I Can't Believe Harry Potter's a Demon

Disclaimer: The characters, world, and all things Disgaea is copyrighted to Nippon Ichi Software, Atlus USA, Inc., NIS America/Europe, and Square Enix. The world and all characters and things Harry Potter is copyrighted to author J.K Rowling. I don't own anything else mentioned in a crossover from anime/manga, video games, TV shows, music, movies, comics, and etcetera. All I own is any original characters in the Disgaea style of vassal creations, and this idea of a crossover story.

Author's Note: This is after reading a really awesome Disgaea/Harry Potter story on this whole website that has not been abandoned, and was finished completely. This is more humor than anything else and a light bashing of Dumbledore and his entourage. But mainly, it's supposed to be funny with a side of perversion, exploding Prinnies, and a reincarnated Lily Potter as a Prinny.


A young looking male stands on a cliff. He wears a black hakama with short plated steel red boots with dual armored belts, long black gloves that reach to his elbows with red crystal bracelets, fishnet shirt, and a sleeveless black haori; the top portion of the silk haori is crafted of reinforced red leather and blue-grey steel. He has shoulder-length dark hair in semi gravity-defying locks with three long zigzags of white streaks which sway in the wind, partly hiding his vivid green eyes. He has a scarred marking on his face which is X-shaped, the center of the scar positioned on the bridge of the nose, and a second smaller one shaped like a jagged lightning bolt partially hidden by his hair on the temple of the forehead. A purple katana is somehow strapped to his back without any straps or sword sheaths.

His long pointed ears twitch a bit to footsteps coming from his right. His eyes trail over to a girl with similar lengthened pointed ears. She wears a black leather tube top and mini-skirt with knee-high boots and a choker with a silver skull on it. Her hair was maroon, held in two unkempt pigtails that splayed out. She has two short bat wings on her back, and a tail twitches behind her. Her choice of weapon was a long iron spear capable of transforming into an axe. These two demons of 1400+ and 1500+ age have been very bored as of late and left to go out and just cause some chaos in the form of finding weak demons to, in internet speak, "PWN DOWN!"... Either that or play a game of Prinny Football, and Etna didn't feel like playing Prinny Football. Laharl would bitch at them for causing a ruckus and waking him up from his naps.

"Etna, my love... you took your sweet time."

She smiles seductively. "I had fun teasing my share of enemies, Lightning."

Lightning smirked.

"So, Etna... now what do we do?"

"We could screw around and scare the kids again with the moans and creaking bed?"

Lightning grins at the rather adult suggestion. But, before the loving couple could go about and disappear and scare everyone with their "activities", a portal appears and they are summoned out of the Netherworld.

... What the hell just happened?

=0=0=0=

Well, what the hell had happened was in the Human World, in the country known as England, there was a home that was hidden from the other humans. Inside this house was a group of "special humans" that had the ability to use mana. Collectively, they are wizards and witches. The year in this world is 1996. There is an evil wizard who calls himself Lord Voldemort, and his name was so terrifying the other magic users of this hidden society of magic practitioners are so frightened to even utter it in a whisper.

In 1982, a too forceful smack to silence a crying baby killed infant Harry Potter. The perpetrator, Vernon Dursley, was hanged for his dark crimes when a snooping neighbor snooped about and in their garbage for some reason. Yeah. The soul of Harry got dragged into the Netherworld because of this malignant evil soul fragment latched to his mortal body. The fragment got stuck in Limbo, and Harry's soul now in the Netherworld would eventually grow up to become the Magic Demon Swordsman, Lightning, alongside his only friend in the Netherworld, Etna.

Time differs from realm to realm, of course. For the hundreds of years Harry/Lightning had been in the Netherworld, in the Human World, the death of Harry Potter would destroy the confidence of many, especially when Voldemort had resurrected himself in 1994 and would be undefeated since the only person who CAN defeat the Dark Lord, according to some crackpot prophecy, was dead. The Order of the Phoenix has had so much trouble trying to fight off the Dark Lord, and many still believed it was Harry Potter's fault for not living. Yeah. That's the majority who were the sheep.

