Things between Annie and me were never easy. It was the first summer after all of our duties as the Hunger Games victor team. I had to spend a couple of extra weeks at the Capitol, while she headed to her party, back at District 4. We couldn't keep in touch, so I was anxiously waiting for the moment I'd hold her again in my arms, smell the salt in her hair, wipe the sand off her skin.
We got closer during the tour. We became more than just tribute and mentor. She had trouble seeing the families of the dead kids, and I would comfort her. She had trouble leaving the train at the Capitol station, and I carried her in my arms. I didn't make any move, though. Annie had a bit of mental confusion after the arena. Maybe she saw love when I was just taking care of her as a tutor. Or maybe it was love, and I couldn't see it. But, still, Annie crept up on me.
Sometimes, she would have panic attacks and she'd forget who I was, who she was and what the Games were. And she would keep asking why she wasn't at District 4. And few moments later, everything would come back to her, like those big waves that sink fishing boats. And Annie would cry for the rest of the day. I cried too, sometimes. I hated to watch her suffer.
I stepped out of the train at the District's station. I could have traveled in one of the luxurious Capitol trains, but riding one of the old ones that brought the grains meant coming home earlier.
The smell of Capitol Cologne was still on my skin and I was still wearing the fancy clothes the rich madams like me wearing. I took off the tight blue shirt and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get rid of all that gel. I felt too different from all the workers around me, getting the tesseraes. I was too clean, too perfect…Too Capitol. I needed desperately to see Annie, but I needed to be me again first.
Hot sun and blue skies surrounded me as I walked towards the port. The victor's houses were in an island, a few miles away from the coast. I intended to get a boat, but the salt and the waves were calling me. Before I could take a last breath, my feet took me to the edge of the pier and, in a matter of seconds, I felt the warm water hit my skin.
Gel and cologne were leaving my body, and those last weeks were leaving my brain. Only when my lungs cried for air, I pulled me up and got back to the surface. I slowly moved my arms and legs, moving towards the island. The sunlight hit my face as my feet softly brushed the seaweed below them.
It took me about five minutes to reach the island, and, only when I reached my pier, was that I realized I still had the black Capitol pants on. I took them off at the water and tied them where my boat was supposed to be.
It was very hard for me to leave the water. My head ached from the alcohol I drank. My body was full of scratches and lipstick marks. The little souvenirs I always brought from the parties. When my muscles found the courage to pull me up to the pier, I just laid there, eyes closed and sunlight drying my skin.
I don't know how much time I spent in that position, but, when I opened my eyes again, the sky was a bit darker and the sun was lower, which meant the night would soon approach. As I walked towards my door, I glanced at Annie's house. I wanted to run there and see her, but I was only wearing my boxers, and besides, her windows were dark, so she probably wasn't at the island.
As I entered home, I proceeded straight to the shower. The water wasn't as warm as at the Capitol, and the soap didn't make you skin as smooth. But, still, it was a thousand times better. After finishing, I applied the expensive medicine to avoid scars that I received as part of my payment. Rich lady don't find scars very sexy.
By the time I was done dressing up with a plain shirt and my old fishing pants, I heard a motor boat arriving the island. "Annie" I whispered to myself as I ran downstairs, towards the door. Annie's pier, however, was still empty.
"Hey" I shouted to Mags, who was unloading some shopping bags. "Need any help?"
"Finnick! I didn't know you'd be back today." She answered as I got some of her bags. "When did you arrive? Did you eat already?" Mags was a sort of mom to me ever since I was reaped.
"I arrived around noon, I think. And no, I'm starving!" We walked towards her house. She asked me about the Capitol, and I asked her about Annie.
"Oh, she arrived fine, but she's staying at her parents' house for a while, I believe." Mags said, while she served me a bowl of shrimp stew. Annie's parents didn't move in with her after the game, like mine. She had a younger sister, who was still at school, and her family's fishing net's business was still up and running
"I see" I tell Mags. "Well, I guess I'll go home and rest, then. Maybe I'll go see her tomorrow." I finished eating, helped Mags with the dishes and walked back home. It was already very dark, so I lit the torches along the piers that were used to light the way and also warn boats that the Island exists.
