Monsters

"Bella…love…this isn't a fairy tale. This isn't a world full of happy endings. We're monsters, Bella, not magic!"

XX

His expression was as hard as his skin. It was as hard and cruel as I've ever seen his face. I would have been scared, had I not learned to trust him more than myself. I would have been terrified; it looked like he wanted to kill me.

"You look like you want to murder me, Edward," I said playfully. He didn't stop glaring.

"Don't," he growled, "joke about that."

I just stared. He had no reason to be mad at me. I didn't do anything to him, not today. It wasn't like him to be mad like this.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked him.

He sighed. "Bella…," he began, "I don't think you get it."

"What don't I get?"

"You…. You're not…messed up. Like us."

I was insulted. I glared back at him. "Why would I be messed up?! Vampires are beautiful and immortal…sure, I was advanced, but how am I different than anyone else?"

He snarled. I jumped. His eyes were black; I was sure I had never seen him this mad. "That's just it!" he shouted, furious with me. "Bella, you aren't anyone! We aren't anyone! We are filthy bloodsuckers, exactly what the wolves think, and you think you're wearing a crown on your head!"

I felt my eyes prickle, but I knew no tears would ever come. "I love being a vampire," I said softly. "I was born to be one."

"DAMMIT!!!" he punched his fist against the bark of the tree we were previously leaning against. All around the forest, a boom of what sounded like thunder went through the air. I didn't flinch, but I felt like running. I felt like screaming. "You are not born to be cursed. You are not born to live the life of a demon. We were born to be human, not the vile creatures we are now."

I was confused. I, more than anything else, loved being what I was…a beautiful vampire. But Edward hated every minute of it, and the rest of our family seemed to feel the same. Was I the first so far to adore what had happened? Was I the only one who wouldn't give up the immortal life for anything? I hated the thought.

"Edward…," I said softly. "You cannot keep mourning over the people you killed earlier in your lifetime. It wasn't something you could control. Not many people can…. Except me, and I think that's why I love this so much. And besides, I feel like I have a crown on my head. I love this, Edward."

He looked away.

There could not have been a more beautiful day in Forks. The sun was so blue it was almost surreal, with not a single wisp of a cloud in the sky. The sun was making everything glitter, and not just my skin. The trees were filtering so much light through there leaves you might think they were just one mini sun. I smiled at it every day now; there was nothing I loved more. I could see everything now.

And the smells…. I would have never imagined how incredibly diverse the world was in just scent alone. Now, I could smell pine and bark, wet wood and dirt, a herd of musty elk a few miles off…. I could go on for hours. It would be interesting just to see what it would be like to be blind. I could rely so much on just this one sense….

Smell and sound worked in the same way: one went with the other. I couldn't always see what I smelled and heard; I would just have to hold those closest, because they meant the most.

And touching…. God, it was the absolute most blissful thing on the planet. The texture, the shape, the heat, the thoughts…. It opened up every one of your senses to what it was. Like reading a book with your eyes closed; you didn't need to know what it said on the page, only that it felt like soft grain and dried plants. When Edward touched me…. That wasn't blissful. That was complete euphoria.

"I think you should love it too," I said to him.

He stared at me for a while, and I gazed back unflinchingly. Finally, he spoke, "Bella…love…this isn't a fairy tale."

"It's my fairy tale," I huffed.

He sighed again. "This isn't a world full of happy endings! We're not sparkly diamond jewels; we're not mythical fantasy creatures!"

"We're sparkly diamonds to me, Edward," I said. I didn't flinch when I said it; I spoke nothing but the truth.

"We're MONSTERS, Bella, NOT magic!" he yelled. The birds in the nearby trees flew away, and I could hear the elk run away a few miles off. I wished I could fly away, too. I wanted to leave him here, to grieve, because he could not change my mind. It was the one thing I was absolutely sure of.

If I was human, I knew I would have been drowning in my tears. If I was human, I knew I would have run away as fast as my feet would carry me. If I was human, I knew I would tremble and shiver until my Edward finally calmed down, and said he never meant any of it.

But I wasn't human. And that's what I loved most of all.

I gave him the softest look I could manage, and I desperately hoped that his would follow suit. He didn't know I wanted to run and cry. But he didn't have to know; he was Edward.

"We're beautiful monsters," I said quietly. "And you're my beautiful monster."

I smiled, and he turned and ran away through the trees before I could utter another word.

XX