The Order finally conceited into doing something very drastic: summoning a demon and sending it to kill the Dark Lord. Thus, we come to right now. The flash of unholy light faded, and the runes that were drawn into the living room floor burned themselves from existence, leaving behind a bare wood floor. In what was once a runic circle for a summoning ritual, were two figures that looked to be young teenagers surrounded by the slowly fading smoke. They looked like teenagers, but with long pointed ears and one of them sporting black bat wings and a long heart-tipped tail.

"Where the fuck are we, Etna?"

"We got summoned." And the female voice took on an annoyed tone, "By humans, no less."

The smoke finally cleared enough. Yeah, that's what the Order of the Phoenix were greeted with after a successful summoning... two teens with pointed ears and the girl had wings and a tail.

The boy's voice turned to mild disgust. "Great..."

The humans all wore similar common things: robes and each had various different sticks pointed at them.

"I doubt humans could even use magic in most realms, but apparently they can here. I can feel that familiar pull of magical energy. What the hell do you people want? Do you even have any idea how dangerous it is to summon powerful demons?"

"We are prepared," said the old man with the long beard and the rather colorful robes he wore. The batty old man must be color-blind. No respecting demon, monster, and humanoid in the Netherworld would be caught dead in such brightly colorful garbs. If bright colors were used, it followed a tone that mixed bright with dark/white. Not this eyesore with... are those stars and moons TWINKLING?

"Prepared? Yeah right. You must be senile to wear such colorful clothing, old man," Lightning scoffed.

The two tried to leave via one of Lightning's special Teleport Crystals, however nothing happened. Yes the diamond-shaped crystal let out its glow signaling it activated, but it vanished without taking its two passengers.

"What the fuck?" Etna yelled. "Lightning!"

"Something's blocking us!" He yells back at her.

"As I said, we are prepared. You were summoned to serve us and when you have finished your task, you will be banished back to whence you came," said the old man with the colorful robes.

The two demons glare at the old man. Then Lightning sighed roughly, brushing back his hair from his eyes. In this instance, it revealed his lightning bolt scar on his temple before the hair partly covers it again. But those that saw this scar (other than the X-shaped one) were now silent as death itself.

"Well, now what, Lightning?" Etna asks her lover.

"We do what the hell they want, and then we leave when we're free from this stupid service. Damn humans," he mutters in the end.

"Shit..."

If Lightning knew anything about demon summoning, having done studies into it in the past, Etna knew the boy would have some ideas of what this summoning was to entail. As if sensing her thoughts, Lightning speaks up.

"Since we got summoned and they are indeed prepared... we are tasked with a mission of sorts. And it has to do with this."

The preparation the old man spoke of is a seal that binds them to their service, which forms from the runes that weren't on their wrists minutes ago. The symbol in question was that of a skull with a snake-like fiend slithering through the skull's opening and around it. It looked rather tacky...

"What a tacky design," Etna comments on the symbol.

"So, who are we to kill?"

Dumbledore blinked. "You are to defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort." The old man ignored how everyone around him flinches at the name of the evil wizard.

Etna merely raised an eyebrow at how the old man's comrades flinch at a person's name.

"Voldemort?" Insert flinches by all but Dumbledore and the two demons. "Sounds like a gay name," she said.

Lightning laughs. "I agree. Sounds like a name some petulant child created to make himself feel superior. I'm ashamed to even speak that name with my tongue. I feel dirty for some reason."

"We can take a shower and I'll wash away all the grime from you," Etna whispers seductively.

"Maybe after we finish with this little mission forced on us, Etna... I'll make sure this Volde-dude person is killed or my name isn't Harry Potter."

"That WAS your name before you changed it to Lightning," Etna said.

Harry Potter was Lightning's human name before turning into a demon, in part to some strange soul fragment riddled with enough sins that it would drag a pure soul like Lightning's down with it. In a sense, Lightning would be a fallen angel-type demon; never given a chance to go to Celestia, or Heaven, whatever you wanna call it. Magic Demon Swordsman Harry Potter for some reason doesn't inspire fear into lesser fiends or vassals. Magic Demon Swordsman Lightning on the other hand sounds like a fancier title. That and Lightning literally can control electricity at his whims.

