Hai you gaiz. There are two of us writing this amazing story. Each chap will be different yo. This is our first Harry Potter fic. Be nice to us. We like HP btwww.
We don't own Harry Potter and all the jazz. Enjoy this spiffy story yo.
Any thing you hear that sounds familiar…we don't own it.

--

Chapter 1

Lily strutted down the hallway like it was a catwalk, her best friend Brunonia in tow.

"Lyk, omg Brunie, Potter wuz lyk…sturing at me agin. We all knw he iz a play boy. Y wld he want to go out with a sexy, hawt, perfect, gurl lyk me?" Lily fluttered her eye lashes pathetically.

"Haß des Gottes I Sie," Brunonia replied, rolling her eyes at her "bfffffl".

Finally the two arrived at The Great Hall because apparently they were going there. They walked toward the Gryffindor table and sat down. Lily picked up a piece of toast and stared at it.

"omggg. I'm gunna git fat cuz of this lyk omg."

"Heilige Scheiße." Brunonia replied scooping eggs and bacon into her plate.

--

Down the table…

"Oh gawsh you guys…I think I might have split ends!" Sirius squealed looking at his face in the back of a spoon.

Remus rolled his eyes and continued gaze at his knife hopefully. If he could just reach over without being seen then maybe he would get a chance to relieve his emo pain. He was just about to grab the knife when he was interrupted by Peter whining.

"James, you shouldn't be kissing that girl like that. You should stay pure, like me. Oh my gosh. Was that your tongue? I think I need to pray. God needs to forgive you for your sins…" He pulled out a bible and started mumbling psalms under his breath.

James just continued sucking face with the girl in front of him. He was the notorious play boy, pimp, jock of the school. He was the semi-leader of his group "The Marauders." They consisted of himself, Sirius Black; the metro who cared more about his appearance then anything else, Remus Lupin; The emo, alcoholic, druggy, and Peter Pettigrew; the pure kid who did no wrong and only owned tight pants.
James eventually detached his mouth from the girls face and looked down the table at his one true love Lily Evans.

"She is so bloody brilliant. You know I would so snog her any day, ay?"

"Righto James!" exclaimed Peter. "Let's leave out the snogging though, okay? That is very degrading towards women. God wouldn't approve." He nodded his head gravely and then looked down at his plate of food and continued eating.

James ignored Peter then turned back to his girl of the day…or was it hour? Anyway, he turned back to the girl and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Listen here girl, I am done with you for today…go and do something." He waved her off.

She glared and stomped down the table to sit next to her friends. James sat down at his place and started stuffing his pie hole with tons o' food. Peter eyed his plate and reached his hand over towards it.

"You gonna finish that mate?" He questioned. There was plenty of food in front of him but he wanted James' because he admired him…in a totally straight way.

"That's what she said." James grinned at his friends. Apparently he was being funny. Who knew?

"Oh goodness gracious!" Cried Peter in surprise. "That was horrible! Do you know how bad that is? Oh my, Oh my…my pure ears…my poor, poor, innocent ears!"

Remus moaned in agony. He hated his life. He pretty much hated everything. He just wanted to jump off of the Astronomy Tower and end his existence. He glared around the table at his friends. Why couldn't they just let him kill himself? He continued brooding in his thoughts as Peter started eating food off his plate.

"Dear Lord Peter!" screeched Sirius loudly, since he was in a very emotional state. "You are going to get even fatter then you already are! Even this little piece of toast is going to go straight to your hips! Oh, this is terrible! My beautiful face is getting greasy just thinking about it."

Peter stood up and struck a pose. His fat rolls hanging over his extra tight pants (the ladies dug it). He had a muffin top. Sirius almost puked.

"I think I look gorgeous!" He cried enthusiastically, rotating his hips in a happy dance. His fat rolls jiggled with him.

Sirius gagged.

--

At the Slytherin table…

Severus Snape sniffed his food. He always did this because Thugs sometimes tried poisoning what he ate. He had a bad rep because Snape was a hardcore Gangsta. He started eating but kept his eyes up scanning his table for any suspicious fools.

"So Severus, are you coming to the Death Eater meeting?" Questioned Lucius Malfoy, Snape's upper classmen.

Snape turned his head quickly and stared at him. His nostrils flared…he had realllly big nostrils.

"Tha'd be off da chain yo, na mean?"

Lucius blinked and turned around quickly. Snape was something of a freak. Why was he associating with him again? Snape just continued eating his food and looking around distrustfully. He had a long day ahead of him. He had to watch his back for Wankstazz trying to hustle him out of his bling. You know what I'm saying? Cause I don't even know…

--

Okay…that was the first chapter. Seriously, we don't even know the plot to this story…we just wrote crap. Well, enjoy the randomness. This was made out of boredom.

James- Pimp, Jock, dude.
Sirius- Metro (lulz)
Remus- Emo, druggy, and alcoholic all in one. Still hasn't been able to kill himself.
Peter- Based off those Jonas Brothers. I have no idea why. We felt like it. We like to make fun of them…
Lily- Valley girl
Brunonia- German, no one understands her.
Snape- Gangsta

German translation:

Haß des Gottes I Sie- God, I hate you.
Heilige Scheiße- Holy Shizz.

Gangsta Translation:

Gangsta- member of a gang
Off the chain- Great event.
Na mean?- You know what I mean…basically.
Wanksta- Wannabe Gangsta
Hustle-swindle or cheat
Bling- jewelry…