Everyone had found a place to rest on the Millenium Falcon.
Fatigue had settled in as adrenaline had slowly but surely drained each and every one of the remaining Resistance Fighters. The silence grew louder with every parsec they distanced themselves from Crait and they all came to terms with the fact that they were the only survivors. That their friends and family had died and that their fleet had been diminished to one single banged-up old Corellian Light Freighter.
Poe had joined Chewie in the cockpit. Finn was still sitting with Rose, obviously trying to stay awake but not really succeeding much. Leia had retired early, claiming Han's old quarters. She was a strong woman but she had been seriously injured and still needed plenty of rest. Not to mention how taxing this day had been on her.
The other members of the Resistance had insisted that Rey take the other bunk, granting her some much-needed privacy on this suddenly too crowded freighter. She seemed to be their new beacon, replacing Luke as the new and only Force User they had. She was their new hope. The responsibility of that expectation almost made it impossible to breathe…
The near silence on the Falcon was both unsettling and soothing.
Rey took a deep breath and went to the room they had appointed her.
Once she was inside, she closed the door and leaned her forehead against it.
Alone at last, she couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face.
She kept seeing the look in Ben's eyes, as he sat there on his knees, looking up at her with such despair in his eyes. She could still hear his mental plea echoing in her mind.
Don't leave me, Rey.
Her heart squeezed almost painfully at the reminder. It squeezed even harder as she remembered his plea on the Supremacy to join him. To stand with him.
You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You are nothing… But not to me.
The way his voice had sounded broken and fragile when he almost whispered please.
And she had been so tempted. So tempted!
But she couldn't. She couldn't turn away from the people who counted on her.
Finn, Leia, Chewie, BB8, C3PO, R2D2, all the people at the Resistance. They were counting on her, they cared about her, she cared about them. She couldn't walk away from them, not after all they had been through.
She knew that she had done the right thing, that she had made the right decision.
But why then was she feeling so torn inside? So lost? As if a part of her had stayed behind with him.
The image of him lying on that throne room floor when she had woken up after their fight for the lightsaber, unconscious, was burned on the back of her eyelids. She had rushed to his side, panicking at the thought that he might be hurt or dead.
When she realized he was still breathing, that his heart was still beating, that he wasn't really wounded, she let out a small cry of relief. She had brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead gently as she had whispered Come back to me, Ben. Please..
She had gotten up to leave, making absolutely sure not to look back. She knew if she did, she wouldn't be able to leave him.
And now the memory haunted her. Another tear ran down her cheek.
The only one who knew what was going on, who she would have been able to talk to, had been Luke. And now even he was gone.
She had no one to talk to. Once again, she was all alone.
Without any warning, she felt the back of her neck prick. A mechanically induced white noise sounded softly around her. She felt her heart expand and pull in a way she had countless times before.
The Bond…
Space.
Nothing but the vastness of space around them.
Under normal circumstances, the sight brought him a semblance of peace. Or rather, it could calm his usually erratic temper.
Right now however, as he stood in front of the windows in his personal quarters, it tormented him. It mocked him.
The galaxy seemed as quiet and forlorn as the Force Bond he shared with her.
She was out there somewhere. Out of his reach. Both physically and in the Bond.
It confused him. This way he was feeling right now.
He was consumed by emotions he had not allowed himself to feel so fully in years. He felt anger, rage, fury, yes. He was familiar with those emotions. Thrived on them. They fed his power in the Dark Side and he always embraced them with gratitude.
But he also felt hurt. So incredibly wounded. Rejected. Abandoned…
The pain was of a different kind than it had ever been in the past. He didn't want to admit it, but he missed her. He hadn't been fully dislodged from her like this in what felt like weeks. It was like a part of him was missing. Which was ridiculous. But still…
He kept reliving the despair he had felt when they had last seen each other through the Bond.
She had looked at him, her hand hovering over the control panel for the door, and he could feel her conflict through the Force.
She had wanted to stay with him. He had felt it. Had felt the indecision. The conflict.
But he had also clearly seen the disappointment in her eyes. Had felt her disappointment and sadness down to his bones. She had expected to save him. To turn him. When he had saved her by killing Snoke, when he had fought by her side against the Praetorians, she had thought he had chosen the Light over the Dark. Until he had spoken up, unwilling to save that pitiful fleet of Resistance Fighters.
All he had wanted, all he had craved was her by his side as they started a new era in the galaxy.
Together, they would have been able to create a new way of life. A new Order. A new time, where everyone would be content with.
He felt a strange sensation overtake him again, much like what he had felt right after she had closed the door on the Falcon. His heart – or what was left of it – suddenly felt constricted. As if she had taken it out of his chest and squeezed it in front of his eyes. The pain was so intense, he would rather be shot by Chewie's bowcaster again. He closed his eyes, pushing his fingers against his closed lids. The physical pain would not even come close to relieving the turmoil in his soul.
The regret had come as soon as he had seen her standing there lookind down at him.
He had mentally begged her not to leave him. Didn't she know that he needed her?
And when she had closed that door, he had heard the echoes reverberate in his ears, his mind, his heart and his soul. And he felt an irrational fear creep in as a thought formed in his mind.
Now that Snoke was gone, would their Bond disappear as well?
After all, Snoke had admitted to forging it as a trap. He had felt a semblance of betrayal when he first heard the Supreme Leader say it, but something inside him whispered that it would only have been a matter of time.
If that were true, then why was he not sensing her anymore? Seeing her? Hearing her?
He hated this obsession he had with her. But he would risk his life if he could talk to her just once more.
His hand came up to touch the cold glass and he leaned his head against it. To his dismay, he felt a single tear run down his cheek, right down the scar she had given him on Starkiller.
When she branded me as hers…
He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. As he tried to calm his breathing, something around him shifted. The hairs on the back of his neck pricked and he felt his stomach tremble. The sensation was familiar and strange at the same time. Beeps and creaks reached him, though faintly. He knew these sounds. He knew what emitted them. The Falcon
Memories of flying with Han rushed back to him briefly. Sitting on his lap. Han teaching him how to fly. Han telling him not to tell his mother, or they would both be in trouble. He frowned at the memories, a strange combination of happiness and sadness. This is crazy…
He turned to see where the sounds came from and there she was. Leaning her forehead against the door in the same stance he had adopted mere seconds ago.
He stopped breathing, afraid that he was imagining things. He didn't dare move for fear of this image to disappear.
Her head came up and she tilted her head ever so slightly.
"Ben? Is that you?"
Her voice, just barely above whisper, sounded like music to his ears. She sounded hopeful. Or was that his own desire? He kept silent, not wanting to mess up yet again.
And then she turned around and faced him. There was nowhere left to hide.
"Ben."