"Yeah well changing it to something more awesome was the intention when I was six hundred years old," he retorted, both demons unaware of the shit storm they had just stirred up mentioning the name Harry Potter.

"Yeah, and the first five hundred years you went by a human name like Harry Potter. The jokes I could make with your old name," she giggles, making Lightning give a deadpan expression.

"Shut up, Etna."

She merely gives Lightning the middle finger.

Lightning draws his blade in an instant, and deflects a spell fired by a human who looked positively enraged.

"How dare you!"

"Sirius, enough!" the old man shouts, releasing his mana aura. An intimidation tactic if anything else; useful to also get your vassals under control...

"Hm? Now what's the matter with you scruffy?" Lightning sneers at this point. "Something tells me my old name has some meaning to you. But I know that I've never known you before in all my fifteen hundred years of living."

"Maybe it's another person. Harry IS a rather common mundane name, Lightning," says Etna, explaining simple logic.

The blade is sheathed away. "Yeah, maybe you're right." Lightning looks at the runes and the bracelet made of spokes, before releasing the hold that allowed the magic to be visible; this has the display of the target vanish from his palm. He glances at Etna once more. "So... What do you want to do?"

"Do whatever these idiots want then we can go back home. Besides, knowing Laharl, the twerp will start looking for us when Flonne discovers us missing... and complain about why we disappeared again."

Lightning pulls out from his personal mallet space some music peripherals such as a Boom Box/CD Player. "Sounds about right... She's always hyper when it comes to the power of friendship and stuff like that... I swear it's like she's got that crap from watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

"I wonder how Discord is. It's been awhile since he dropped by unannounced."

Yes, apparently in some weird way, the cartoon show has a living, breathing, actual existence of Equestria in one of the many alternative universes amongst the expanding multiverse. And well, as a God of Chaos, Discord's just that damn cool.

So, it's been accepted some humans that can perform mage arts have summoned them and binded them to do a task which was to destroy some evil wannabe Overlord bad-guy. Etna found this to be in distaste but at the moment, she was bored out of her mind. So, being on Earth (or an Earth where that human guy named Gordon with the busty chick and talking robot did not reside at), they had nothing better to do except look for this so-called Dark Lord Voldemort.

Lightning found it extremely ironic that these people had so much power with these mage skills of theirs, and yet the mention of the wizard's name had all of them but the old man to flinch in fear. What pussies. The name Voldemort sounded so gay. But if Etna found all of this crap to be a waste of her time she is likely to go on a minor temper tantrum that involves tons of property damage.

At least the old man was giving them a comfortable room to use as a temporary place to live in while they were summoned to perform their little task as indicated by the binding runes on their wrists. Said room had been reorganized. Everything that pre-furbished the room had been thrown out or sent flying down the stairs (literally, in fact) and refurbished with their own bed, couches, desk, as well as a rack filled with various weapons located within a special cabinet.

And said room had its door shut, and for the past ten minutes since the redecoration, foreign music (at least to the magicals) can be heard blaring very loudly. Lightning cranked the volume up a bit louder.

"Just love this song..."

Etna laughs.

I'm on a quest of which I know that I can never fail
I will prevail
Even though there may be many foes stalking my trail
I'm in love
Weak at the knees and yeah I'm growing pale
Only one thing left to do
Touch Fluffy Tail

=0=0=0=0=

The very next morning, there was a scream and that had every adult that spent the night at the Ancestral and Ancient House of Black rushing to the source. Molly was pointing her wand at... blue penguins with peg legs and wearing pouches on their fronts with short little devil wings. These cartoonish-looking creatures ignored the chaos they had just created by being in the house.

"PRINNY SQUAD! WE'RE HUNGRY! HURRY IT UP!" the voice of Etna shouted from the house's dining room.

