Disclaimer: I only play with the Buffy world. No ownage involved.
Author's note: Here's my first attempt at a Buffy story, due to be multi-chaptered. I started getting interested in what would happen after the series finale and how the characters would react to it all, because of the whole "be careful what you wish for" thing and it's all bound to leave some scars. There's not much action in this chapter but the next one's going to start things rolling.
After It All Ends
I
It was a long walk home. It was only a short bus ride but she was in one of her crappy moods and Buffy figured that she might as well tame her temper (or try to) and that required time. So here she was, walking home by the longest route possible, wrapping her coat tightly around herself and willing herself to not think because thinking, as she'd found out over the last few months, was a bad, bad thing when it came to her. It brought her bitter memories and confusing nostalgia and wondering what-if's and wasn't she supposed to be happy?
She got her happily-ever-after, or the slayer equivalent. She was no longer the sole Slayer. She had plenty of help if the world ever nearly came to an end again. She was free to be a normal twenty-something woman, or close to it. And she wasn't happy. In her rare, truly honest moments, she even admitted that she was unhappy but she couldn't seem to work out why; not entirely to her satisfaction anyway.
"Hey, you're home," And Buffy felt like, yeah, maybe she was because Dawn's smile was so warm and loving and god she was glad she had her fake real sister with her. "I was wondering if something came up, like, you know..."
Of course she did. "Nah, I just thought I'd walk home. I just needed some air. Long day at work today..." With disgusting, annoying, sweaty, smelly customers at the burger joint. Was she really so hopeless that she couldn't get a better job? At least she was doing part-time college now. That was something normal and happy and she should be grateful for that. And wasn't Willow supposed to be coming over today?
"Willow said she'll drop by after dinner. She's bringing us dessert." Not for the first time Buffy wondered if Dawn was a mind-reader. She could be incredibly dense and obtuse at times and then others, it was almost like she was having a conversation with what Buffy was thinking. It was kind of creepy but also semi-cool and totally not worth probing into. Of course, there were those thoughts about Spike and sex and...ok, maybe she should look into it. She really, really hoped that Dawn couldn't read her mind when she had been with Spike... That would be majorly awkward.
But first, "Cool, what's for dinner? Or am I cooking it tonight?" She wasn't in the mood for cooking but eating she could do happily, especially if dessert was involved later.
"Nah, I cooked for us. Well, it's just pasta with pesto-"
"Pasta with pesto sounds great." And she genuinely meant, along with the smile she was smiling at Dawn now. It was definitely more than anything she could have cooked tonight. "Thanks, Dawn. Anyway, how was school and things and...everything?"
"Oh, yeah, it was great." Dawn lied unconvincingly.
"Dawn," Buffy drawled with amusement. "Ok, what's wrong? What's wrong with school?" Mentally, she went through the usual suspects – boys, friends, popularity, work, cheerleaders (they still annoyed the hell out of Buffy and this was after everything went to hell, practically literally), clothes, make-up...although those two kind of tied in with the whole popularity thing.
"No, really, it's great." Even Dawn couldn't fool herself into thinking that her smile was persuasive. And seeing the knowing look on Buffy's face crumbled any desire she had to not overburden her sister with the desire to share, to connect and be understood. "Ok, it all just seems so...pointless. After everything we've been through, after everything we've seen and done, who the hell cares about trigonometry and...and old, dead presidents and stupid things like that? It just doesn't seem...relevant or important. Know what I mean?" She added almost shyly, hoping that Buffy did understand.
"Yeah, I felt the same way but...you sort of need to pass those classes to graduate and then go to college. And you really need to go to college to get a decent job. Trust me, burger joints are only fun to work in on TV. Reality sucks."
"Yeah, I guess," Dawn half-shrugged. Even if she agreed with her sister, it didn't mean she had to like it. And man she really hated history. It wasn't even interesting history, like the Spanish civil war or the French Revolution. Dead presidents were just painfully dull. "Anyway, dinner time?" she said hopefully.
It was eleven before Willow left, leaving behind the apple pie that she'd made. It meant bed time for both Dawn and Buffy because Andrew and Xander were the ones patrolling today (with her and Willow's number on constant speed dial, of course). It meant Buffy got a few nights to herself, which was great and she'd loved it, at first. Now, it kind of...bored her. This whole city was dead, or rather, not undead enough. There wasn't much happening and she was feeling a certain Slayer restlessness and she was now back to wondering what the hell was wrong with her and what was wrong with this life? Because she was really starting to think that maybe there was something actually wrong, not psychologically or emotionally with her but something...solid or supernatural or aura-wise or something. And she was far too moody and sleepy to deal with it today so maybe she'll start focussing on it tomorrow? Not like there was any huge threat to deal with right now anyway. And she was back to missing life in Sunnydale, whatever the hell it had been. Ah well, new day, new beginning or something like that, and she'd work everything out tomorrow. This town was really far too quiet and she'd learnt by now that that usually meant it was the eye of the storm. So all she really had to do was work out what storm this was. No biggie.
"Dawny? I was thinking we should have a meeting tomorrow, the whole Scooby gang. I've got a feeling something's coming up."
"Yeah, it's way too quiet, right?" came the muffled reply from Dawn's room. When had she become so...perceptive?
"Exactly what I'm thinking," She paused, as another idea took form. "Hey, what kind of cookies should we have tomorrow?"
"Ooh, coconut, chocolate chip and hazelnuts?"
"Three kinds of cookies?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. That was going too far, even for her.
"No, like, all together." Dawn popped her head out of her room to look appraisingly at her sister. "I'm going to have to make it, aren't I?"
"Sorry kiddo. I bring home the bacon, you cook it. That's what the partnership is all about." Buffy replied perkily, contemplating what coconut, chocolate chips and hazelnut would take like together.
"Hey Buff?" She sounded so tentative that Buffy turned around to look at her, puzzlement spread across her face. "I miss him too, you know. I sort of...miss him a lot."
"Who?" The question left her lips before she could take it back because of course Buffy knew who she was talking about. She just hadn't known that Dawn was missing him as well, enough to mention it.
"Spike." She said quietly before closing the door to her room and leaving Buffy outside in the hallway, back to thinking about Sunnydale, missing the fights and the people and the home, and Spike.
