for advice, and I think…" He stopped a moment, considering his next words. "I think I can make him stop. I think I can get him out of here, and I want you to come with me."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. It was…stupid. "Severus…that's your plan? To take it and leave it all behind?" I stepped back and rubbed my head. I didn't understand him. I was ready to send him to Bedlam! "But it's…it's You-Know-Who. He'd look for you until he's found you! You can't escape that!"

"There won't be any of my magic to trace if we live like muggles."

I ask you how hot can it get

And as you wipe off beads of sweat

Slowly you say "I'm not there yet!"

"Oh lord. That's your brilliant plan?" For the slight moment I went lightheaded, but it didn't last long. Heat was rising in my face again.

"You don't understand it all," he said, almost pleading. "I lo-"

"Don't say it!" I snapped sticking my index finger in his face. "Just don't say it." I was angered beyond words. My voice stuttered for a good moment before I whipped around just leaving it. He tried to grab my arm, but I shook him off of me, took my keys and climbed back into the car.

"I'M NOT THERE YET!" I shouted at him.

Hope against hope, the engine started on the first turn. I sat there, watching him through the windshield, wondering if he was going to climb in with me. I had had enough of his argument. It was so unlike him, the brilliant Severus Snape, renowned Potions Master, reduced to running from his troubles. It had made me sick. I suddenly felt as if I didn't know him, and he knew it. We had divided and there was no going back over the line he had crossed.

He did not climb in the car after me. Instead, he turned on the spot and Disapparated. I drove off knowing I would probably never see him again.