"Hurry up before Lady Etna kicks us around again, dood!" one of the Prinnies shouted to the other gangs.

In a world-record attempt, the meal fit for a spoiled king was finished and the stuffed penguins' rushed out of the kitchen amass, bowling over the wizards and witches as they rush away towards the dining hall with plates, trays, and bowls filled with various foods, along with silver wear, champagne glasses, and a bottle of expensive wine. The only Prinny of a different color (pink) glances back into the kitchen.

"What should we do about the elf that tried to kick us out of the house?"

Its voice was distinctively female.

"Leave it to rot, Lily," one of the long-time servants of the Prinny Squad told the younger inexperienced Prinny, walking past with some orange-flavored Jell-O shaped like a bunt cake on a silver plate.

She decides to hurry up; tripping once, but quickly got back up and hurries to catch up with her fellow Prinny. The Prinnies have left behind a huge mess in the kitchen, and Kreacher face down in a pool of its own blood, a large knife stuck in its back and pushed through into the front. In the dining hall of Sirius Black's house, Etna and Lightning sat side-by-side, as they are served by the Prinny Squad. Food of whatever you can imagine laid a delectable spread of exoticness on the table. And on one end of the table was a fully-roasted pig on a spit!

"Delicious as always," said Lightning.

"Thank you, dood!" the entire Prinny Squad squawks.

"So, what are we going to do Etna dear? Considering we're in the human world, people will freak out seeing a girl with pointed ears, wings, and a tail."

She sighs, as the tip of her tail rises up.

"True. Although some humans may know about the underworld, they are mostly religious zealots, or that stupid group of humans that once followed Laharl around shouting about justice or some bull." Honesty she remembered their names, but at the moment did not feel like recalling them to the front of her memory.

"I can pass off as a human well if people don't take note of my sharply-shaped ears," Lightning said, gesturing to his ears; pointed at a long triangular tip, slightly longer in shape than Etna's ears. In most anime or gaming fandoms, we call them pointy elf ears.

"I believe you should hide your ears behind illusion magic. If I'm right about that old wizard man, he'll likely spout off nonsense about hiding our true forms."

Lightning nods, stabbing a piece of roast pork and bites into it.

Sirius peers into the dining room, where the two summoned demons were casually eating a spread of food that would likely be somewhat out of place at Hogwarts. There were common British dishes he could spy, as well as other dishes likely from America, or from foreign countries outside Europe.

They were polite in eating their meal, but at the same time they ate rather fast. Of course, they were hungry and have gone three days without any food. Having a steady source of food for their vassals to create a feast was lucky for them, even if summoned to the human world. With breakfast eventually finished, the Prinnies took all the empty dishes, utensils, and such away, but the couple continued to sip their wine glass.

"Okay, now what? We finally have food in our systems."

"Let's have a chat with the old man. I still need to know what exactly we have to do aside kill some freak they're afraid of."

"Why do that? You'll likely just cause untold amounts of destruction, babe."

Etna sneers. "That's true."

"So, see if those humans will call their master?"

"Why not? One of them have been eavesdropping on us this entire time," Etna answers.

Lightning darts his eyes towards the open door, where after a few seconds, one of the wizards revels himself. It was the man who fussed about his old human name... his old human common name. Lightning looks at the man, what was his name? Started with a star sign or something... oh, yes, Sirius. The Dog Star...

"Dog Star, what do you want?" Lightning asks of the human.

"Why Dog Star, Lightning?"

"What? We already have a vassal in our group called Sirius and I rather not confuse this human for our combat witch," he answers her.

Sirius (not the funny human we all know and love) was one of the vassals that Lightning created from his being when creating a new vassal to replace an old one that died (in such a humiliating way; arrow to the knee). But in some weird cosmic glitch or an extremely stroke of good luck, the vassal Lightning was hoping to create came out very strong.

And with his skills fueling her, she came even more powerful in just a few years. She was considered the Head Vassal of their combined group. And despite the fact she was a hikikomori, when she fights, many weaklings would either end up dead, or shit-pissing scared of her magical prowess. In many ways, you could say she was similar to some other human from another dimension named Patchouli Knowledge; she hates it when other vassals disrespect her property when entering her special haven, but would respect you if you respect her property.

