Then -
Two Years Ago
"Mum?"
She turned her head to the door, flicking the lamp on, illuminating her face as she gazed at her son, standing in the brightly lit doorway. "What is it baby?" She asked, registering the fear in his eyes as a lightning strike lit up the room.
"I'm scared."
He was still young enough to have a slight lisp in his voice as he spoke, young enough to be scared of storms and monsters hiding under the bed. "Because of the storm?" She asked, and he nodded slowly before she threw the covers back. "Come here Ben. You got your book?
Again a nod. He held up the copy of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, the one that would send him to sleep when she read it to him. He scrambled quickly towards the bed, crawling in beside his mother.
He wasn't asleep, even as she finished the book. Instead he lay with wide eyes, staring at the ceiling.
"Mum, do I have a dad?"
She felt a lump in her throat. She knew this question would come one day, was waiting for it, but still, she hadn't expected it this early.
"Of course you do sweetie. Why?"
"Humphrey said I was a freak. That I didn't have a dad."
"Well that's not true."
"Then where is he?" The cry in his voice caused her swallow yet another lump. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.
"He's just…not here. It's just us two. You're happy, aren't you? With me?"
"Yeah but…"
Silence enveloped them for a few seconds as he closed his eyes. For a couple of minutes she thought he was asleep, but then his eyes opened and he looked up at her.
"What was he like?"
What had he been like? She barely knew him; it had been a fling, a short term thing. No strings, no commitment just…just sex.
So she had to make it up. She had to create a character for Ben to believe in, to love and think of when Humphrey called him a freak (kids could be so cruel).
"He was…brave. And kind."
"Brave?"
"Uh huh. He'd do anything for anyone." She stroked his hair back.
"Why did he have to go away mum?"
"Because sweetie he…he had work to do. Important work."
"Like what?"
Like what? She'd never known what he'd done for a living, he never told her and he avoided the question when she asked.
"A lot of people…needed him. Needed saving."
"Like Superman?"
She smiled. Trying to imagine herself as Louis Lane, needing some strange masked superhero to rescue her. She didn't need rescuing, she was independent; it had been something she'd always prided herself on. She didn't need a man.
"Yeah." She nodded anyway. "Like Superman."
Now-"Mum?"
She put the book down, and gazed at the doorway. Every time she looked at him now, knowing it was her own son, she couldn't help but smile, couldn't help but feel that intense relief when he did something normal. "What is it baby?"
Eight years old. Her little man.
"I'm scared."
She sat up now, and immediately he scrambled towards the bed, climbing in and wrapping his arms around her. His small, normal arms. "Dreams again?"
"Uh huh."
"Was he in them this time?"
"Yeah." Immediately he cheered up, looking up at her with a smile. "He saved us all. Him and…" He paused, racking his brain for the name.
"Sam."
"Yeah, Sam!" He slid out of her grip, sitting on the bed, and proceeded to tell her of the dream; the same one he'd had for three weeks now, reliving that awful nightmare where he was taken, hidden and locked up. Sometimes he was saved, sometimes he wasn't, and she knew it was a bad night when the reply to his question was no. But Sam wasn't always in them. That she knew. Mostly it was just the one brother.
"And then Dean came, and he reached through the bar and…" He paused now, chewing his lip. "He's like Superman, isn't he mum?"
Superman.
That had never been said before. That name had always be reserved for…for his father, the man he had never known. The one who was so brave, who saved people (now she thought about it, that was what he did after all).
"What do you mean Ben?"
"I mean….he saved us, didn't he? He came and saved the day!"
"Yeah. I guess he did."
And as she thought about it, she realised Ben hadn't been the only one who needed saving; his arrival had banished all father related questions from Ben's mind, questions that had become more probing, more eager for information.
"Where's he gone mum?"
"I don't know."
"Oh." A silence, as he gazed around the room. "I…I miss him."
She didn't know what to say to that.
"But you're happy, aren't you?" She couldn't help it, she had to ask, and she felt such relief at the nod.
Silence again.
For a few days after it had all blown over, she had hated him; hated him for disappearing as quickly as he'd come, hated him for telling her what had really happened to her boy, for opening this strange door, making her scared every time she turned off the light, and making her feel the need to check on her son before she went to bed.
But now all she wanted was for him to appear again, to look after her and Ben. To protect them, save them, like Superman would have.
She'd had to fight the need to tell him, the last time she saw him, to scream "it wasn't some biker Dean, he's yours!" But she didn't. Because it was for the best. Because he'd have to disappear again, and she couldn't handle that. Because it was easier to see his crushed, disappointed face when she said Ben [i]wasn't[/i] his, when she told him he [i]wasn't[/i] the father.
But that didn't mean she couldn't tell Ben, did it?
She smiled at her son as he stood at the front of the class. They'd been given an essay to write on their heroes, and the teacher had invited the parents in to hear it, as a kind of open day 'see what your kids learn in school' kind of thing.
She'd read Ben's small essay, and cried. Because it was so, so true.
"My Hero." He started, looking up at her. She nodded for him to carry on. "My hero is a special hero, because he's brave, and kind. He'd do anything for anyone. When I first heard that I thought it was a lie, to stop me asking; but I know it's true.
My hero is my father."
A giggle from Humphrey, silenced by a glare from both the teacher and her.
"He is brave. He's like Superman; he came, once, when we needed him, and he saved us all. It's his job to save people. But he doesn't have to. And when he went away, disappeared like Superman does, then I was upset. But mum said not to be, because he'd come back, one day.
I hope he does. Because I miss him a lot.
I hope to one day grow up to be just like my dad; because he's the coolest person, and the best.
My hero is Dean Winchester."
