Chapter 1: Kick me signs are NOT cool!

It was an average day in the city of Roma for Ezio Auditore, well if you consider teaching a bunch of complete nitwits the art of the Assassin is average then it was pretty average, for Ezio at least.
He had been doing this since he came to the eternal city and it had been getting stressful lately.
Just last night he had to have a lengthy lecture with his students about their methods of delivering last rites to recently killed enemies.
"Tea bagging, pissing on, drawing obscene art, use as a life size marionette, and especially shouting suck my dick into their faces as they die, are NOT acceptable ways of delivering last rites!" Ezio told the gathered crowd of novices on the roof of the Tiber island hideout. A hand shot up from the crowd which Ezio acknowledged with a nod.
"Why?" The brainless hopeful asked.
Ezio facepalmed (Always Marcello with the stupid questions) Ezio thought dismally to himself.
"Because it's disrespectful to the dead." Ezio replied simply.
"So! It's not like their the most respectful people either! You remember how I got here! The Borgia-!" Marcello began but was cut off by Ezio putting up a hand.
"Yes! We all know!" Ezio pinched the bridge of his nose as everybody in unison repeated the story they've heard at least a million times now.
"The Borgia stole all my booze."
"It wasn't just booze it came all the way from Francia!" Marcello retorted.
"You have all the wine you can drink here idiota now sit down and shut up!" an angry voice belonging to Helena, one of the several female recruits(and one of the only few with some brains in her head) shouted.
Marcello hung his head and shame and sat down on the hard stone of the rooftop.
"Grazie. Now hopefully without anymore interruptions I can demonstrate the proper way giving of last rites." Ezio said bringing the focus back to the lesson.
"Oooh oooh! I wanna play the dead guy!" one voice shouted.
"No me!"
"Me idiota."
"Why you little!"
"I'm not little!"
"SILENZIO! Since none of you can be trusted I had someone else in mind. Niccolo!" Ezio shouted calling for his right hand man. The odd man came to Ezio's side wearing his usual all black suit.
"Why must I always be your practice dummy?" Niccolo asked irritably.
"Trust me it'll be fine." Ezio assured.
"Toro merda! That's what you said with the smoke bombs! But we all remember how that turned out." Niccolo replied while making explosive noises with his mouth.
"Look it's just a simple demonstration on giving last rites. No explosions or fire involved I assure you."
Niccolo still looked unsure but laid down in front of Ezio.
"Now as you may know our enemies like to taunt us even when dying." Ezio told the students as he gave Niccolo the signal to begin the act.
"Where are the rest of your brothers templar?" Ezio asked Machiavelli.
"Via a farti fortte figilo de puttana!" Niccolo shot back. Aside from calling his dear mother a whore, Ezio was impressed with Niccolo's acting.
"When they do this you are to hear them out, as no man should pass from this life without being heard, and only respond with wisdom never evil." Ezio continued over Niccolo's continuous swearing.
"Maestro? May I observe this closer." a female voice asked.
Ezio looked away from the still cussing Niccolo for the owner of the voice. Normally he would have said no but it was one of his better students Veronica.
"Of course cara. Come." He said with a warm smile. He figured that Ms. innocent petite figure with blonde hair and blue eyes would never do such a dumb thing as pull a prank on the Maestro, and plus we all know that Ezio has a soft spot for the ladies. She walked up beside him and laid her hand to rest on his shoulder. Ezio looked up at her and was met with a seductive smile. Ezio returned the smile and went back to the lesson.
"One appropriate way to deliver words of wisdom to a fallen opponent would be. Dormire fratello, lasciare tuttu I vostri sacrifici alle spalle, Requiestac en pace." Ezio said as he imitated closing a corpse eyes.
"Sleep now! I've been doing that alot lately! With your sister!" Machiavelli spat.
Ezio chuckled nervously. Ok Niccolo the demonstration is over."
"Oh no the demonstration has just begun!" Niccolo shouted wildly as he jumped up and began dry humping Ezio's leg.
"This is what I did to Claudia!" he said.
"Niccolo please be mature!" Ezio replied quickly getting frustrated with the insults to his family and the sexual harassment.
"Mature! You mean like your mother? Damn! We had a good time last night!" Niccolo said as he continued humping Ezio.
"Mia madre รจ un bastardo santi!" Ezio shouted as he threw Machiavelli into the Tiber.
"Wow! You sure showed him!" Veronica said nearly dying of laughter.
"No one talks about mia madre." Ezio replied crossing his arms.
"You think he's ok?" Veronica asked.
"Eh he'll be fine." Ezio reassured. He then turned to face the rest of the recruits. "Well I guess that's all I have for today. You may have the rest of the night off but no staying up late. Class dismissed." Ezio told them. A few went downstairs into the hideout while the rest stayed on the roof to enjoy the cool evening air. Ezio then turned in the direction he had throw Niccolo to make sure he hadn't drowned. As much of a dick Niccolo was at times he was still Ezio's buddy and right hand man.
"Maestro?" Veronica said as she walked to his side.
"Yes?" He replied.
"Can I have a hug!" She asked giggling.
"Have you been drinking cara?" Ezio asked in confusion at her request.
"What? Is there a no hugging policy now?" She asked.
"No it just seems a little random." he replied.
"So I can have a hug? She asked hopefully.
"I suppose so." He said as he held out his arms. Veronica let out a fangirl like squeal and nearly tackle hugged the older man after which she gave him a hearty slap on the back.
"See you in the morning Maestro." She said before running off into the hideout giggling.
(Wonder what's gotten into her?) Ezio thought as he turned back towards the river to call out to Niccolo.
He suddenly heard many footsteps rapidly approaching his direction. It was then he felt the wind flapping something on his back. He reached towards the flapping object and pulled it to his face to examine. When he read the two words 'kick me' his last thoughts before falling into the river were
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Ezio shot to the surface gasping for air. "Decide to come for a swim eh?" Niccolo teased from beside him.
"Ugh! Shut up idiota!" Ezio snarled pushing Niccolo under.

A/N my first solo fanfic so be nice please :). feel free to offer critique.