"Oh. That would be true. Since we're here bound to these humans to do their bidding, Sirius would need to make sure our other vassals don't do something stupid while we're gone."

The last time their vassals did something stupid, it cost them quite a large sum of money for damage repairs to the Underworld City. Of course they raided Mid-Boss's castle to pay for the damages.

"Anyway, what do you want of us, Dog Star?" Lightning repeats his earlier question.

Sirius Black decides to ignore the nickname. "What are those things in the kitchen?"

"Prinnies," Etna answers, "They are the reincarnation of sinful humans' souls. Basically, when a human or half-human dies having lived a bad life, such as murder, theft, or all sorts of bad crimes, their souls are sewn into stuffed suits, and thus reborn as Prinnies. Most Prinnies are bad or evil souls, or rarely good souls that have performed an act of sin or acts of such dreadful deed that send them to the underworld."

"The newly created Prinny will serve as a soldier, slave, or servant in the Netherworld or Celestia until it has earned reincarnation, go through the Makai Ritual of the Red Moon, or they work all their sin away by other means. The money they earn in the Netherworld goes towards their reincarnation," Lightning further explains.

"They say Prinnies that work in Celestia have it easier than Netherworld Prinnies. Mostly, they're fun to kick around. They explode when you kick them around like footballs." The Prinnies in the vicinity cowered away upon hearing Etna's tell laugh of incoming Prinny abuse.

"Now, now... we can kick our servants around later, Etna dear. For now, Dog Star, I want to speak with your master, the old man with the colorful robes."

Sirius Black sputtered at being talked like he was... a servant. Well, in some layman's terms, the Order of the Phoenix follows Dumbledore like Death Eaters follow Voldemort...

"Professor Dumbledore is not my master," Sirius tells the two demons.

"But you and those other humans followed him as he summoned us, against our will mind you, thus you're the old man's servants or minions."

Sirius didn't know how to respond to that.

"I wonder how long until they realize they won't see Heaven when they die. Summoning demons for any sort of task basically damns your soul into Hell," Etna says in an off-comment manner. She then sips the rest of her drink.

"Bring the old man to us so we can talk to him on how to get rid of your Dark Lord problem. The sooner it's done, the sooner Etna and I can return back home and scar children with the bed creaking."

Etna smacks him over the head with her trusty spear.

"Don't say that aloud, baka," Etna chastised him with a glare.

"What? You know you want to fuck, Etna," he stated, in which the succubus looks away with a blush forming on her face. Ignoring the blushing glares he knew he was getting as he looks away from said devil girl, he says to Sirius Black, "Go and summon your master so we can chat, Dog Star. We'll be waiting here until then."

Giving Sirius the silent dismissal, Lightning returns to enjoying his glass of wine, ignoring the sputtering from the human wizard. But he soon gets up and walks off, likely to do what Lightning demanded: getting Albus Dumbledore.

They had to wait awhile, because an hour later, the dining table was cleared of everything else, and the two demons were now taking residence in the library of the home they were summoned to. Lightning had his music player with him and was playing some of his favorite JRock and JPop albums he collected from exploring the doorways leading to human worlds (particularly one world where Lightning's Vocaloid collection originated from).

Etna was holding up a jewel case containing a CD in it. "Your Amberoid album has so much worn use into it, Light."

"Hey, not my fault it's one of my most-played and favored albums in my music collection. Plus, it was either the Megurine Luka-centric BEAUTIFUL DREAMER album, or the Kagamine Rin-centric album Amberoid."

They were currently listening to the song BEAUTIFUL DREAMER off the album of the same title. Hey, it's a beautiful song...

Etna sighed. "You're the only demon in Laharl's Castle that listens to music from outside the Netherworld."

Lightning smirked.

"Yeah? I catch you listening to it, Etna."

"Only because of Flonne," she stated.

"That was a horrible lie, Etna dear..."

