i don't own Alias. don't sue. if ever i am violating anything, please email me and due actions would be taken.
this is my very first songfic. for those who do not know the song, fyi: this is the song played on the pier scene of sydney and vaughn episode 1.04 if i am not mistaken =)
Angel
ANGEL
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
It was raining outside, which was not a typical LA scenario.
It rarely rained in LA, but for some reason, it reflected what he was feeling.
Michael Vaughn sat on a chair in front of the window of his apartment, staring at the raindrop spluttering against the glass. Clad only in his white tank top and a pair of blue, faded pyjama bottoms, he sipped his three-fourths full beer, eyes still glued to nothingness.
As much as he wanted to drown himself in spirit, he was taking it gradually because he was still recovering from his recent brush with death.
How he loved to get drunk, even just for a night.
To be numb.
Unfeeling.
Just for a night.
"Tell me how you feel about my daughter," Irina had said when he asked her for the cure.
How do you respond to a personal inquiry of a mother? "That's none of your business," he had said instead, evading the request he, too, was evading himself.
"Are you in love with her?"
The question had caught him off-guard. It was the same question his brain was asking, the answer his heart is not giving.
He let out a deep breath and brought up his other hand to his forehead, pressing firmly his thumb and forefinger on his temple, as if the pressure would ease up his headache… would vanish the face haunting him.
Sydney Bristow.
He could still feel her. Her scent still enveloped his senses. If it had been in a different location instead of the headquarters, he would never let her go. But there were factors to consider. She was tied to SD-6, leaving it would mean endangering her life. He was tied to CIA, breaking protocol would end his role as her handler.
It was protocol that was binding them together as agent and asset.
It was also protocol that was keeping them apart as man and woman.
Vaughn drank from his bottle again and leaned back on his seat, eyes closed. He could not forget the look on her face when he brought up Alice. He needed to explain. Why the hell did it not occur to him to edit his emergency contact? It was almost a year ago since they broke up. It was only plain acquaintance. What they had before was history. He never felt anything for Alice the way he was feeling right now with Sydney. That earth-shaking, knees-buckling, warm feeling he had whenever Sydney was around. He wanted to tell her everything.
But Sydney would not listen.
She opted not to listen to his explanation, which disturbed him. If she cared, she would want to know the real deal with Alice. She would want to know what he felt, the story behind. God knows, he would want a detailed explanation himself should similar thing happened to her. Like when Noah Higgs came into the picture. Or if Will or some other guy would come into the picture, which he prayed would not be the case.
He took another long sip from his bottle, which brought its contents to half. Vaughn released a deep breath and chuckled softly.
What a situation they were in: her mother killed his father.
Funny thing was, he never felt any grudge on her. Never felt resentment, bitterness or anger at her. Quite the opposite. He rather felt the urge to protect her, to comfort her. To love her.
Vaughn combed his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes.
Love.
He could tell that the alcohol had clouded his thoughts, that he had too much drink already. That was the word he had been avoiding to even think and yet he was thinking about it just now.
He berated himself. He should not put Sydney and love together. He must not. In their complicated world, he must maintain the divider. He must---
His reverie was halted by his celphone ringing. He straightened from his seat and looked at the clock. It was already past midnight and he was on leave, for heaven's sake. Devlin was the person who came to his mind. He would have left the phone ringing if not for the sound making his head ached so much.
"Vaughn," he said gruffly said after the third ring.
"Hi," answered the voice on the other line, somewhat broken.
"Sydney?" he asked uncertain, thinking it was the beer that he heard her voice.
"Vaughn, I—" she broke off. "Are you alone?"
"Yeah." He heard a sigh and, if he heard right, a sob. Why the hell would she ask if he was---? Alice. He smiled. If she had listened to his explanation that afternoon, she would not even ask if he was alone. "Syd, are you all right?" he asked concerned.
Then she cried. He could hear her suppressing her sobs.
"Syd, where are you?" he asked, alarmed.
"A block from the warehouse. I am calling from a payphone. Vaughn, I know it's late but could you--?"
"Meet me there in fifteen minutes," he said, cutting her off.
He heard her released a deep breath. "Thank you," she said and hanged up.
He quickly changed to shirt and jeans, grabbed his jacket and keys then sprinted out of his apartment. He arrived at the warehouse ten minutes after, not remembering if he ever followed any stoplights. All that mattered was to get to Sydney as soon as possible.
Vaughn heard her sobs as soon as he entered the door. He found her sitting on one of the lower crates, arms around her legs, wet just like when she confronted her father.
"Sydney," he said.
Sydney looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes. "Vaughn, I am not sure if I could take this anymore," she stated.
"What's wrong?" he asked, leaning on the table in front of her.
She gave a humorless laugh. "Everything is wrong. I have a dysfunctional family. I have to lie to save the butts of my parents. This whole espionage thing is getting out of hand. Even my friends are dragged into my dismal life. I have to keep on lying to Francie. I should be glad that Will knows about me, but I am not. It's something I am not proud of. There are still a lot of things I could not tell him." She started sobbing again. "Oh, Vaughn."
Sydney stood up and threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. She nestled her head on his neck and cried. "I am sorry but I just need somebody tangible, Vaughn. Even just for tonight."
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent revelry
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
Vaughn's arms tightened his hold, fitting her more firmly into his embrace.
"I almost lost you," Sydney said, her voice was muffled because her head was pressed at the crook of his neck. "Because of me I almost lost you."
"You didn't loose me," he assured her. His hand combed through her hair. "And you won't loose me."
"You're the only one I can trust. You're the only who knows everything about me. When I thought of how you almost died, I – I—Oh, Vaughn." Sydney broke into tears again.
Vaughn ran his other hand up and down her back, trying to ease her pain. As much as he wanted to tell her how he feels, he could not. CIA did not tolerate relationships breaking the protocol. She would be given a new handler and her cover for SD-6 would be jeopardized. That, he could not take.
"It's ok, Syd."
They stayed like that for several minutes. Sydney somehow had ceased her tears but remained in his embrace. Vaughn felt his shirt soaked but he could not care less. Still he held her close. Then as quickly as she went to his embrace, she broke off it suddenly, pushing herself from him wiping her tears away.
"Sorry," she said.
"There's nothing to be sorry about," he reassured her.
"It's way past midnight and you should get your rest," she said, a trace of dimpled smile as she looked into his eyes. "Alice maybe waiting for—"
"Alice is a friend," he said, cutting her off. "Just like Will is to you."
They both stared at each other, assessing. Then Sydney nodded her head and dropped her look.
Vaughn lovingly wandered his gaze through her face. He reached out and ran his hand up and down her arm. "Are you ok now?" he asked.
"Yeah," she nodded, eyes still looking down. "Yeah, I am." Then she looked at him in the eyes again. With her other hand, she held his hand on her arm. "Remember when I said don't explain?" he nodded. "I wanted you to but you should not. I hope you're not angry at me for---"
"I'm not."
They looked at each other again.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Sydney said and started to turn around.
"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," he repeated.
Sydney looked back and smiled at him. "Thanks, Vaughn, for being there." With that, she left him alone in the warehouse.
Vaughn stood there for God knew how long. There were numerous incoherent things going through his head. All leading to Sydney. Finally he shook his head and started to leave himself. He would try to bring things back to normal tomorrow. He should concentrate on bringing SD-6 down with Sydney's help. Then he'll worry about tomorrow. One day, when all's well, he would tell her everything. He would start a new life. With her.
But for the meantime, he would rather have that kind of clandestine rendezvous with his Angel.
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i know the song is not finished. depends on my mood but am planning on writing Sydney's side for the continuation of Angel.
R&R =)
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