Although I told Mags I was going to rest, I didn't. Instead, I sat at my pier, looking at the continent in the distance. I didn't feel tired. I missed Annie. I wanted to see her and hold her again. I never understood this feeling, even in the years after. How I fell for her…Why I fell for her. Nothing had happened before the games, we didn't even know each other. Nothing happened until the tour. And I wasn't sure about it, about my feelings, until that last party. I was escorting a 40 year old widow, a month after her husband had died. I don't think "mourning" was ever on her dictionary at all.
Finnick Odair was a valuable luxury, straight from District 4. The exotic lover anyone could have, as long as they could pay. Not pay me, of course (although I received part of the profit), but I got my rewards. And that night I was delivering the full price companionship package. After the party a car took us to the lady's apartment, in a rather colorful area of the Capitol.
As soon as we entered the place, I felt her lips crashing into mine and her long sharp nails digging the muscles of my back. I was already used to the noises and the moves. I was a horny teenager when I started this job. I even liked it then. I like the idea of free sex. But with time, I became numb. Everything was automatic. I was just a Capitol puppet.
There was only one thing that kept me going. My reward: Secrets. I knew everything about everyone that mattered at the Capitol. And as them madam told me who was cheating on who, I realized who was the real cheater. I was cheating on Annie, even if nothing real had happened between us. And I felt really dirty.
I woke up feeling better the next morning. Annie's pier was still empty, unlike mine. Mags, I thought. I went downstairs to the kitchen in order to eat some breakfast. My fridge was quite empty, so I would have to go shopping after I saw Annie. Maybe I'd take her with me and cook something for us.
Cooking is one of my hidden talents. Sometimes my father would spend the whole month out in the sea, and I had to help my mom with my younger brothers. Mother passed away a year before my reaping, and my brothers work with my dad at the docks now, so I rarely see my family.
Walking towards the pier, I noticed Mags had laid the black pants on the grass so they would dry. I entered the boat and headed towards the continental part of the District. Upon arriving at the port, I was saluted by some sailors. The place was crowded, and I wondered if any boat was coming back and if my brothers or my father were on it.
I made my way through the people and arrived at the main street, where most of the shops were located. There was a big flower shop two blocks ahead of me, and I thought about buy something for Annie. The store was enormous and they sold every sort of flower, bouquet or breakfast basket. A young and cheerful attendant showed me tons of different flowers, ranging from regular daisies to shiny violets that played music.
Everything seemed either too normal or too Capitol, and I was about to give up when I saw the perfect gift. It was a white rose; its petals were decorated with little blue waves that seemed to move, depending on the light position. The store girl told me that one was a new model, crafted entirely in District 4, instead of coming from the Capitol.
After leaving the flower shop, I finally headed to Annie's house. Her family lived in a wealthy neighborhood, populated mostly by store owners and businessmen. The houses there were probably the best in the district, after the ones at Victor's Island, of course. Annie's place was one of the last ones, by the end of the street. It was surrounded by a white fence and a beautiful garden. Her mother was sitting at the porch, reading a book, when I arrived.
"Excuse, Mrs. Cresta?" I shouted form the street.
"Oh, hello Finnick!" She said with a Capitol-like accent. Maybe she thought it made her somewhat fancy. "Come in!" She stood up, leaving the book on her chair.
"Is Annie home?" I asked, walking towards her. "Mags said she's staying here."
"Oh, Finnick, darling, maybe it's best you don't see her. Ever since she came back, Annie's been a little more confused. She's having some trouble processing everything that happened. She doesn't remember many things."
"But where is she?" I asked. The thought of Annie losing it again and forgetting everything started to burn my mind. I needed to see her. I needed to protect her. "Where is Annie?" I was shouting now.
"She's at the back yard, but I don't think you sh-" I didn't listen to the rest. I ran around the house, towards the yard. Before I could see her, I heard her voice. She was happy and laughing. But when my eyes finally found her, she wasn't alone. She was wrapped around someone else's arms.
"Toph! Stop it!" She half screamed, half laughed as he tickled her stomach. It was Tophller, her boyfriend from before the games: The one that didn't even say goodbye to her when she left for the Capitol; The reason why she cried for hours during the trip; The one who was, now, caressing her dark hair, her tanned skin, telling her jokes, playing with her. Playing with Annie. My Annie.
Some sort of fire ran through my body. It was a type of rage I only felt at the arena. My hand let go of the rose. I held back a scream and, a second later, I let my hand become a fist. Then the hot and red liquid that keeps my body alive started to drip, as I shattered the window beside me.