"Shut up."

Lightning chuckles, before glancing to the doors when he hears the wheels of the sliders creak. In steps the old wizard that lorded over the minions that summoned them.

"Well, the old man decides to grace us with his presence. You took your time."

"Well he IS an old man, Lightning," Etna tells her boyfriend.

"And how many times have lesser demons believed old age equals weakness, Etna?"

"Too many to count," she says, not particularly caring.

"Anyway, we have questions as to where and how we're supposed to find that Voldemort person your minions are so afraid to hear of," Lightning tells Dumbledore.

"And the sooner we do this, the sooner we can pack our things and go back home. So don't try and bullshit us, old man," Etna warns the old wizard.

Lightning places a calming hand on Etna's left knee, giving her a loving look. Lightning then looks to Dumbledore once more.

"So... how are we supposed to deal with your little Dark Lord problem?"

From here, anything could happen. Being summoned to perform whatever tasks these magicals want, they would have to follow or be forced to compel by the runes binding them to this servitude. But out of all the possible outcomes, Lightning and Etna never expected the old man to go this route.

"I wish for you two to enroll at the school I teach at," Dumbledore answers, taking out two parchment letters and setting them down upon the coffee table.

"... What?" Etna finally manages to sputter out.

Yeah... the devil couple was indeed stunned. They didn't expect this...

There HAS to be a catch, of course.


And so... we get an interesting start to what sounds like an interesting tale. Frankly, I have been struggling along this for months, among my other plots and stories. I finished this one out and got this uploaded before I forgot it again.

Lately however I have been running down a string of bad luck. First my PlayStation 3's disc drive broke so I'm unable to explore the wonderful world of Final Fantasy X/X-2 (the HD remaster; I'm still stuck in the beginning of the story at Besaid Village), then my ZEKI Android Tablet's screen broke on me so my favorite app games Ayakashi: Ghost Guild, Wind Runner, Darklord Legends, and Brave Frontier are inaccessible for me (and I'm missing out on awesome events on Brave Frontier and Ayakashi).

I'm saving up money so I can at least replace my Android Tablet, because right now, getting a new PS3 (a 500 GB one) is out of my price range (also considering my current one is only 300 GB and I am down to only 25 GB left of HD space). As long as GameStop still have the PS3 500 GB Last of Us bundle, I can save yup cash towards the PS3 replacement.

But, battling writer's block, my recent string of bad luck, and my own real world events... I'm struggling to stay above the water, metaphorically. I just hope some people find this particular story interesting. And here's some information to Etna's lover.

[:] Lightning [:]

Age: 1574
Height: 172cm
Weight: 50kg
Home: A (secret) Luxury Condo in Underworld City, Laharl's Castle, Netherworld
Race: Demon
Class: Demon Swordsman/Vassal

[:] Equipment [:]

Weapon: Nightmare Moon
Weapon: Luz de la Luna
Outfit: Adventurer's Outfit
Accessory: Bloody Bracelets

[:] Some Light-hearted Information [:]

Demon Swordsman Lightning was once an infant human in an unnamed Earth dimension named Harry Potter before one strike too many by a brute of a walrus-sized human ended his life (the humans would call his death tragic; he died at age two and a half). The (accidental) Horcrux of Dark Lord Voldemort that was stuck in his scar (which got his human parents murdered one dreadful night; you should know the story, dood) dragged him into hell.

Instead of being reborn a Prinny, he somehow was reborn as a demon. Sometime later growing up in the Netherworld, he encounters Etna and somehow befriends her. He is currently Etna's lover despite being one hundred years older than her. He was once the subject of a prophecy in the unnamed Earth dimension of whence he once belonged to before death, but when he kicked the bucket it no longer applied to him.

Lightning is the rank of S-class when wielding his favorite sword called Nightmare Moon, and ranks in A-class when switching to Luz de la Luna, his back-up weapon. He is B-class to mid A-class when using other weapons. His name Lightning comes from the fact that he is best in channeling Thunder-class magic, although he is also capable of producing interesting magical (and often colorful) spells.